Rip it to Shreds!

Photos of Inspiration

2011-10-30T23:45:00.001-07:00

Ebay Auctions

2011-10-20T16:31:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been trying to be a little more brutal with myself when it comes to getting rid of the piles of vintage clothes stuffed in my closet, so here are some pieces I'm selling. Remember, each item is one of a kind so you might want to work yourself into a bidding frenzy.

Ending tonight:

Starting Tonight:

Merely a Coincidence????

2011-09-30T17:11:00.000-07:00

I guess all this art is inspired by the Marc Ryden school, but as, Hot Topic-y as Marc Ryden's art is, he also seems to be squeezing in some funny references and social commentary amongst the bobble-headed nymphets:

I don't know, it's not like I have a problem with campy or decorative art, and I can appreciate the big-eyed Margaret Keane style homage, but it is just annoying to see all these women making this cookie-cutter, naughty little girl with a twee baby fox stuff. As I mentioned in my post on child actor/models, it seems like we place quite a lot of value on an idealized, barely pubescent body as the perfect canvas for any situation. And also, the heads, they are so big, like those Steve Madden ads or Bratz dolls or every endless copy. We have reached the limits of what big heads can show us, you know? Bring on the tiny heads and huge bodies.

Big Ugly Shoes Won't Go Away and More Stuff That Also Won't Go Away

2011-09-19T17:01:00.000-07:00

Maybe if you were full on glam rocking these boots, they would be cool. They need something like a skintight glitter jumpsuit to balance things out. Paired with saggy denim shorts, gauzy blouses and sheer shirts, they are just clumpy and awkward. I saw a girl recently wearing the glitter version of these ubiquitous shoes and cut-offs just like in the photo above. It was a train wreck. But it's always sad when you see girls struggling in their heels when they could be wearing Converse and looking a lot better.

And speaking of saggy cut-offs, please stop wearing them!

At least where them with an old t-shirt. But instead, people insist on this revolutionary concept they themselves invented, mixing "high" with "low" and cut-offs with heels. It's very fresh to do this, as opposed to the "too perfect, matching" look people always say they are against but no one really wears because it is out to match.

Speaking of the last photo, another trend I hate is the intentionally unlaced lace-up boots. To me, the appeal of lace-up boots is the tight, clean, laced-up look:

The crotch and boot combo is red-hot on this one!!!!

I guess this girl is twelve years old so maybe I shouldn't be criticizing her fashion choices. Again though, those American Apparel disco spandex pants are meant to be worn with a disco slut outfit, like Olivia Newton John in the last scene of Grease, not with a brown sweater and a pair of Timberlands you swiped off a hobo. Good job on the space nails, though. Speaking of which: ever since I got into space, space got really popular: space conspiracy?????

Perhaps the trend I hated most this summer was the insanely low cut arm hole, especially on a dude:

To me, this is the last thing to highlight on anyone, and Jared Leto must be well into his 50s by now. He is posing with some evil developer here who helped destroy New York, making Jared's shirt bitterly ironic. He's also wearing one glove omg what a douche.

Photos of Inspiration: NYC

2011-09-04T07:38:00.000-07:00

Not all of these are from New York, but the idea is inspiring. If only the city was a bit more like this. And oh man, Travolta was such a babe.

Ugly AA: We are Still "Inspired" by the 90's Because There's Nothing Else Left

2011-08-25T16:29:00.000-07:00

Great, an Andy Kaufman shirt with the huge, hideous face of Andy Kaufman on it. You'd think we'd have gotten over our short-lived fascination with this guy after that Jim Carrey movie came out, but he is probably one of Dov Charney's personal heroes or something. I hope this goes on sale.

The look du jour. Flimsy fabric, tent-like volume, huge armholes.

This look is so nasty. This is the kind of dress pregnant Christian teens in Lifetime movies wore in the year 1996, with gelled poofy straight bangs in front and a perm in back. This and the next look from their vintage collection!
The 90's was the lumpiest, most colorless decade of them all. And now they are back with a shapeless, murky-colored vengeance! From floppy denim shirts all bunched along the sleeves to prints featuring your finest tans, blacks, and grays.

"What's going on? Why am I wearing this?" I've already posted this shirt before, but this one has cut-out sleeves. Also, do these ladies need some mousse or what???

So, as we all know, American Apparel is like, for gay rights and workers rights and stuff, but they do hate women (why else would they start a sheer poly maxi skirt trend?) in classic patriarchal fashion. This is your typical ad.

BUT! These are their male models???

And this? A brown turtleneck tucked into baggy-crotched, huge pair of khakis? On this guy?! Talk about a double standard. Where are the bashful, vaguely "ethnic" hunks with their dicks showing through their sheer underwear?

How very reassuring for the male American Apparel shoppers.

Designers Love Little Kids

2011-08-18T16:24:00.000-07:00

Above are some fashion ads (and one editorial) starring the Fanning sisters for Marc Jacobs and actor Hailee Steinfeld for Miu Miu.

Fashion designers act as though they choose very young teens for their ad campaigns because of each girl's innate style and unique, muse-like ability to inspire them- when, clearly, the real reason designers like children is because they represent a coltish, unsullied female ideal (of course, most women can tell you that, as a very young teen, they felt neither coltish nor unsullied.)

These young ladies fit right in with the current (current meaning several years, but it's not like fashion has come up with anything new lately) fashion model, who also has a distinctly un-womenly look, and is usually put out to pasture before her teens end. Perhaps we remember Gemma Ward, whose distinctly childlike look catapulted her to fame and then disappeared once she grew into a less childlike body?

Not that all this is new; we all know models are young and it's not like you can't find equally creepy photos of young Brooke Shields. But designers act as though the young girl's agency and not her childlike looks are the reason behind her newfound modeling career. If the deisgners were really into the fact that these young women are actors, maybe they would ask them to do something in these photos instead of look scared, big-eyed, and limp.

At least the first round of Marc Jacobs photos with Dakota Fanning emphasized the fact that she was a hammy little kid playing dress-up (speaking of which, god Marc Jacobs ads are fug with their deliberately "undone" look):

Whereas, for round two, she is just your run-of-the-mill Lolita type with a perfume bottle between her legs:

The fact that these girls are supposed to be talented actresses comes in second to their position as highly styled pubescent fashion plates. Ideally, we would find young women inspiring, but not because they look so baby prostitute-like when they peer out sexily and vacantly from behind a pricey purse, but because they have other, real talents to offer. Also, girls of this age are supposed to be wearing two different-colored Converse, which they Sharpied on themselves, not getting their hair and make-up prepped for six hours by some stylist.

Vintage on eBay

2011-08-18T16:08:00.000-07:00

Late 30's/early 40's two piece set: size 4/6.

Late 1930's ragamuffin handmade feedsack dress with heart pocket: size 12/14

40's Scarecrow novelty print dress: size XS

1930's depression era rayon floral dress: size 6ish.

I finally listed some more stuff on eBay! They are listed for after 7pm, West Coast time tonight.

I'm also thinking of starting on etsy shop, but it seems like you really have to promote yourself, and I'm so lazy, you know?

Sable Starr: Queen of the Pussies

2011-08-14T15:15:00.000-07:00

Here are some photos of 70's groupie teen Sable Starr. Famous groupies tend to be the coolest, most popular, most aggressive, and most charismatic girl in the room, so it's always kind of a downer reading their stories- had they been guys, they probably would have been rock stars themselves.

Sable was like 14 when she dated/slept with all these dudes, which seems like it flew a bit more in the 70's. Not that I'm condoning it, man. These pubescent groupies would hit the scene in halter tops, daisy dukes, boas, and mile high platforms.

In her memoir, I'm With the Band, fellow famous groupie Pamela Des Barres trashes Sable and her ilk; I guess the baby groupies were mean to her and called her an "old bag" in front of the Whiskey or something which she took personally even though she was only 23 herself. To quoth Bebe Buell, "Who does Pamela think she is? Queen of the pussies?"

Anyway, she had the 70s trash look down, that's for sure.

Jane Birkin and Serge Gainsbourg Are Gross

2011-07-24T10:42:00.000-07:00

Since I moved to New York especially, it seems 60's French pop is inescapable. Sometimes I think if I hear that song "Bonnie and Clyde" with Jane Birkin or whoever* it is singing in that French accent I'm gonna kill someone. It seems like everyone can conveniently play this shit because it is retro and French and seems vaguely stylish and won't offend. I am also tired of seeing photos of lank, blank-faced Jane Birkin and disturbingly frog-like Serge Gainsbourg all over fashion inspiration posts like he is not old enough to be her inbred father.

It's as though we've forgotten these canonical relationships of past eras were informed by the extreme sexism of their day, especially the 1960's era musicians and "their women."

Seriously, these look like people you'd see getting into a violent altercation in a dollar store.

Ugh! What is this nasty chauvinistic shit? May I remind you he sang a song called "Lemon Incest" with his teenage daughter? Aside from the fact that people still seem convinced the French are superior fashion-wise to Americans even though I see French people everyday who look just as shittily dressed as those of us in the US, with the advent of fast-paced modern technology it matters less and less what the story of the images we are posting as inspiration on our blogs are.

I recently read Faithfull by Marianne Faithfull, and for much of the book, she talks about being depressed, drug-addicted, anorexic, angry regarding how she was used and only valued for her beauty, all the while this fiction of her as a person and especially Mick Jagger's girlfriend was being created. But these aspects don't show up in our inspiration posts.

