Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Of course, in our patriarchal culture, straight men are not supposed to like Kathy Griffin, which is why she is supposed to appeal to gays and women. I found this one photo of Kathy online with the caption "You can't see her penis," I guess because she is...not hot enough to be in the spotlight? How come she felt so bad about her looks she got tons of plastic surgery but Jay Leno has been on TV for years looking like that?
Anyway, as previously mentioned on this blog, I really hate stand-up, finding it dull and lame and joke-y in this sad set-up way, but Kathy Griffin's set-up is really great! (And she is better than Chelsea Lately, who I feel has more than a touch of internalized patriarchy, man) And it's great because she just tells mean, funny stories about celebrities. No puns, no exaggerated capering, she just dryly comments on the retardation of fame. It's like talking to a hilarious and well-connected friend. In many ways, I think she subverts the whole masculine idea of stand-up and comedy by being so chatty yet sharp and rejecting 90% of what stand-up comedy is about.
Also, her show, My Life on the D-List, is great. She really makes an effort to include female/feminist comedians, and how could you say no to an episode where she goes shopping with Margaret Cho and Cyndi Lauper or re-enacts the opening of Golden Girls with Betty White and her mom? Here are some hilarious photos of her dressing up to hang with Paris Hilton:
She is also constantly getting in trouble and being banned from The View and stuff for going too far, which always makes for a funny anecdote about Barbara Walters. At a New Year's Eve telecast:
"Shut up!" she yelled at a heckler. "You know what, screw you! I'm working! Why don't you get a job, buddy!"
Then the "My Life on the D-List" star added: "You know, I don't go to your job and knock the dick out of your mouth."
CNN deleted the exchange from recorded repeats of the telecast, but the original airing had already made its way onto popular file-sharing sites like YouTube.
Here is a really amazing discussion from Marie Claire about female comedians. Please read it. Kathy talks about how:
After Suddenly Susan, I went to every network and said, "What if you put four funny chicks together? Not newcomers, but four women who are proven in television: me, Jennifer Coolidge, Megan Mullally, Cheri Oteri, or Molly Shannon..." And the network people said, "What about Carmen Electra?
Can you imagine a show like that? Can you imagine?!
Here's a few more interesting quotes:
RIVERS: I was the first permanent guest host they ever had on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. Then one day, a friend of mine who was the vice president at NBC got an internal memo saying, "When Johnny leaves, here are the 10 people to replace him." And I wasn’t on the list — it was all men.
GRIFFIN: The last time I was on Leno, he turned to me during the commercial break and said, "Why aren’t you up for my job? You should get a late-night show on Fox." And I said, "Jay, I’m very flattered, but tell that to [Fox president of alternative entertainment] Mike Darnell." Have you met Mike Darnell? He’s like 4'11" and puts on shows like Joe Millionaire. That’s who I’m dealing with.
CAROL BURNETT: When I started, the head of CBS said, "Variety is more of a man’s field: Sid Caesar, Jackie Gleason, Milton Berle ... We’ve got a great sitcom pilot you could shoot. It’s called Here’s Agnes." I could just picture it: "Heeeeere’s Agnes." Oh, God.
Anyway, this discussion is really interesting, and Kathy Griffin is great. In a perfect world, she would have a show with Cheri Oteri and all that. Like, I still can't quite get over that Jimmy Fallon has a late-night network show. If there's any proof that comedy is a lame boy's club, that is it.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Not that I really need to weigh in on this, but I hate every celebrity who signed the "Free Roman Polanksi" petition. (Not that I needed another reason to hate Natalie Portman, who I just really, really hate.) Besides the fact they are defending him for raping a child- who was subsequently put on trial and subjected to having the media grill her and call her a whore and blame her for ruining this dude's career- an eighth grader- it's just such a gross example of how rich, powerful people are treated differently within our justice system. Who are they to forgive him? The celebrities would never be defending some everyday child rapist who never had many of the opportunities Polanksi did, but the completely unrelated fact that he made some (really not that great- seriously, Chinatown is so boring- but with a lot of sexxxy rape/incest, like all his movies) movies is supposed to excuse him.
Here is a quote from the article:
The European media wanted to develop this too. They went to Samantha's school and house, talked to her friends, trying to learn more about the girl whose allegations threatened to bring down a veritable cult figure in Europe, where Polanski was not-so-secretly dating a 15-year-old girl, Nastassja Kinski, with no public outcry, no arrest. Samantha was cast as the temptress.
Oh, right- he fled to Europe to date fifteen-year-old Nastassja Kinski, who was also famously raped by her actor father as a young girl!
