I Am Sick of Looking at this Bitch

Not that it really matters, but I am sick of looking at the face of Gerard Butler. Everyone keeps talking about how handsome and manly he is, but are they seeing the same face that I am? He looks like he got punched in the face one too many times. I hate how it's fine for male actors to have squashed noses and faces because it looks like they got in lots of sexy, masculine fights, but women can't even have a bump on their nose.

Speaking of squashed faces/being hideously ugly, remember Shane West, who played Darby Crash in that little-seen Germs biopic? Really he should have been in a Sum 41 biopic, as "Dereyk Wibley", ultra-talented lead singer and ex-husband of Avril Lavigne. Shane West is another one people thought was cute in high school, and I was like, "Him? That Shane West?" I think they are seceretly the same person, much like David Cross and Corey Kennedy. Anyway, if Hollywood is calling, I'm ready to answer: yes, I will direct the biopic of the life of Dereyk Whibley.

It's hard to pick which one is more attractive. Or more punk rock!

Urban Outfitters & Sea of Shoes

They currently have over eight pairs of harem pants on their website. The first pair aren't harem pants, but they are certainly "pussy gut" pants. This has got to be the most unflattering shape ever. Then the harem pantaloons on the bottom....I don't know. I don't know, guys. This might be the worst moment for fashion ever. Like, I hate almost everything about the 90's, but at least it was original the first time. You may want to check out some other selections to confirm this...


Ohmygod!!! People really will just wear whatever they see on other people they think look "cool", won't they? Only someone with no will of their own would actually purchase these shorts. This just makes me sad.

Urban's styling tip: Try a saggy gray t-shirt with a saggy gray sweater on top. Also, underneath wear those gladiator sandals that have a little saggy socklet attached. In gray.

Speaking of saggy...

I think I would probably cry if I was forced to wear this.


Urban sez: "Unlike our other Urban Renewal items, Urban Renewal Vintage pieces like this blazer come to you in their original vintage silhouette. Sourced from all over the map, each blazer is hand-picked."

Translation: You know how every thrift store is full of blazers from the 80's and 90's? Well, we bought a lot, probably for like 2 cents each since we're a huge company, did nothing to them, and now we're selling them to you for $48 each even though you can find them everywhere. But, without us, would you be able to figure out how fresh everything suddenly looks when you roll up the sleeves?!


Lastly, we have 17-year-old Jane Aldridge of Sea of Shoes blog, which is basically about her designer shoe and clothing acquisitions, most of which cost upwards of $500 each. As a young, blond/white, thin, designer-touting and incredibly wealthy teen (from "Trophy Club" Texas. 4 realz.) with that hip, DIY fashion blog edge, she is all the fashion world could want to represent them, and has been featured in a zillion magazines and such. Even though she is a teenager, all she ever discusses is going shopping in LA/Tokyo/Paris with her mother and naked avant-garde photos of Japanese models circa 1986. You can watch a video of her here, wherein they're like, "How does she afford these $9oo shoes? She's going to design her own collection!" as if that makes any sense.

Anyway, here is her some if her collection that she "designed" for....Urban Outfitters!


Why, it looks like all the shoes Urban Outfitters already has, which are copies of designer shoes! Dude, I mocked the now-strangely ubiquitous peep toe lace up boot when Factory Girl came out, and as for those studded ones, similar styles can be had, at Forever 21/every store that sells mini dresses to hos. They're just the same chunky, studded, cage-y platforms that are popular right now.

In conclusion, it's certainly interesting to see how fashion bloggers have been affecting fashion, but ultimately the fashion world gets to pick and choose which bloggers are going to be flown to France and design capsule collections, and they sure aren't the ones who don't worship certain designers or are interested in subverting the fucked up norms of the fashion establishment. And in the case of Sea of Shoes, they are the same young ladies who will get cushy internships at Vogue anyway- all they're being given is yet another head start.

Steampunks: Not as Cool as I Might Have Hoped, But Could be Worse, I Guess

So, perhaps a few months ago, I first heard the term "steampunk"- I think on a street style website, used by someone wearing striped tights, and then I started hearing it a lot, and then there was an article about it in The New York Times and Gaby and Simone got invited to a steampunk party even though obviously they were way too cool to go, so I guess it's officially a thing, or whatever. Steampunk seems to encompass an aesthetic sense of clothing, art, music, and, uh, video games and graphic novels all based on a time when steam engines were cutting-edge technology, and machines were made up of lots of winding gears. Clothes-wise, it seems to be some kind of mashup of Victoriana, cyperpunk, goth, and lots of buckles, gears, leather and brown.

At first I was interested in the idea, because I find industrial revolution-era London really fascinating, and have read a million books about cholera epidemics and Victorian prostitutes and Art Nouveau romanticism and whatnot. Also, I obviously have a great appreciation for clothing and aesthetics from that era, and my favorite movie is City of Lost Children, which I guess they take a lot from, style-wise. In fact, maybe I can finally publish my young adult fantasy novel under the guise that it is "steampunk," as it mostly takes place in an underground water city with lots of brass instruments and old machines and whatnot (ohmygod I am so steampunk and I didn't even know!)