It's not like we can't post photos of Marianne to inspire us, but if we have the internet to repost photos we know nothing about, we also have it as tool to find out about these people and not gloss over the fact that Serge Gainsbourg is gross, you know?

*I guess it was Bridget Bardot. Whatevs.

Space Is the Place

2011-07-19T10:42:00.001-07:00

How I love the 70's and early 80's space aesthetic: the far-out, alien fortress architecture with its narrow black slices of windows, the colorful pod-like electronics, the laser-y, glowing, jewel-colored geometric interiors of spaceships in sci-fi movies....of course, all the home goods associated with this era are ultra collectible and really expensive. If only the future had really turned out to look like this, instead of really ugly, like it's turning out.

Sorry

2011-07-19T10:00:00.000-07:00

I'm selling some very cute vintage on ebay, ends tonight!

Sorry, I posted this on both my blogs, if anyone is reading one or the other. Speaking of which, for some reason I wrote that I had two fashion blogs on my resume and when I first moved to Brooklyn, New York I dropped off a resume at Brooklyn Industries (basically a very, very middle of the road retail chainlet who sell t-shirts with bikes and other stuff very slightly too edgy for the Gap) because I was desperate and the manager read the resume and she was like, "Two fashion blogs?" And I was like "God I am such a moron like that is going to impress someone." True story!

I Have a Dream

2011-07-02T08:21:00.000-07:00

Uh, I was planning on putting this MLK Day Google logo up on MLK day this year, but didn't. Just a little reminder from Google of the post-racial society we are now blessed to live in. Let's give ourselves a pat on the back.

Summer Trends

2011-07-02T07:41:00.000-07:00

IN! Topknots

OUT! Bookstores

The 70's

2011-06-25T21:29:00.000-07:00

Ugly Urban: The Blog Went Away, but It Didn't

2011-06-23T08:07:00.000-07:00

I have working internet again, in case anyone wants to come back to read this blog! Tell your friends. Sorry I haven't posted in forever.
Jeez Louise! Are people going to buy these? Based on my brand and trend knowledge, I'm going to guess no.

Truly, each of these t-shirts is uglier than the next. I guess people aren't interested in the tight tee, everyone wants it big and sloppy and covered with a hideous "native" or the same slogan that was on your lime green baby tee from 2004.

I know I've criticized the ugliness of this shirt before, but I also haven't updated this blog in a long time. What about this isn't ugly, I ask?

This is the kind of pouchy overall front I've been dreaming Urban would renew for their Urban Renewal line. Coincidentally, urban renewal is the name used to wipe out old, "blighted" neighborhoods and replace them with horrible modern government-issued buildings and kick out all the low-income people who previously lived there. Kind of like how Urban Outfitters is a huge monolithic company whose designs mimic those of secondhand clothes and has taken over a huge market of youth who think they are being edgy.

This look is soooo pretty. I would definitely wear this skirt with the tie-dyed tee, but I'd throw in those chunky slingback oxfords from the top of this post, too.

BTW, there are other reasons not to shop at Urban Outiftters besides the staggering ugliness and mass production of their cheaply made clothes; they steal designs from small artists and the CEO is a conservative Rebublican who contributes to gay-hater/right-wing senator Rick Santorum.

Remember Rip It To Shreds?

2011-04-01T07:14:00.001-07:00

Sea of Fug Shoes

2010-11-28T08:31:00.000-08:00

I think "monstrosity" is probably the best word used to describe the monstrosities that are currently in vogue.

RIP, Crybaby

2010-11-21T21:41:00.000-08:00

I always thought Johnny Depp's looks would carry him through to the rest of his career, kind of like Paul Newman. But I guess not.

PS: Some assorted horrendous looks Johnny Depp has worn over the years.

God, what a nerdlinger. I guess he has been in a downworld spiral for years. It seems like that last photo is of a wax version of him, I don't know.

I definitely prefer the dandy/greaser look to the Chris Angel/Dave Navarro/90's steampunk gypsy look he currently fancies.

Remember when Johnny Depp wasn't really famous anymore and then after Pirates of the Caribbean he got a new lease on fame, kind of like Robert Downey Junior and John Travolta, even though they all make more sense in their ingenue years?

Photos of Inspiration

2010-11-21T19:11:00.000-08:00

Photos of Inspiration

2010-10-12T19:31:00.000-07:00

I Love Davie Bowie Forever

2010-09-30T21:39:00.000-07:00

Fuck these modern times! Whatever happened to rock stars? We don't have them any more.

Ugly Urban: Side Boob & CK One

2010-09-26T09:47:00.000-07:00

This strange skirt has a Halloween superstore vibe.

OMG I can't wait to wear this look for fall! I am literally standing in line at Urban Outfitters buying this shapeless greige $189 sweater and this sexy poly sheer maxi. Literally.

Here's another joyous looking outfit featuring that skirt, which I guess actually is wool and costs $170. Are people really going to be wearing these skirts? Really? I wish people were just wearing the shapely and awesome maxi skirts of the 70s instead, but those have too much life- the current hip look is all about not trying hard, not being coordinated, not wearing colors, and not looking fun.

Also, these looks really evoke 90s minimalism, which I am predicting may be the next hip thing. Like, maybe soon people will be wearing slip dresses and long gray jersey skirts with nary a print in sight. During those 90's minimalist times, they used to feature rich people's homes in Vogue magazine, and it used to be like a single chair in a room. Maybe that will come back too?

Hey little Indians, maybe it's time to give these tired ass "Navajo" prints a rest. Remember when the colonialist/hipster Indian look was all about mocassins and feathers and wearing a band around your head and then that trend died but then came this surge of "ethnic" prints to replace it?

$143 for this! And to think, you could just swathe yourself in one of those tan colored plastic grocery bags for free.
Gross! You can't combine the open back cut-out look with the saggy neutral drape look, because you just get something lank and vaginal. If you're going to have a cut-out back, at least look like an early 90's ho.

This is like the most undignified look ever. It differs from the other looks, because it's not so 90's and more sexy toddler. Also, like, are you seriously supposed to wear just a bra in place of a shirt and parade around in public? I hate how all these clothes are supposed to be incidentally sexy, not in a self-aware, empowered way, but like you don't even know you have side-boob.

Lenny Kravitz Wears Hooves

2010-09-26T09:32:00.000-07:00

Hahaha. Ohmygod. Remember when Lenny Kravitz wore low-rise jeans and wraparounds? Now he is turning into a cliched neo-goth-fashion-gay type, even though he must be well over a million years old at this point. Also, remember when that song about how he wished he could fly up to the sky so very high was inescapable and everyone on earth was constantly subjected to it was also the worst song ever???? Nice drapey leather messenger bag, fool. What are you carrying in there, your ipad and some books of poetry?

Photos of Inspiration

2010-09-26T00:36:00.000-07:00

Hooves! Hooves! Hooves!

2010-09-10T06:54:00.000-07:00

The hoof looks especially great with something voluminous on top, or maybe in a pretty normal outfit like the last girl, for a dash of that "I don't know why I'm wearing hooves!" je ne sai quois. I know I posted some hooves in my last post, but I just wanted to make sure all my readers got the memo to wear hooves.

Gallery Of Looks I Hate

2010-09-05T20:41:00.000-07:00

I guess it's unfair that I am judging people by how they are dressed, but I think it's kind of fair when it's people who spend so much money on their look, right? It's not like you can get that Google t-shirt for free.

Here's a tip: Cosby sweaters and trucker hats: they never go out of style.

Inspiration: 60's Kids

2010-09-05T11:41:00.000-07:00

How come yuppie/Park Slope kinda parents always dress their children, who are named Noah or Wyatt, in crocs and cargo shorts? Do kids demand crocs by name? These kids look like total slobs! How about dressing kids, as well as yourself, more like a child or tween from the 1960's? Peg legged pants, converse high tops or Keds, simple windbreakers or striped t-shirts, this is a look anyone can and should have.

This kid looks awesome, check out the old school Pepsi bottle matching his t-shirt. Speaking of which, the simplicity of the 80's Coke/Pepsi logos was so cool. Now everything has a pumped up, airburshed look. If you think my love of old crap doesn't extend to the old soda logos, think again. In San Francisco, we don't have bodegas, we have corner stores, which always had signs with the old soda logos on them. Maybe I will do a post about it someday on Little San Francisco, that blog I never update about San Francisco no one reads!

Peg legged pants, Keds, and a t-shirt. And a bouffant!

This is more 70's, but whatever.

Seal of Approval: Michelle Rodriguez

2010-09-01T07:14:00.000-07:00

I'm always happy when Michelle Rodriguez shows up in a movie, even though she usually gets killed off because she's not the main heroine- she is, after all, too butch to be the main heroine. Mouthy, surly, and tough, as she herself says, Michelle doesn't play the delicate, easily-offended girlfriend. It's kind of like she can't, because her own personality always seems to come through. Sure, she doesn't have a lot of range, but the character she always plays is a great one.

As a fan of the action genre, it always sucks to see the female characters getting sexily raped or almost raped, spending the entire movie captured/stuffed into car trunk/in coma/tied up, crying pitifully, or needing constant rescuing. In a perfect world, Michelle would be the own star of her own (totally gay) big budget action movie, with lots of explosions and murders and no panty shots.