The defense sited the:
physical maturity and willingness and provocativeness of victim, and the lack of coercion by defendant and his solicitude concerning pregnancy.
The physical maturity! Him being concerned he would knock her up, (which was so clearly for her benefit?) So horrifying!
From his autobiography:
"We dried ourselves and each other. She said she was feeling better. Then, very gently, I began to kiss and caress her. After this had gone on for some time, I led her over to the couch. There was no doubt about the girl's experience and lack of inhibition."
Polanski said he was surprised to learn later that Samantha had lied about having asthma. "Why she did so baffles me to this day."
As for her famous speech of forgiveness:
Geimer repeated what she told the grand jury, saying she was crying and begging him to stop, but added that he "wasn't forceful or mean or anything like that." "It wasn't rape," she said.
Wow, what a surprise that this woman, who was clearly so villified for daring to incriminate someone famous at an incredibly young age, and has had to face a zillion powerful celebrities defending her rapist and defiantly clapping for him at The Oscars, eventually tried to downplay the whole thing. Especially in a culture where so many rapes go unreported and when the charges are against someone famous, the female accuser always seems to end up going through more shit than the man (see Bryant, Kobe or Kelly, R., or even Brown, Chris even though it wasn't rape) who, more often than not, escape totally unscathed! God, these people are such sleazebags! How dare Hollywood use their should-be-meaningless influence to take a stand on this. How dare they sign this in the first place as a an acknowledgment that their signatures are worth more than anyone else's. How dare these stupid botoxed assholes have such influence and can throw their weight around to protect one of their own!
I love how David Lynch and Woody Allen and even Martin Scorsese- you know how directors love to blur the line between rape, sex and art- not that I totally hate David Lynch, but he totally does- signed it too. Oh man, the whole thing enrages me so much. That is all.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Here is my new idea for posts, on Thursdays, even though I can never keep up with any "features" I promise: The rare famous people whom I love. Today we are featuring Ms. Stevie Nicks.
I used to think Fleetwood Mac was the gayest band in the world. When I was in high school, I thought anything that didn't sound like Television or The Dead Boys or something was totally fruity and soft rock. I refused to listen to synthesizers, and I probably didn't even like most female vocalists. In many ways, it was my friend Gerard from college who taught me not to take heed to fascist and typically "masculine" music standards, which really widened my horizons, man.
Anyway, now I love Fleetwood Mac- especially the Stevie songs, though I must agree with my other friend, Julia, when she says she likes the oft-overlooked Christie McVee songs, even though Christie wrote like a zillion hits for the band, from the singer songwritery to the mega hits like "Don't Stop". But I love Stevie because her songs have the slow and slightly-grinding-but-smooth-but hard-at-the-same-time 70's rock sound. They are catchy but intense, hard rocking but almost feline in nature. In any event, she is extremely talented but rather underrated in the world of rock music, and I think people forget that Fleetwood Mac is largely a female-driven band.
Stevie's look was a gypsy/boho/witchy/ragged orphan/disco kind of thing, which was uniquely her own, and it fit her music well. Though she had a feminine and flowy look, she was fierce and drag queenworthy; apparently there is a party in New York called "The Night of 1,000 Stevies" in which everyone (meaning gays) dress up like Stevie. Simone and Gaby always say they're going to go to that. (Way to name drop!)
Christine McVie's pants here rule! I want jeans like that!
Anyway, I love how her look was so distinctly feminine and over-the-top and showy but she was a seriously talented person, not unlike other faves like Betty Davis or Dolly Parton.
In conclusion, Stevie Nicks rules. She is also totally coked out in 99% of these photos, probs.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
70's rubber soled platforms, size 6. So comfortable! And so organic, yet so trashy.
Adorable and bizarrely shaped 70's Qualicraft wooden heeled loafers. Size 8.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Fashion, today, is a lot like indie rock music today. Just as no band is content to write a straightforward pop/rock song without ten million dissonant flourishes, very few fashion people can handle looking sharp, crisp and straightforward. Women have always been ashamed of their bodies, and the current lank, pigeon-toed baby deer trend (I guess it's very 90's, too, though) , all jutting legs and bitten lower lips and some fugly outfit that really doesn't look like anything...there's just something so non-commital and passive about all of it!
