Ugly UO Items of the Day: The Drab Onesie

Now, onesies are truly one of the trashiest and hilariously named garments out there, but if there's one thing a onesie should be, I say "fun." After all, a onesie is basically a jumpsuit with shorts attached, and they are also referred to as "rompers", another name that indicates that you know, babies wear them. For instance, over the summer I saw this lady in the Lower East Side wearing a kelly green, terry cloth onesie that covered about as much as a swimsuit, even though she was in the middle of a city. It was a very Suzanne Somers on Three's Company look, and it was heinous and inappropriate, but at least it had that lighthearted, freewheelin' feeling.

Not these onesies, though. These are by far the drabbest onesies I have ever seen. On the left we have Lux Linen Utility Onesy (to me, the spelling is "onesie" and "onesie" only) which looks like a hybrid between a mechanic's jumspuit and those "cyber" clothes that got popular around 1998. The super high-looking model is trying to sex it up, but I would say the look is more confusing than provocative. On the right is the hilariously named Lux Linen Romper Onsie, (sent to me by reader/BFF/sole commentor Simone of the Accordion Connection) which looks like it was designed for East German schoolchildren at summer camp, but not in a good way. Either way, these mud colored, sack-like, linen onesies have really got me down. And, in a sad, strange way, longing for a nice sherbet-colored one like this, to pair with my gold platforms and Mystic tan and such.