Sayeth Michelle:

"Well, could you really imagine me playing the girlfriend that needs rescuing? Or the girlfriend?"

"I don't want people thinking of me sexually. I don't want people to be like, 'She's hot-looking,' you know? I want them to listen to me for what I am saying. And I think the best way to do that is to sniff my armpits, and like, sit and burp every now and then. It just completely throws people off.

Photos of Inspiration

2010-08-28T08:23:00.000-07:00

I think I should try to dress more like a Pink Lady.

Dandyism: Better than Cargo Shorts

2010-08-22T21:46:00.000-07:00

Ever unpowdered, unperfumed, immaculately bathed and shaved, and dressed in a plain dark blue coat, he was always perfectly brushed, perfectly fitted, showing much perfectly starched linen, all freshly laundered, and composed with an elaborately knotted cravat.

- Barbey d'Aurevilly, "Du dandisme et de George Brummell

That Purple Rain poster was very hard to find a photo of, which is too bad because Prince's suit is epic and was clearly custom-made for him, though you can kind of see the metallic paisley and big buttons. Not that if you are reading my blog you haven't looked up close at that poster before anyway, and are also obviously well acquainted with the naked shower Prince poster too.

This image is too small, but trust me, this shit is graphic!

Once dandies were part of our culture, and though we have some modern day dandies, they are much more rare. It seems a lot of guys these days are attempting a modern dandy look, with rolled up skinny jeans and little oxfords, but what they don't know ---and all those seen in the photos above clearly do--- is that dressing like a dandy means nothing without an eye for quality, fabric, and fit. All of these we have certainly have lost the ability to recognize, but people were probably much more aware of when most clothing was handmade and meant to last. Black men of an older generation seem most likely to be dandies these days.

People can't afford bespoke suits, but you don't need bespoke suits to be a dandy. Anyone can starch a shirt. Austin Scarlett, a consummate dandy if there ever was one, amazed me on the first season of Project Runway with his morning ironing routine. The best thing about this look is the effort put into it. It's a perfectly studied flamboyance, as opposed to the flashy and trashy flamboyance I also heartily approve of. It's the opposite of what modern dressing is all about- throwing on some harem pants/pajamas/shants and a beefy tee featuring an off-color reference. Dandies do not wear wraparound sunglasses or flip flops. They tuck in their shirts. Today people don't really have any easy way of learning about clothing even if they wanted to. It's not like you can take a trip to your local department store. There is something intrinsic about the way a true dandy dresses. They have a deep understanding of what they are wearing, an understanding so few people seem to have. "Masculine" attire need not be broad and frumpy. Today's Men's Wearhouse style suits feature clingy legs and boxy blazers, but we can do better.

In conclusion, study the photos of these dandies. Look at the cut of their shirts, their well-coiffed hair, and the ease with with they wear these clothes. This tailored and covered up look is hella fine, but does not rely on conventional good looks to make it work.

Photo Key Which I am Usually Way Too Lazy To Do:

1. Man in the perennially blighted Mid-Market district of San Francisco

2., 3., & 4. Clearly Prince.

5. Katherine Hepburn

6. Fred Astaire in a dandy-inspired number

6. Frida Kahlo and family

7. Josephine Baker

8. Portrait of Una Troubridge

9. & 10. Oscar Wilde

11. Radclyffe Hall

12. Noel Coward

13. & 14. Andre 3ooo and also Big Boi but he's not the focus here, though his suit is cool too

15. Don Cornelius, who I couldn't find better photos of

16. Austin Scarlett outshines non-dandy Tim Gunn

17. & 18. These are the type of David Bowie photos I would paste on my locker in high school. Damn, this was good look for him.

19. John Waters

20. & 21. Marlene Dietrich

22. Yves St. Laurent

23. David Bowie

24, Quentin Crisp

PS: There is a show on Lifetime with Austin Scarlett and Santino from Season 2 where they road trip around and make dresses for non-fancy people and it's pretty amazing!

Ugly Urban: Making Sweatshirts Matter

2010-08-16T16:46:00.000-07:00

Urban Outfitters is collaborating with a fresh batch of designers- designers with names like Wood Wood. Speaking of Wood Wood, let's see what Wood Wood has to offer!

I like this model because her face seems to be saying it all, and there isn't much more to say than "Damn, this is ugly."

This is by "Stolen Girlfriends Club" which is kind of like the name of a Beat Happening song, except Beat Happening would have rejected the corporate machine that produced this sweatshirt, preferring instead a baby tee with a sharpie cat on it worn by an underage girl. Says Urban Outfitters: The rules of New Zealand's Stolen Girlfriends Club: a youthful rebellious spirit, a healthy sense of humor and the ability to entertain and make things matter. Talk about meaningless drivel! Here they are making a gray sweatshirt with fringe matter, and all for the low low price of $234. It is really in the style of the 80's/Jerri Blank fringed shirt, already mentioned here.

This is called a Yeti bolero because it is reminiscent of the famed snow monster. This dynamic piece, $234, is paired with saggy high waisted pants. Everyone is wearing the short shorts version of these pants this summer, making it the summer of the saggy ass.

It's pretty hard to imagine someone paying $200 for this. It seems like an insult to people in war-torn countries who wear stuff like this because they have no choice.

Too bad I can't manage to paste in the back view of these Shakuhachi Cold as Ice Sweat Pants, which are $248, because it's a doozy. Why are young people today doing this to themselves?! Those band-aid colored shoes aren't doing this look any favors, either.

Here's another gem by Wood Wood, a "pullover sweatshirt...topped with a ghostly graphic at the front." I love when the fronts of things are topped with stuff, especially when the ghostly graphic is a leaf with eyes on it. Am I missing something here? Something this sweatshirt is topped with seems off....but what?

Gay Photos, Etc.

2010-08-15T09:27:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in a while, but I haven't stopped "blogging" or anything, don't worry. I've been kind of busy and most of my posts take time/inspiration, so sometimes it is hard to be totally consistent. Expect more ranting about shants and how they relate to feminist YA novels/hipster subcultural appropriation/ glam rock stars/long haired 70's teenagers in the near future!

Glamour Is My Occupation

2010-07-26T20:59:00.000-07:00

This is how I want to look this summer. I don't know if my obsession with wearing things like hot pink leopard mini skirts has to do with the fact that everyone is wearing Fashion Dockers, but whatever. The point is that this is a good look, way better than the look of Alexa Chung. We could all use a little bit of hot pink leopard print in our lives.

Fashion Victims & Their Medical Supplies

2010-07-20T20:20:00.000-07:00

The harnessed and hobbled high-fashion S&M look is so right now. Everyone loves the studding, bondage, and S&M connotations, but it has little of the homemade original punk/goth look- instead it's all about the controlled, artsy, cleaned-up designer version. Kind of like Lady Gaga (Everyone's over her, aren't they?) if Lady Gaga had no flare. It's weird because this look is supposed to be so "edgy" and dark but really it is much more Vogue magazine, and much more sanitized than your classic leather-daddy wear. Also, this look is very big in New York right now, especially with the fashion gays. People just love to be unique in the same way, you know?

Speaking of edgy, check this out!

A fashion image of image of a model wearing a leg brace and orthopedic shoes, the kind for people with one leg shorter than the other! I think this is so brave and daring of them, and so compellingly erotic at the same time. What I am wondering is: When will Raf Simons make the $8,000 version of each of these pieces???

Here is a harness by "Skingraft," because skingrafts are like totally sexy and edgy, at least in theory, right?

Let's let these photos speak for themselves.

This is designer Raf Simons. I think he's responsible for this shit. He certainly looks responsible.

In: being skinny (transgressive), being pale/white, wearing white/black, shaving the sides of your head, bowl cuts, gladiators, girls who look like models, guys who look like female models, looking lank, flash photography, neautrals, poncho capes, hoods, mesh, low cut tanktops, a twist of the early 90's hip hop, sloppy shants/harem pants. Wearing a single earring.

It's like everyone's misplacing their flamboyance, and wants to be dramatic and interesting but doesn't know how. What will these people be wearing when this look is over? I think many of them were probably "nu ravers" (remember them???) not long ago. Anyway, everyone in New York is such a fashion victim and everyone thinks they look great and also came up with their great look on their own and did not first see it in Nylon magazine or on a hundred other people!!!!

It's Not Very Cherry, It's an Oldie But a Goodie

2010-07-20T17:57:00.000-07:00

I love old cars. Like old clothes, they are beautiful and reflect the trends of the time. Here are some of my favorites.

In the greatest song ever, Surf City, Jan and Dean joyously sing, "Got a 30's Ford Wagon and they call it a woody." I love wood paneled cars, which once were actually paneled with actual wood. You can see why people would be really into their cars and posing with them back then.

Citroens are oh so mod and space age. I love the curved backs and little taillights. Like most old cars, they seem like they have a face, as opposed to the faceless molded gray drone cars we drive today.

I also really like these late 70's-era Wagoneers with wood paneling. A precursor to 80's cars, which tend to be sporty and boxy.

For an economy model, I love the 80's era Le Cars, which you rarely see on the road these days:

It goes with your Le Bag:

What about these sneering 70's sedans and two-doors that are like twenty feet long?

1957 Ford Station Wagons:

And a 50's Buick Ad: the interior! The fins!