Though the 80's had its fugliness, it was a time when people looked strong and in charge. The current look is ultra-weak and distinctly unwomanly- and when I say this, I don't mean unwomanly as in "unfeminine" but little-girlish, with no power behind it, no mature adult force. And a lot of these people, who are dressing like this, are adults, with important jobs- important jobs in fashion. I cannot help but being reminded of Susan Faludi's Backlash, during which she drew connections between designers forcing out the woman's professional suit as the look de rigeur and instead introduced the 80's pouf dress and other impracticalities. The logic is: if women had a simple and professional outfit they could feel confident in, and lasted a long time, they would never feel crappy enough to buy new pouf dresses.
If you are a lady, and someone takes a photo of you- first of all, don't wear a big shirt and no pants with chunky shoes intended to make you look gangly and unsteady, as if you have just dropped out of your mother deer, and secondly, do not hunch your shoulders and turn in your toes and put your hand in your mouth like a baby. Stand tall, like Grace Jones. Have confidence.
God, I hate The Sartorialist except for the photos he takes of men in suits. I can't believe he just stands around fashion shows and takes photos of editors and stuff wearing $10,000 designer outfits and then everyone is like, "You have such an eye!" Anyway, the woman above is an editor or something. An editor dressed and posing like a little girl! Remember when I said I hated those poofy short skirts because they were infantile?
Here are some more:
Enough with the rolling up of the baggy pants!
What the hell is this? What is this outfit? What is nice about it?
Here is a fashion look from Lyell. Maybe Lula. All I know is that it's disturbing. The model looks twelve and her shy poses and lame, lank Catholic schoolgirl look really complete things.
Here is another disgusting and infantile trendy look. How could you take someone seriously in this outfit? It's an adult woman wearing a huge shirt and no apparent pants, like a fat kid at a swimming pool. don't forget the huge chunky platform shoes to teeter upon!
Here are some more assorted pics:
And here is Grace Jones (and Marlene Dietrich), showing us how to pose with swagger and dignity, not like a malnourished toddler:
Monday, October 12, 2009
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Hey, I'm back. Back with yet another Urban Outfitters post, brought to you today by those timeless style icons, the cast of Saved by the Bell and the slightly weaker Saved by the Bell rip-off I used to watch on Saturday mornings, California Dreams (the theme song promised "Surfer dudes with attitude" and they certainly delivered.) Also, some Charles in Charge thrown in.
You know, my last Urban Outfitters post was so popular that I got over thirty responses- thirty of which I had to delete because they were all Japanese porn-related--- from those lured in, I can only assume, by the loaded combination of words I had inadvertantly made part of the post, words that included pussy/naked/Japanese/model. Will it happen again? Also, why are people posting on my blog when there is plenty of real pornography on the internet? Anyway, more creative posts are coming, but for now, this is easy and stuff.
First of all....
Ohmygod!!!!!! An oversized purple or teal washed silk blouse!!!! Ohmygod! This is what my mother wore in 1991. It is everything that is bad about the early 90's- the boxy shapelessness, the bright yet somehow passive color, the washed silk. You know, whilst recently watching an episode of Golden Girls, I zeroed in on Bea Arthur's outfit, and realized I need only add leggings to make it completely indistinguishable from that of a sexy youngster of today. I could totally see that teal blouse on Dorothy. In a peacock blue (also on the website), on Blanche.
Yeah. The first and last are elastic waist skirts, "refashioned" (a pocket's been added!!!!) by those at Urban Outfitters. These skirts are not even Saved By the Bell, the first couple of seasons. They are 1996 Saved by the Bell. The New Class, people. As for the sleeveless chambray blouse tucked into the skirts, it just goes to show that we learn nothing from the mistakes we have made in history. Not that I was going to make a Holocaust reference and thought better of it or anything.
Actually, I have nothing against this skirt itself (the top is another story) except the fact that all these full, high-waisted skirts so popular these days (and I love full, high-waisted skirts) are all made so fucking short! They look beyond infantile! Suddenly, it's super frumpy to have anything longer than knee length! On ebay, vintage sellers are destroying vintage dresses by hemming them into awkward minis! Then everyone's going to end up hating all their clothes because they are so weirdly short when hemlines end up dropping again!
Okay, this skirt on the right I do have something against. It's very Jessie Spano, though, so worth being in this post.
And lastly, these pants. These high-waisted chambray pants. These pants you can probably buy in a Sunday coupon book for $9.99, right next to the oh-so-lifelike sleeping premature baby doll named Baby Chriseee that costs only six installments of $29.99. If I was the stylist for Urban Oufitters, the pants would be paired with a holiday sweater and the model would be cradling that doll, and everything would be snug in its natural environment.
PS: Edited to add for no reason! Horrifying photos of baby dolls from the internets! Aughhhh! If there is any more proof that we need feminism to be a part of people's lives, it is the fact that women actually purchase these dolls.