$500 Old Tee shirts Tie-dyed in a Bucket Soon to Follow!

I'm sorry I haven't posted much lately, but you, as one of my five to six readers, should probably not bother checking back until the new year. However, I am posting about something that needs commenting, and that is the hot, hot new accessories line Lanyard, the necklaces of which are shown above.

Simone mentioned these to me, and then I read about them in Bazaar. That's right, Bazaar! Bazaar was like, "Neon is so in! Get the look before anybody with the necklaces by Lanyard. Most under $200." First of all, it's called Lanyard. It's like someone making accessories out of literal shit and calling the line "Excrement." Secondly, most are under $200? That means people are paying $200 to wear a nylon lanyard around their neck. The same nylon lanyards that cost like .25 a yard and you wear to camp. Of course, these are artfully tied into knots, and we all know how hard it is to tie a knot. Normally I'd say that you could just make one at home, but why would you want to? You could also link together rubber bands and wear them around your neck, or piece together promotional polo shirts from tech companies and make them into a dress. We could all do a lot of things.

Of course the "designer" is some Williamsburg-based "art student" who I'm sure is totally lacking in money and connections, but makes up for all that with his stunning talent.

Simone Thinks She May Be a Nazi

It took me a while to realize this, but I realized recently that I hate Heidi Klum. I don't really like any of the judges on Project Runway that much, because they all have boring taste and thus tend to praise the safe and trendy, and Michael Kors' khaki-clad, blown-out hairdo-ed jetsetter aesthetic (I actually wrote that description before I found that image, to give you an idea of how completely boring and one-note he is as a designer) has always struck me as repulsive, but at least he and fellow judge Nina Garcia actually do have experience in the fashion industry.

Heidi, on the other hand, has experience stuffing her fake boobs into various overpriced bras and panties and sitting in front of wind machines. Oh, excuse me, she's a "jewelery designer," a title I'm she would have gotten even if she didn't model. But seriously, she doesn't even model actual designer clothes, she models for Sports Illustrated, as well as partaking in the rather hilariously pageant-esque Victoria's Secret runway show.

Anyway, my point is, as a judge, she doesn't display any sort of knowledge about the industry. Her comments are always like, "To me, it looks...cheap, no?" Or, "What is that? It is so ugly, it looks like it came from the basement, yes?" (Sorry to make fun of her as non-native English speaker, but, you know, she deserves it.) She certainly doesn't seem to base her critiques on stuff she knows, just her personal opinion. Which lead her to wear that tie-dyed number, and that elegant white-gloved look above.

What's more, she exhibits little to no creativity in her personal style and is usually seen on the show wearing the latest glittering sack dress in a muted color/black. Her overall appearance, from her beige extensions to her Mystic tan to her fake boobs to her crappy clothes, is just totally bland. And, as a host, I find her boring. I hate that Bravo shows always hire some model to host when someone like Tim Gunn would do a much better job. And on more than one occasion, she has called people fat and reacted with horror to "plus sizes."

PS: Also, who buys a hot pink, ostrich-print Birkin? That purse costs like $3,000 and is supposed to be classic, which is stupid and all, but getting the Malibu Barbie version is just so trashy. Of course, wearing it with a paint-splattered trucker hat or whatever that is finishes the look.

PPS: Classy!

Things I Bought at the Flea Market, Or: I'm a Failure, Or: Fuck You, Craigslist!

Today I am switching things up a notch, and posting photos of myself/posting on a more reflective and personal note. Right now I am depressed because I did not get that tutoring job, and I am sick of applying for jobs that don't sound that great and talking up my lack of experience which they are clearly not impressed by anyway. All the descriptions on craigslist are like, "Are you [buzzword]? Are you [buzzword]? Are you committed to helping the hottest, number fourteen marketing firm in the Bay Area? Do you want to design our website? Would you like to promote this vodka? How about finance, or web design? HOW ABOUT WE REQUIRE A YEAR OF EXPERIENCE FOR THIS UNPAID INTERNSHIP? DOES THAT SOUND FAIR TO YOU?" Ugh!

Anyway, looking for jobs post-graduation is hella depressing, particularly because I am sorting through all my old school papers because I have nothing else to do, and I feel like I'm not living up to the promise of my sixth grade self, who wrote a relatively historically accurate short story about Vikings with real Viking words in it, based on her favorite educational magazine, Kids Discover. (Also, in seventh grade we had to create our own themed magazines and my theme was books. The title? Bibliophile. No joke. Like, I wish I could travel back in time and be like, "Really, twelve year old Mary? Bibliophile? You're lucky you don't go to a school where dorks get beat up.")

So, in conclusion, here are some things I recently purchased at the De Anza Flea Market, where I watched my mom's booth for awhile and the buyers are so cheap I felt like stabbing a large amount of the customers. I really wanted to stab this old Russian or German or something lady wearing leopard print pants in particular, but they were numerous in amount.

Also, flea markets have really gone downhill! Most of the merchandise is the same stuff you get at dollar stores, like crap imported from China, and the booths full of truly old things are few and far between.

I spotted these heads at a booth, and they were $20, so I was like, "I'll think about them." Then I thought about them a lot and I decided I couldn't live without them and then I couldn't find the booth and I got kind of panicked but luckily I found it and now I have more useless decor for when I move out. They're from the 50's. The boy head looks gay, gay, gay. I think he's wearing lipstick.

I mostly rummaged through this box of stuff because this shaky old man was very insistent and I felt bad for him or something. He showed me this amazing Victorian pocket watch he had too but I didn't buy it because it was $50. Every time I looked at something for more than half a second, he'd shriek, "Set it aside!" I ended up putting all this random stuff aside, like the inside of a watch. Anyway, I did buy this from him for $4, which wasn't so cheap, but I do like it. I think it's a tie pin but I chose to wear it in my hair.

I know I should have edited out all the trash in this one, but whatevs. Also, let's pretend you can't see my bra through the dress. This was $8. It looks like a 40's knit dress but it's from the early 80's I think.

Here is my squirrel pin that I took from my Mom's store, Mary's Exchange. It was there to jazz up the dress. I did not buy it at the flea market. I always feel frumpy in my glasses so I took them off for this shot.

Photos of Inspiration