Photos of Inspiration: Pink

2010-07-15T18:48:00.000-07:00

I really loved pink in my teens, especially hot neon pinks. Pink really fit in with my campy view of femininity and obnoxious, kinda punky look. Like, pink fishnets were pretty much it. Then I got older and was like, "I can't believe I used to wear mini skirts and platforms mary janes and dye my hair blue!" and started to wear things I never would have worn in high school, like gold instead of silver and the color brown. Not that I have ever dressed exclusively in neutrals, heaven forbid. But I pretty much stopped wearing pink.

But now I miss pink, the tacky punk rock kind of pink. I really wanted to find photos of Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman smashing her amazing pink apartment in the second Batman movie, but they're not to be found.

Trend Report From American Apparel: Sagging Mauve

2010-07-08T21:23:00.000-07:00

These are from their vintage selection, priced at $38. As far as shorts go, it is difficult to get more unflattering than this. And shorts are often extremely unflattering.

Here are some more of their lovely pants in similar styles, from their hot new line, "1993 Hospital Waiting Room."

Yes, whether it is greige, mauve, beige or a washed-out puce, they offer a stunning array of colors and looks.

Or maybe those pale mint poly pleated pants were too sleek-looking. so how about this really, really dumpy looking skirt, which is made of polyester khaki chiffon? I already made fun of a very similar skirt, but whatever. The very first post I made on this blog was to hate on American Apparel, and that was three years ago. And look where I am today!!!

I am sooo sick of these dishrag-y tank tops that are always in this dingy color and hang down saggily in order to reveal your naked sides and bra. This one is a particularly fetching design.

Or what about this also polyester but pink polyester satin scarf? It's $26!!! My theory is that American Apparel has tons of scraps lying around and to make use out of them, they're like, "Use this leftover fabric for a 'Wrap It Yourself' beret or take these colored strings and braid them into a 'String Harness' for only thirty bucks!"

Speaking of unflattering shorts, everyone is wearing these 90's style shorts right now. It's hard to put my finger on exactly what makes them so ugly, because I like the idea of high-waisted shorts, but everyone looks really lumpen in this particular style. I think they smush down people's butts while simultaneously creating a pouch-like area in front. In fact, you might say even say that the fupa/flat ass look is the look du jour.

Ohmygod what the hell these clothes are so unbelievably ugly. Like, what the hell?! Do you know what I'm saying here??????? What is wrong with everyone????

More gross tops that look like they are from the 1994 Victoria's Secret catalogue. The textured one is nylon and costs $78. Basically, you are paying money to look like what Dov Charney jerked off to in the 90's. It's a real honor.

Speaking of being jerked off on, here are the photos they show on the website for their $64 jersey sheet set, which comes, exclusively, in white and gray, perhaps the grossest color for sheets. I know all American Apparel ads look like this, but maybe this one is a little more haunting? A little more of a human-trafficking vibe? Oh, who even knows anymore. It's all so distasteful.

Best of Lookbook: We Still Love Saggy Clothing, Looking Waifish

2010-07-07T21:44:00.000-07:00

This is entitled "coffee & novels" even though I bet he is really drinking a skim soy latte. This guy seems very influenced by the Olsen Twins. I say he can do better! I'm tired of people saying gay gays dress better than straight men. They both dress bad. I guess this guy has some flair, but it's misplaced. A few more examples:

It's like they're in a costume, but they don't know what they are supposed to be. I guess I appreciate the campiness of it, but I think lots of gays seem to dress in parodies in a sort of version of masculinity, hence the the male cast of Jersey Shore in the Village Voice queer issue, illustrating the "guido ideal." But these looks, like all the looks here, are desperately high-fashiony, except I guess the guy in the headband, who looks more Portland 2008. No one seems influenced by anything cool or really belonging to an interesting subculture, just by what is trendy.

This is a big look for girls. It's a kind of swaddled, diapery look. Everyone is into pants with saggy apendages, like dropped crotches and voluminous ankles. More neutral. More 90's. I think maybe the two bottom ones are wearing the same flowy skort? Isn't it weird that not long ago these ladies would be wearing low-rise Sevens and Juicy suits? Like the guy above, they strive for a rumpled "I just threw this flowy skort on," look.

Also hot: tucking something voluminous into a pair of 501 cut-offs and posing with a fashion hunch.

In: long hair for the ladies. But, not curly, wild long fair. That's gross. It's lank and straight, like the pleats in your shorts. And bowler hats and faux vintage sunglasses and skorts or at least a really big shirt with no pants. Standing knock-kneed and unsteadily, as usual.

Who wore the Smiths T-Shirt Better Competition:

That first guy looks your sixth-grade dream date, whereas the second guy is doing the ubiquitous pigeon-toed 90's floral thing. Which goes to show that gay guys dress no better than straight guys, but also that everyone also dresses the same, basically. Also, that everyone is, as usual, harboring the delusion that they alone control how they dress.

Mary's Musings: Ten-year old Steve Martin fans, RomComs are for Losers, etc.

2010-07-01T21:48:00.000-07:00

As a kid, I loved comedy. My main favorites were Bill Murray and Steve Martin, whose dry wit I both related to and adored. I was also a fan of John Candy, another comedian I felt I grew up with. I loved The Three Amigos (something tells me this movie would be significantly less watchable as an adult) Ghostbusters, Wayne's World, the non-corny parts of Father of the Bride 1 & 2 and L.A. Story, Twins starring Danny Devito and Arnold Scwarzenagger (I also have my doubts about that one holding up) and the work of Leslie Nielsen. Many of these movie were copied for me from video-store tapes to VHS tapes, and when the FBI warning would flash on the screen I would be terrified, anticipating a team of FBI agents breaking into my home and seizing my copy of Joe Vs. The Volcano as I watched it for the twenty-second time.

The Naked Gun series, as well as Hot Shots 1 & 2 were movies I rushed to see in theaters. My family saw Naked Gun 33 and 1/3 while traveling through Europe. We first chose to see it in England, but the British wouldn't let me see it as a ten year old, though I was with my parents. (Maybe because of the scathing Queen Elizabeth parodies such as this one?) We ended up seeing it in the formerly communist city of Prague, Czechoslovakia, in an extremely Soviet-style, all-cement movie theater. The theater creepily echoed the cement apartment we were staying in, where the lights would shut off if you didn't make it fast enough down the hallway, and at the end of the hallway, we were rewarded with an always ajar-door with red stuff on it leading to the apartment next to ours, where Czech people had violent domestic arguments. These terrifying settings did not spoil my enjoyment of the movie, which I loved. And Anna Nicole was in it, and I thought she was so beautiful. I also selected it as a film to watch at the very last birthday party I remember having, age ten or eleven, a sleepover where I felt alternately embarrassed at the crassness of my selection and annoyance that people weren't watching it.

I also remember when Wayne's World came out. It was really exciting. I was eight, and my mother and I went to see it, but we got there really late and missed the first half, so we stayed in the theater to re-watch it. I later received free or cheap copies of both Wayne's World and the equally excellent Addams Family on VHS from McDonalds as a pack. What a combo!

On a more 90's note, I enjoyed Tommy Boy and the works of Adam Sandler. I loved Ace Ventura, Pet Detective. Saturday Night Live as one and a half hours of pure enjoyment. At the end, when the cast waves goodbye and the credits roll, I would feel a great loss. It seemed extra sad because of the dramatic farewell, and I wished I was up there on that stage with my fellow hilarious castmates, signing off at the end of another great show. I didn't have cable, so there were no reruns. In vain, I would stay up, hoping something good would be on. I usually ended up watching the beginning of Showtime at The Apollo, which didn't really satisfy, just as Soul Train or Professional Wrestling would come on after cartoons and I'd watch it much more out of desperation that enjoyment.

Some of these movies have certainly held up- Bill Murray's Groundhog Day (besides Andy McDowell)/Ghostbusters 1 & 2/What About Bob? type movies are light years better than all his stupid mopey Wes Anderson/Jim Jarmusch/Sofia Coppolla roles. Dumb and Dumber is another I will not hesitate to watch if it happens to be on TV, and obviously the aforementioned Wayne's World and The Addams Family are some of the Greatest Films Ever Made. I still like Seinfeld, a middle-school age obsession neatly fitting in with my other dorky passions.

I think most comedy is really age-appropriate only for a precocious nine-year-old, whereas now the retard tingles you get after watching Michael Cera stammer his way through the same movie for the eighteenth time tend to overwhelm any "funny" aspects the movie promises to contain. Luckily, the trend of wacky sports movie died (Thank god the one starring Andy Samburg bombed) but looking at the comedies still set to be released in 2010, it doesn't look pretty. More romcoms starring Kristen Bell, and then more movies starring Steve Carrell and Paul Rudd as a duo, and then Owen Wilson is the live-action Marmaduke movie. Looks like the studios are taking some crazy, creative chances yet again!

Most comedies are geared toward men. Comedies geared towards women are called "romantic comedies," but they're not really comedies. Romantic comedies are not funny. I'm tired of women on feminist blogs being like, "We have to stop criticizing romantic comedies because they're for and about women. There's no shame in loving romantic comedy. Why aren't people ashamed of action movies instead?" Romantic comedies are insulting to women, that's why. The very format of a pathetic fairy-tale romance combined with the forced wacky hijinks of polite society makes me want to kill myself. They are simultaneously boring and embarrassing. They are almost always about women feeling stupid/ugly/single/uncool/bad about themselves. The women are never crass and funny. I think Tina Fey can be very funny, but to me 30 Rock is just like a romantic comedy- it's about hating herself (Like Chelsea Handler, I often get the feeling Tina Fey actually hates all women.)

