When Not Wearing a Huge Bow Underneath Your Boobs Isn't Enough

You know when you put on those oversized Jackie O sunglasses, and the black satin opera length gloves with the ring and the evening bag, and you've added some black tights and expensive, ugly shoes that look like they could kill a man (but not in a good way) and then, finally, you've put on that baggy denim-look parachute-esque but also satin trench thing to wear as a mini dress?

I mean, I know all about these things, but after I've put them all on, I know something crucial is missing from my outfit- a huge black bow belt to top it all off! No, not at my natural waistline, or even the drop-waist created by that mess of a jacket, but right under my boobs! Yes- perfection! I could gaze in the mirror all day, looking like discarded wrapping paper from a fancy party for people with bad taste, all stuffed into a trash can.