The last time I regularly watched romantic comedies was in middle school, when friends would take me to see them. Even then, I cringed. I thought about selecting the The Wedding Singer as a movie to see for my birthday party, but after the final scene, wherein Adam Sandler sings a song called "I Want to Grow Old With You" to a very non-80's looking Drew Barrymore, I was glad I hadn't. It made me uncomfortable to watch such such treacle, and it still does.

Sure, action movies are retarded too, but they are exciting and exhilarating, and not always based on some series of horrible, cutesy, faux pas. I don't know how you can compare an entire yacht blowing up or someone getting stabbed in the face with some girl worrying whether she is too fat for her date with Hugh Grant. Only one of these scenarios should be fulfilling some kind of primal urge.

A lot of these modern, "I Love You, Man" style comedies kind of blur the line between romantic comedies and wacky retard comedies, both because the men in them appear to be in long-term, committed relationships with their male friends, and because they also have to resolve a problem with their nagging but inexplicably hot wives or girlfriends. Plus, they are always talking about their feelings. So many women seem to have embraced these kind of comedies, even laboring under the delusion that the men who star in them are attractive and sexually appealing due to their "comedic" "talents." I recently heard a young woman say she would have sex with Jonah Hill if he asked her to. Do you think, fifteen years ago, a lot of guys would be like, "Hey, she's such a great comedian, I'd have sex with Roseanne, wouldn't you?" Talk about a double standard.I mean, it would be cool if a guy said that in a way the opposite would never, ever be cool.

Also, I know I've been ranting a long time now, but I also am so sick of the faux-documentary style format I want to puke. It had already been perfected with the British The Office, some Christopher Guest movies, and Arrested Development, but, instead of thinking of something new, everyone just jumped on the bandwagon to play out a bunch of third-rate versions until it looks really dated and everyone hates it. I feel like I am the only person on earth to hate Steve Carrel and the U.S. The Office. The last commercial I saw for it promised Jim and Pam or whatever their names are having a baby and they were having a baby special episode! Way to stay true to the dry, realistic, melancholy spirit of the original, American colonialist TV producers!

Needless to say, I also hate Judd Apatow and think he directed all the most sexist, trite parts of Freaks and Geeks, which he wrongfully gets credit for and is the greatest show ever.

In conclusion, it's really hard to find funny comedies, and if you want to get high and watch a retarded comedy you haven't seen, please check out Spring Breakdown, starring Amy Poehler, Rachael Dratch, and Parker Posey, which manages to be feminist without being patronizing (alright, I can't recommend the scenes with Amer Tamblyn, but still, the movie is good.) If you are like, "Why is Jonah Hill in all these movies but these famous, established female comedians can't get their much funnier comedy released?", obviously the answer is the patriarchy, and I guess that is also the answer to the question about why I never watched any female-driven comedies or remember liking an female comedians, but we all know that.

The Lost Art of Hanging Out

2010-06-28T09:24:00.000-07:00

Sorry dudes, but now this blog is just called "Photos of 70's Teenagers."

Ugly Things I Saw at Bloomingdales

2010-06-23T21:41:00.000-07:00

These Micheal Kors shoes were such terrible monstrosities. I don't know how people walk in these things, or why they walk in them. Michael Kors is such a hack. He has his name on zillions of pink windbreakers and other low-quality crap made in China, and he is such a jerk on that terrible show no one watches anymore, Project Runway. So many 'designer' names are totally meaningless, and represent nothing but the fact that the "designer" signed an agreement four years ago. But like celebrity names, I guess they sell a brand, or in this case, hideous shoes.

Believe it or not, this was not in the "Barbara Bush Summers in Nantucket" collection. This was in the young! hip! trendy! section. I know they are going for prep, but no true prep would wear that aborted Snuggie in the middle. Anyway, we are reaching some really frumpy times. I wonder if, next in fashion, we will go back to the mid 80's Mormon look, with boxy skirts hovering around our ankles, wide puffed sleeves and a huge collar- more of a Jessica McClintock/ Laura Ashley look. We're already half way there! More than half way, really.

Edited to add later: enlarge that second photo to see the horrible crotch on the pants!

Mary's Non-Zombie Movie Review Korner

2010-06-23T08:28:00.001-07:00

I apologize for being a negligent blogger lately. Here is a post about documentaries I've watched recently, which you should also watch!

Pie in the Sky: The Brigid Berlin Story, 2000
This documentary is about Brigid Berlin, AKA Brigid Polk, who tends to fall under the umbrella term of "Warhol superstar" though they were in fact peers and he stole ideas from her. Unlike many documentaries about women with connections to famous men, Pie in the Sky is truly about its subject, not her relationship with Andy Warhol. She has had a fascinating life, from her rebellion from the wealthy WASP society she was born into, to her self portraits, Polaroids, and other artwork, to her relationship to food and her body and her family. She is definitely one of the last holdouts of the old, truly artsy weirdo New York. Though she came from a monied background like Edie Sedgewick, Brigid was the anti-Edie in so many ways, and she will never be played by Sienna Miller or be canonized by fashion magazines because she was no muse- which I mean in the best way possible.

Brigid is still an artist: look at these fucking needlepoint pillows! I have come to the conclusion that I hate 99% of art, but these pillows are something I would want to own myself. Also, her apartment is mind-blowing.

Paris is Burning, 1990

Many liberal-artsy types have seen this film, but for those who haven't, you should really see it. It's another New York story (living in New York has made me nerdily obsessed with all aspects of NYC history), depicting balls, which encompass a wide range of drag performances, as well as the origin of voguing, participated in by mostly poor, gay and minority youth. Like Pie in the Sky, I think this movie subverts the idea of what art and artists are, as well as what drag is, and plenty of other stuff: the people in this movie are nothing if not artists, constantly creating and making something out of nothing.

I've read plenty of criticism of Paris is Burning (by bell hooks, among others) which asserts that the touch is too lighthearted and trivializes these people's lives. I disagree; the first time I saw this movie, it seemed more depressing than anything else; it was upon second watching that I was so impressed with what the people in the film were accomplishing. Also, this movie features kids hanging out on the legendary Christopher Street piers, which for a long time were a hangout for gay kids who often had no other place to go. I don't really know what they are like now, except that Simone and I saw a documentary about them being "cleaned up" that played the Madonna song "This Used to be My Playground" and we laughed in a theater filled with self-righteous types.

(This is a dude, man.)

Decline of Western Civilization, Part 2, 1988
When this movie started, I was like, "Oh no, another movie glorifying rapey dudes", since glorifying rapey dudes is a big part of many movies. Hair metal, after all, (though rife with the contradiction of men essentially dressed as women, who also hate women) shares a lot with modern gangster rap, in that money, hos, and flashy lifestyles reign supreme. But as it progressed, director Penelope Spheeris (Wayne's World, man) probed more deeply and the results are amazing.

While male vulnerability is constantly avoided in most films, Spheeris spends much of her time getting these macho braggarts to admit they are alcoholics with no discernible skills who make music even they know is second-rate and whose whole life is predicated on being a huge star. When Paul Stanley of Kiss (depicted above surrounded by soft core-looking ladies) is asked whether he could fall in love with a groupie she pans over the faces of the groupies themselves to see their reactions. Many of the men admit that they not only dress like stereotypical prostitutes (see assless chaps photo above), they also basically prostitute themselves to women for food and a place to stay, despite being huge misogynists. The interview with some guy from W.A.S.P., who starts out bragging, eventually confesses he hates himself as he chugs vodka in his parents pool as his mother looks on.

Also, it's obviously worth watching for stylistic reasons. By the end, you don't even notice the hair. Speaking of which, maybe my hair should look more like this. What the hell happened to doing your hair? You literally cannot tell what gender people are half the time. Also there is one guy whose hair is half blond and half brown and the most amazing hair I've ever seen but I don't have a photo.

Heavy Metal Parking Lot, 1986

I don't know, this might be, like, one of my favorite all-time movies, I've mentioned it here before, but it's truly amazing. Just watch it. It also fits in with my assertion about guys being foxier in the 70's. Even though this is from 1986, it has a 70's vibe. I'm too tired to write any more, except that the girl who says "Hell yeah," repeatedly and has the personality of Wooderson in Dazed and Confused is my hero.

Jennifer Lopez, Style Icon

2010-06-14T16:06:00.000-07:00

I always like to see what Jennifer Lopez is wearing to an event. She wears plenty of whatevs outfits, but she is also one of the few stars to take fashion risks while sticking to a personal look. A lot of stars claim to be inspired by "old Hollywood glamour", but you can tell she really is! I love how her look is so statuesque/Barbarella/drag queeny- like my other love Beyonce, she really knows how to dress for her figure. It's funny what a scandal that green Versace dress caused; today it looks only mildly trashy. Also, that silver lurex mini dress and head wrap? Amazing!

Even More Photos From my Personal Internet Folder

2010-06-10T20:01:00.001-07:00

I thought it was cool when Venus Williams wore this lacy outfit at some big tennis thing. Everyone called her a whore; it would be one thing if she was posing for Maxim in this outfit with hair extensions (not that that would make her a whore, but as airbrushed jerk-off material, that would be more culturally appropriate), but the fact that she's on the court makes it totally cool and weird! Subverting the dominant paradigm, etc. etc.

Also, I guess I am like a gay man in that I can never really hate Madonna, even though by all accounts she is a horrible person. It seems like we always hate women for being insufferable, but what about Sean Penn? Why don't people hate him?

70's Teens: Shants are a Tool of the Patriarchy

2010-06-06T09:30:00.000-07:00

I really love photos of 70's teenagers hanging out, looking surly. I love how 70's everyday teen fashion was so simple and androgynous; everyone wore tight, leanly fitting clothes and had long hair; it is such a comfortable and cool uniform. It really is more egalitarian to dress like this.

Lately I've been thinking a lot lately about how BS it is that men's clothing got so oversized in the past 20 years and how men can excuse themselves from fashion and it's "okay." It's such bullshit how men can look like slobs because it's fruity to dress well in clothes that fit. Fuck that! I hate how even artsy, pretentious guys think dressing well is womanly and worthless. It's like, if you are interested in aesthetics, why don't you start with not wearing basketball shorts? Speaking of which, modern basketball attire is another fucking crime! Could this 70's look be any more hot/ awesome versus the modern look of baggy, shiny shorts hanging down to mid-calf? Maybe I would be interested to watch a basketball game, were these the uniforms.

Back then, it seems like it was cool to be foxy and a little femme to be a guy, to blow dry your hair or shape your afro and primp. I always think of the great scene in The Virgin Suicides (whatever to the movie itself) where Josh Hartnett saunters down the high school hallway in slow motion to the sound of Magic Man by Heart.

That left a real impression on me.

If only everyone had just one or two pairs of tight-ass bellbottoms and a striped t-shirt and cars were huge and sleek and beautiful (I love old cars; they have a lot in common with clothes) and you rode around them and turned on the radio and Kiss and Alice Cooper and Fleetwood Mac were playing. I wish shants had never been invented. And also 99% of the styles of clothing we now wear were never invented.

The Future is Here

2010-05-30T11:48:00.000-07:00

I'm so tired of this idea (often presented on Jezebel, among other places) that because plastic surgery is a CHOICE women make about their bodies, it therefore is equal to abortion or something and therefore one cannot denigrate it, and to denigrate it is to tell women what to do with their bodies/criticizing their bodies, and therefore patriarchal. Well, isn't anorexia a choice? Isn't hating yourself a choice? Isn't abusing yourself and holding yourself up to a horrifying standard a choice? As Gaby so eloquently put it, "Feminism isn't about choices! No one ever said feminism was about choice!" Choices like these are not made in a vacuum. They are reflective of disturbing, patriarchal cultural practices in our society, which contribute to an eerily futuristic and homogenized idea of beauty, marketability, femininity, and value. It is women caving into these demands, and it's fucking scary and horrifying.

I understand that some cosmetic surgery is supposed to be more culturally acceptable- ie, having a nose job if you have a prominent nose, but we have to understand these surgeries also do not spring from nowhere. We must remember it was our culture that made you feel bad about your nose, not the nose itself. Before there were mirrors, people barely had any idea what they looked like.

How ridiculous that Jessica Simpson has that TV show "The Price of Beauty" where she is supposed to be pointing out how twisted and weird the world's beauty practices are, when she and others spend their time having massive amounts of unnecessary surgery, having plastic balloons and rubber pieces inserted in their bodies, having flesh carved or sucked out of them, having skin pulled back and sewn back into another place, and being injected with fluids and chemicals? Like, take a step back, people! It's not okay, it's not a stylistic choice like your haircut or anything like the choice to have an abortion, and it isn't equivalent to what plastic surgery was designed for, which is for people with actual deformities/disabilities/etc. We shouldn't encourage a society where this is the standard. It is wrong. Period.

YA Books to Movies: A Lifetime of Disappointment

2010-05-25T20:06:00.000-07:00

Seeing the glossy promotional posters for the new Ramona and Beezus movie starring Selena Gomez as Beezus has renewed the anger I felt as a tween when my beloved young adult books were turned into shiny, boppy movies that totally ruined everything about the books themselves.

Now when I re-read YA books, particularly those from the 70's and early 80's, I'm truly surprised at how spare and realistic they often are. The endings are often abrupt and unresolved, and instead of a lot of cheesy poetic editorializing, we often get the straightforward narration of a young person. Read Starring Sally J. Freedman as Herself, and be struck by the dark undercurrents of her post WW2 life coupled with her naivete and adolescent awkwardness, all told through her eyes. And what about Harriet the Spy? I knew that book was totally weird even when reading it as a kid- her relationship with Ole Golly and the line drawings of Ole Golly's mother terrified me. Roald Dahl is another one whose work clearly has a sinister, if kooky, edge (which was actually pulled off in the first Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory! And maybe The Witches? I can't remember.)

Even as a kid (though I was a little too old for the movies when the rash of 90's era ones came out) I was disappointed in these movies, which, distinctly, lacked any of the bite of the originals. I knew that Harriet was supposed to take place in the 1960's, that Matilda and her story were intensely and irrevocably British. I was aghast to see the girl cast as Sarah Crewe in The Little Princess; this was a character who was repeatedly described as odd, weird-looking, and a little off-putting. Sure, she had a kindly heart, but she wasn't supposed to be a child model.

And when I think about Ramona, I think about her overworked parents who struggled with money, her house in Klikitat street in the rainy Pacific Northwest, her so familiar hatred of staying with the babysitter or at another kid's house because of aforesaid working parents, and Beezus feeling horribly awkward and embarrassed about everything. This shiny, allergy-fighting pharmaceutical commercial-esque sunniness and Gomez' airbrushed face seem to have no relation to the original characters.

Taking the protagonist and giving her shiny hair and these ease of a one-dimensional popular girl is a common theme in movie-making, and somehow I can't imagine film executives pouring over Barthe DeClements oeuvre and saying, "Do you think we made this twelve-year-old girl character realistic? Do you think we picked up on the dryness if the original text?" Instead we get the Hannah Montana phenomenon, where everything for kids is glossed up and filled with ridiculous distractions, all made with the assumption that children cannot pay attention to anything for more than 20 seconds. They are probably thinking, "Little girls like glitter, hair extensions, pink, and commercial tie-ins!' We can take men and sometimes women seriously, but the media is clearly uninterested in how children might really think, act, and feel, even though we were all children once and of course can trace the route of our grown-up insanity from childhood.

Of course, this movie also comes after the recent trend of making movies ostensibly about little girls, but are really about the director's "vision," including The Fall, Tideland (do NOT see that one) and even the slightly better but still under the same category Pan's Labyrinth. These films featured young female protagonists only as innocent foils to the fucked-up goings on around them.

I love good YA because, at its best, it is simple, painfully realistic storytelling, as opposed to the meaningless jerking-off that makes up the work of so many "real" authors, who mostly seem interested in little girls sexually, or, again, merely as innocent foils. Is there a coincidence that the most famous "real" novel featuring a little girl is probably Lolita? I love good YA because it says, "These stories are not trivial." Believe it or not, realistic honesty in art if often more meaningful than obtuse truths and hidden themes. And because they are about kids, particularly little girls, the genre will probably never get its due.

PS: Ohmygod.

PPS: For more on this subject, read my The Golden Compass review!

Persephassa, my favorite Flickr person

2010-05-15T18:38:00.000-07:00

Of all those who post their outfits, persephassa is my favorite. I love the way she puts clothing together and wears 30's gowns and old sweaters with an equal amount of queenly panache. With so many people, the clothes seem to be wearing them, as if they have no control over what is on their body and they were just attacked by whatever trends happened to be passing by; it is so nice to see people who are the exact opposite. In an ideal world, everyone would dress more intuitively, creatively, and colorfully, and be comfortable and happy while doing so.

Inspiration: Striped T-shirts

2010-05-13T08:52:00.000-07:00

Look! A normal fashion blog-type post!
I'm always looking for the perfect striped t-shirt- I had a great one from Forevs that perished in the fire, but whenever I try on new ones it always seems like the necklines aren't right or the stripes are weird or something. Striped tees are hot right now, but as you can see they are a classic style.
PS: That last one is my "art." If you want to buy a gay sailors portrait, let me know!!!

Hats Off to Everyone

2010-05-08T14:10:00.000-07:00

Hey dudes, it's time to give these hats a rest! You're not Tom Waits, you're not William Burroughs, and you're not a 1950's-era jazz musician. The amount of men walking around this summer wearing a straw fedora, usually with the waning-but-won't-give-up deep v and shants, is truly devastating. Sometimes you have to take a step back and think, "If Justin Timberlake popularized this trend, does it make it less cool?" The answer is yes.

Here are some more trends and their current status:

FINALLY WANING:

-Mocassins/Minntonkas/fringe/feathers/The "Injun" Look

-Wearing a band around your head

-Huge Glasses

-Aforementioned deep Vs

-Cosby sweaters

-Pointy little oxfords

-Tom's

-Doc Martens

-Flannel

TOTALLY OVER

-Neons/Nu Rave

-Fashion mullets

-Random belts

-Wet look leggings (I did see some in the children's department of Target, though!)

MAXIMUM SATURATION POINT:

-90's florals

-Chambray

-Any fucking kind of stupid hat

-Short puffy high waisted skirts

-Blazers with rolled up sleeves

-Horrible faux leather shrunken bomber jackets

-Big ugly shoes

-Flabby denim cut-offs

-Harem/bulky/pleated pants

-Socks with aforementioned big ugly shoes

HERE TO STAY FOR AWHILE, I GUESS?

-Wayfarers

-Sack dresses

-Rompers

-Leggings as pants

-Thinking skateboarding is cool

-Posing like a frightened but sexy four-year-old

THE FUTURE

-I'm thinking those 90's stretchy tops that you bought at like Gadzooks or Fashion Bug with, like, photo print daisies on them?

-Ball chain necklaces: let's make it happen!

-Ironic XL Tommy Hilfiger?

Photos of Inspiration

2010-05-08T07:49:00.001-07:00

Whenever I do photo posts, I always think, "Oh god, I probably stole these photos from someone's blog who is looking at this post right now! I'll be exposed as a fraud!!!"

Great Photo I Found on the Internet

2010-05-06T09:36:00.000-07:00

Amazing! If anyone has photos of like this, send them to me. I'm contracted to do a coffee table book about awkward teenage bands.

Trend Report from American Apparel

2010-05-06T08:44:00.000-07:00

Gaby sent me the link to these mesh harem pants, the glam "new" style from American Apparel. Reviews confirm that, upon wearing, "Men stare and women compliment!" Wow, men stare, do they? What a commendation! It's so hard to get that to happen! I might just have to slip these on and visit a bodega and let the sheer mesh harem pants do the talking, if you know what I mean! And then I can just transition to a gallery opening or a prix fixe meal or an Opening Ceremony trunk sale and I'll fit right in there too!

Says the reviewer, "I wear it with just a basic bodysuit underneath and a narrow belt on top. You cant find anything like this anywhere else!!" How about a mid 80's workout video? What I hate about American Apparel, besides the fact that they suck in every way, is that it's all about mixing frump with slore. All your sluttiness has to be coded in this weird flowy crotch and lank greasy hair or whatever to distance you from the non-ironic, non-pretentious, "run-of-the-mill" ho who you are so much better than. Speaking of which:

What the hell is up with this?! I've noticed this "new trend" at such places as Topshop, the worst store in the world besides American Apparel and also Opening Ceremony: the long shapeless sheer skirt. Finally, we can combine the dowdiness of a calf-length skirt with the sheerness of your favorite teddy. There us nothing more elegant than a cloud of polyester chiffon on a hot summer's day, especially with a thong underneath. Trust me, since you can see your butt though this, men will stare!

Also, these are the worst:

Also, let's give these monstrous, infantile hair bows a rest:

And lastly:

Visors?! Someday I'm going to take the stock from a dollar store and put new prices on everything and change the sign from Dollar Up to American Apparel and wait for patrons. Half the time I see an old Asian lady on the street carrying recycling I think she is an American Apparel type, and then sometimes the reverse happens.

Mary's Musings: More on Globalization, Bowler Hats

2010-04-26T10:50:00.001-07:00

Above: Unique Assorted Looks from Across the World, courtesy of Lookbook, which I always want to make fun of but can't because it is basically this photo repeated 10,000 times.

1. Apparently the Face Hunter has decried globalization, saying:

"Globalization is a myth. The belief that international brands and pop culture are making the world a standardized society populated by clones is an old-skool science-fiction vision of the future, not the reality of the 21st century."

and

"we should talk of 'creole-ization,'" which is "customizing identity from fragments of culture from different parts of world."

and

"Trends are dead, baby! Become what you are' is now a reality."

Well, obviously he's not going to say that everyone looks the same everywhere because of globalization, and that the ten million people wearing a bowler hat and posing pigeon-toed from Norway to Korea is indicative of that.

But it's not like globalization only relates to big brands and corporations. Cultural globalization has everything to do with the fact that everyone with a computer can view people and trends from across the planet, whereas once cultural influences were insular and therefore had to be somewhat unique. It has to do with the fact that people's cultural references came largely from where they were from, instead of from a glowing box. And let us not forget that street style can trickle up or down- the current trend of wearing huge, teetering platforms with crap hanging off them (or "big ugly shoes" as I call them) obviously started with designer fashion, as the style is one of the few thoroughly modern looks popular, and there's not really any skewing going on there.

I have been using my razor-sharp observation skills to look at the people of New York City, where I currently am (uh, do you have a job for me? List of jobs I'm interested in will follow at end of post.*) People in New York look a little more polished, a little more on-point, but they are overwhelmingly just wearing the same trends we have all seen so much and made so much fun of: Saggy pleated shorts, chambray shirts, boxy blazers with rolled sleeves, the aforementioned bowler hat (for the love of god, stop wearing those!!!!!) and, for guys, the Sartorialist look which is at least a cute one.

Lastly, everything today has gotten so fashion-y. There used to be a huge divide between designer and plebeian. Maybe this is apropos of nothing, but remember that Britney Sometimes video? I do. I remember watching it in horror as she capered around in a white cropped turtleneck and baggy pants, like her stylist had walked blindfolded into a Deb sale rack and shortened the first thing he could find into a half-shirt:

Anyway, it blew me away how fugly it was. It was that really thick ribbed knit, too.

I just think this sort of thing wouldn't fly anymore, you know? Everyone collaborates with a designer, and every fashion blog features some fourteen year old jerking off over the new
Alexander Wang collection. When I was in high school, no one knew about this stuff. To them,
"designer" was the Paul Frank monkey or Mavi jeans or something. The pervasive idea that you can take designer looks and "skew" them and make them your own is supposed to democratize fashion, but you're still echoing the establishment- the same with designer capsule collections for cheap stores.

The point is, globalization and the like is more insidious than you think. It's not just kids in remote China eating happy meals, man! And as for the "old-skool [skool??!!] science-fiction vision" of the future, let's not forget if someone from the past flash-forwarded to today and saw a zillion people staring at little glowing screens and wearing wet-look leggings, they'd be pretty freaked out!

2. Words I wish never to hear again:
panini, I hate saying this word, and I hate how every crappy chain restaurant in the world is all over ciabatta and microgreens and all this fancy stuff that only makes sense when it doesn't come out of a baggie in the freezer.

pimp and all its variations. The 2000's were the worst, and now that I am reflecting upon them a lot, I am getting more and more angry that I had to come of age in such a horrible, turtleneck/half-shirt wearing decade. Using the word pimp as an adjective or verb is not okay.

3. Here is a funny blog for you guys to read: Godmammit I'm Mad. This is a lady after my own heart, who hates Sea of Shoes and whose hero is Patti Smith, and who posts amazing photos of herself as a teen runaway hanging out on Sunset Boulevard in the 60's and 70's. It's worth reading the back entries, except that most of 2008 is just anti Sarah Palin posts.

* Jobs:
1. Malcolm McClaren-esque band manager. Give me a band clad in turtleneck half-shirts and I will turn them all into stars!
2. Gaddabout. Hire me for your magazine and I'll make droll observations about parties I attend for free.
3. Costumer for whatever. No longer will no one sit in the audience and fume about how this movie supposedly set in the 1970's clearly features people wearing modern jeans!
4. Simon Doonan or Amy Sedaris or Judy Blume, or assistant to Simon Doonan or Amy Sedaris, but not Judy Blume because I guess she is retired.
5. Vintage museum curator.
6. Trend forecaster, but used for good, not evil.
7. Glam rock expert.
8. Basically any other sort of job, hopefully something to do with vintage clothing, YA fiction, feminism, writing, editing, or similar.

PS: Malcom McClaren's coffin:

Vote!

2010-04-14T20:42:00.000-07:00

Hey there! I won't be posting for a little while because I'm on one of my famous road trips, but since you are so bored and looking at the internet, why don't you vote for Willie Mae Rock Camp on this Pepsi Challenge thing? You can vote at least twice a day. I have volunteered at rock camp for many years, and it is truly the best and most empowering feminist cause ever, directly affects and helps young girls, and is the kind of thing you are upset you never got the opportunity to do as a kid. The community center they want this grant for could really help out a lot of girls- after all, camp lasts only a week, but this would be open year round.

Anyway, I will post for real eventually, etc.

Horrifying and Horrible Things I have Found on eBay Lately

2010-04-09T00:17:00.001-07:00

This went for like $160! Huge blazers are getting their sleeves scrunched up these days, in order to distract you from the fact that you are wearing a huge blazer.

This dress was identified as being by the designer Kathi Lee. God, I wish I could go back in time to a Wal-Mart in 1996 and get these fresh off the racks!

Now it's not just shapeless short floral 90's dresses, but the long Mormon-y ones have also hit the scene. If you don't believe me, look at this photo of fashion icon Lindsay Lohan:

Also, this jumpsuit photo is worth posting:

The shape of this makes for an unsettling look.

Oh god, it's rayon floral shorts attached to a denim top! And it has two bids.

Isn't this darling? I'm also predicting these denim and chambray pieces embroidered with Winnie the Pooh and friends but made for adult women are what simply everyone will be wearing by fall. One needs only add strappy platform bondage heels and a bowler hat. In the parlance of fashion blogs, I am totally "coveting" and "obsessing" over these!

Dressing Up

2010-04-07T10:00:00.001-07:00

The pages of fashion magazines are constantly urging us to mix high with low, old with new, casual with dressy, because, while once fashion was about wearing things that went and looked good together, it is now and seemingly always will be about everything going all the time. It's a free for all, it is meaningless, and it's why Alexa Chung is considered fashionable.

First she is wearing a wool jacket, tights, biker shorts or something, and a straw bag. Hey, straw and wool don't go together. One is summer, the other winter. They look awkward, right? But, no, they are quirky, it turns out. Especially if Karl gave you the bag. Or maybe you are just hanging out, wearing the worst, boxiest cut-off overall 90's dress ever, should you pair black patent low-heeled pumps with it?

First of all, the constant refrain of high/low is stupid, because no one has much high to begin with. There was an article awhile back from Bazarre that introduced the chic/totally recession-proof idea of cost per wear, noting that all the designer-clad young ladies were doing it- wearing things more than once! One lady bought a $6,000 gold bolero but she makes it work because she wears it with jeans, too! It practically pays for itself. In fact, have you noticed you can wear anything with jeans? Check out Sea of Shoes' mom, below. They don't even have to be crisp dark denim jeans. They can be a repulsive faded pair with cut-off hems, and do they go with velvet high heels, a tailored blazer and a sequined cardigan? Yes, they do.

Back in the day, no one would have dreamed of wearing formal cut-offs or leggings as pants with an above-crotch length top. People didn't wear pajamas on the street, boots with bathing suits, tank tops to dinner and flip-flops with wool coats. You wore your winter clothes in winter and your summer clothes in summer and you always had a hat.

Chambray diaper-esque onesie with black tights, and black velvet jacket.

Blazer, high heels, tailored bag, saggy, frayed cut-offs.

This doesn't go. Unless you're a teen. If you're a teen it is cute to mix and match and you are supposed to look like a wacky slob. But then if you are a teen your bag doesn't cost $12,000.

Obviously, fashion was more of a tyranny then, so it is good we have evolved out of it in many ways. Today, women have much more freedom, and the availability of fast, used and cheap fashion means you can look elegant clad in inexpensively-bought clothes. We have the option to be really creative and amazing, but we don't take advantage of it, so, as Simone and I have often discussed, we might as well issue standard clothing to people, because all those people wearing Juicy suits and leggings are just wasting their freedom anyway.

However, fashion is still a tyranny. We still cling desperately to ideas of masculine and feminine (Thank god guys pants are finally getting tighter!!!), we still dress the way we do because society tells us to. Women are often unwilling to present themselves as adults. No one wants to be statuesque or polished, everyone wants to be coltish and undone, like Kate Moss. And people seem to think dressing up is not punk rock/too much work/for other people.

It saddens me when I dress up for a fancy event and everyone else looks like a slob. Why not look nice? If you're a butch lady and resent having to dress up, try a well-cut suit! If you don't have a lot of money, you can find good shit at thrift stores. As I've previously written about, too many people think fashion is about labels and a non-accessible world instead of how they dress every day. It's not about being tied to fashion ideals, trends, shopping a lot, and the world of high fashion (as previously noted, they all look like slobs too), it's about presenting yourself with the dignity that comes from being turned out. It doesn't mean being boring or having to sacrifice yourself. And cut-offs with high heels look like TRASH, but not in a good way.

eBay Auctions

2010-04-02T15:35:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't done a real post in while. Perhaps you want to buy some vintage, or a Betsey Johnson dress, from my eBay auctions? Don't be shy. I'm also selling a pair of Harley Davidson boots, just like you've always wanted.

Photos of Inspiration

2010-03-27T10:45:00.000-07:00

That middle photo is Canal Street in the 1800's.

Flamboyance: A Love Story

2010-03-17T21:33:00.000-07:00

As you may or may not know, I grew up in San Francisco, perhaps the gayest place on Earth. When I was younger, it didn't make that much sense to me to feel pride and a connection to where you came from; after all, it wasn't any accomplishment of mine. But as I got older and lived in different places, I realized how much San Francisco has shaped who I am (and how the food is like a zillion times better than almost anywhere else), how valuable it is for me to have this connection, and how lucky I am to have lived here.

Of course, there are many aspects of the city I could opine about- the sudden views of the ocean or the bay when driving down a hill, the micro-climates, the patchworky Victorian houses, the completely unique look and feel of each neighborhood, the tacos...(see me and Simone's rarely updated other blog, Little San Francisco, for more!) but I think my favorite part of San Francisco is its history of flamboyance and weirdness and weirdo outsiders expressing that flamboyance in a unique and showy way.

In the 1800's, San Francisco was an outpost of the wild west and lawless Barbary Coast. More cosmopolitan than the typical West saloon town, it was inhabited by weirdos from an early start. Madames rose to prominence, often becoming important figures in politics and society and affecting change. Society as established in other places was not set in stone in San Francisco yet, and as a result women and other marginalized people often took on roles they wouldn't have been allowed to take in other places.*

But what I'm really talking about is San Franciso's history of flamboyance as agitation- particularly in gay culture, and my memories of the Castro from when I was a kid, before there was even a Diesel or a Pottery Barn there. Seeing leather daddies and drag queens and other flamboyant people walk proudly across the street, and the acceptance that comes with it, never has failed to warm my heart. The drag queens and drag queen shows, the flashy and gay but serious political activists like The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, and so many others have impressed upon me that there is value in glamour, especially when you are subverting what everyone thinks is glamorous.

Looking back on it, I have always connected to this idea. I went to a large, public, magnet high school, and aside from my weirdo friends, it was a sea of Gap flares and gray oversized sweatshirts and grade-obsession. For instance, in a school of 2,600, in San Francisco, I knew virtually nobody who was "out" and/or even went to GSA besides my weirdo friends, who did things like perform choreographed dances in drag/dinosaur costumes (it's charming when you're 16!) to "Electric Barbarella" at school events even though the other acts were acapella versions of Backstreet Boys songs performed by students wearing all baggy white clothes from Aeropostale. Naturally, I totally hated everyone and everything, except for glam rock, the subject of many a fevered adolescent dream.

Before my senior year, my friend Emily and I made a pact- a Dress Crazy Pact, to dress crazy every day we could. And I spent the next year with hair dyed pink, blue, purple, etc., wearing clothing I often felt was glam rock- tons of rhinestones, tons of hot pink, big earrings, poofy skirts, torn 50's dresses, striped tights with ripped fishnets over them. (Looking back on it, I think, 'Why didn't I get a sequined 70's jumpsuit and paint my face or something cool like that?' But, you know, it was still practically the 90's, and I thought that holographic Tripp NYC vinyl mini skirt was so Iggy Pop.)

Looking back on it, I was not wandering around, pasting photos of David Bowie to my locker, thinking "The personal is political" or "I am defining myself as 'the other'," but, "Maybe these clothes will blow everyone's minds and make them freak out!" I thought of my clothes as agitation even then, that they were a bright spot in everyone else's Scan-Tron of a day.

Discovering David Bowie, with his intensely weird and glamorous image, was huge for me. Julia commented on my post about space funk by saying how its proponents, as marginalized people, consciously defined themselves as the other- so other they were out of this world, and glam rock did the same thing. David Bowie, who deserves a post of his own, was aggressively queer, aggressively weird, aggressively artsy, but he was never aggressive. While many forms of punk rock and so many other music styles always seem to be rooted in typically masculine aggression, David Bowie copied Lou Reed's bitchy queen persona, or Andy Warhol's glitter-covered Superstars. Even before he was glam rock, he wore a dress on the cover of The Man Who Sold the World and the album was banned. I love the idea of glamorous weirdness as agitation (please see my YA book review post about this too) because so much activism and ways of separating yourself are conventionally aggressive, boring, or drab.

Watching Divine in Pink Flamingos walk down the street in the clip above was shockingly empowering for me as a teen, and now that I'm older it's all coming together, man. You don't have to wear a fair-trade Guatemalan hat and a polar fleece to make a political statement. When I got to college, I co-wrote an essay about the history of camp that really enlightened me- camping it up as a gay was a way to cope, an aggressive rejection of mass culture, and a performance all in one. After all, regular, straight culture was not open to gay people, and it still isn't.

Obviously, I don't want to be co-opting traditional gay male culture (and obviously it encompasses many things and there is no singular gay male culture), and it sucks how, in pop culture, gay men have become this obnoxious, makeover-giving, sassy, one-dimensional presence for straight women to rely on when the real men in their lives don't come through. But I do think, for women, there is a tendency to veer away from such things as flamboyance, and learning how to be flamboyant is important and powerful. I am always going on about how I'm tired of the lankness so popular in pop culture right now, and it's not just because I think it's ugly and love Kelly Bundy. It's because it's so easy to digest, to project oneself upon. I have spent many years feeling like a miniature drag queen compared to the greige indie girls, like I was not the one who boys were interested in, being too opinionated, too lively, and too active (as opposed to passive.)

And as I've written about before, I've always loved the ballsy, brassy, loud, cheap women in pop culture more than the meek, polite, pretty, appropriate ones. Similarly, I've always preferred people who are a little bitchy, mean and sarcastic instead of those who who are more pleasant and docile. It's taken me a while to realize why I like and connect to all this stuff, and in some ways, I'm still figuring it out.

In conclusion, I'm sure I could write a book on this, and apologize for this hastily written and unorganized post. As you can see, I don't go through a whole lot of edits, but if someone wants to pay me to write a book on this, I will do it.

*My brilliant SF public works thing is traditional, huge bronze figures like the statues of generals and presidents, done of drag queens, brothel owners, and other people who have made San Francisco what it is. Better than those meaningless, beyond fug heart statues that were placed allover the city!