But- part of what seems pretty crappy about steampunk is:

1) The computer factor. Seriously, it seems like a large amount of steampunkers are truly goth-leaning gamers who create online video animations of steampunk characters, or play them in those scary multi-player online role playing games/anime related things. Yet this is pretty much the antithesis of Victorian aesthetics, not to mention the antithesis of production in those times, which is supposed to be a large part of steampunk. I'm not saying everyone should start using waterwheels or something, but that, artisically, there is a marked difference between art created on a computer and art created with actual, traditional materials, and if you truly are devoted to this look, you should not be creating anything on a computer, because it automatically looks crappy and modern and digital, and ruins any sense of history, craft, or personal touch.

2) Shitty (and sexist!) graphic novels like League of Extraordinary Gentlemen/everything similar. God, I hate that crap.


3) Gluing gears and stuff to various crap. A large part of steampunk appears to be fake-aging and gluing brass knobs onto your iPhone or whatever to make it look like an antique diving helmut. I know collage and clustering was a large part of Victorian decor, but there's just something so sad about creating a little shell for a modern plastic gadget in order to turn it into an old-looking accessory, espeically when said gadget is just going to fall apart like every other piece of technological junk made in the past ten years. At least just buy real Victorian stuff (which is actully available, you know) and use that for display. Ditto buying a polyester waistcoat at Wet Seal. Part of what makes old stuff so much better is that it truly is of finer quality and higher quality material. Spray painting a plastic neon squirt gun as a means of reclaiming the past? No on that! Antique diving helmuts didn't have brass studs on them because some pimply-faced teen who jerks off to anime porn thought it looked cool with his goggles, but because they actually held stuff together.

4) The prevalance of goggles. With everything. What the fuck is up with goggles and certain subcultures? It looks dumb to randomly wear goggles, okay? Even if they're faux-antique, they're still goggles.

5) Corsets. Again, what is it with nerdy subcultures and their association with corsets? Like moths to a flame. Corsets can be worn done right, but most people just put on just a corset (not something actually done in the past) like it's a tank top or something. I know people think it's a classy way to show off their boobs, but those people are wrong. It's a trashy way to show your boobs, and is so not historically accurate.

6) This "official Steampunk band" Abney Park, which features a bunch of dorks and some half naked girls gyrating to some terrible goth-type music. Unique! Also, not only are the three guys in this band wearing goggles in this photo, but their logo is a skull with goggles on it. Just as i'twas in the golden age!


I suppose if everyone could pull it off as well as the girl above in green who actually is wearing a corset in a unique way (as opposed to the corseted, goggled, top-hatted, Tim Burtonesque example at the top of this post), steampunk would be a little more attractive. But there doesn't seem to be enough thought put into it, and there are just too many gears stuck to stuff for no reason. If you're going to commit yourself to such a dramatic aesthetic, you should put time, energy and thought into what makes it unique and beautiful instead of just hopping on the brass-knob encrusted bandwagon.

Pregnant Celebs and Their In-Demand Spawn

It certainly doesn't take a "trendwatcher" to recognize the current and hot, hot, hot trend of celebrities under 25, like, getting pregnant. Jessica Alba, Katie Holmes, Ashlee (oh Ashlee), Christina Aguilera, Nicole Richie, Lily Allen, and, of course, little Jamie Lynn are all included in this category, and the media's obsession with, and breathless scrutiny of, this subject is seemingly endless. We are subject to the constant examining of every female celebrities' stomach and whether or not there is a visible "baby bump" -possibly the grossest phrase in the English language. (Which is great, because these ladies aren't really examined closely enough to see if they've recently gained or lost weight.)

Magazines pay millions for photos of the newborns because everyone is desperate to see how exactly Joel Madden's DNA will be transferred onto a baby's face, even though babies all look the same (like little blobs, duh.) At the same time, we get glowing reports of pregnancy from the stars, gushing about how it's the most important thing a woman can do and how complete they all feel.

This fascination with motherhood is pretty disturbing for a few reasons. The first is, all these women are really, really young. While it's certainly possible to be good mother at 22, it's not very far into adulthood to make that kind of commitment. However, young female celebrities have always been coded as older than they are, from posing for photoshoots in their underwear at fifteen to being called out as "sluts" when they're less-than-perfect. In Jamie Lynn's case, the media initially pegged her as a slut, but now since she's keeping the baby (wtf) they're back to reporting what a good little mommy she's going to be. As soon as a female is past puberty and in the public eye, she may as well be 35, nevermind the fact that she's a child herself.


What is most disturbing, though, is the simple fact that it is, indeed, a trend. Female stars historically have not gotten pregnant at a young age because they put their careers first; now, being pregant seems to be a calculated career move of its own. It's like a hot new role for them to play, guaranteeing immediate attention and admiration. How many times have we heard that Jennifer Aniston is a cold bitch for not wanting a family and that's why Brad was driven into Angelina's (surprisingly) fertile arms? A lot! For the "bad" celebrity girl (Richie, Aguilera) it makes them appear softer, more wholesome. Now when they pose naked for a magazine cover, it's in a dreamy, Earth mothery pose, surrounded by their little cherubs or proudly displaying their pregnant stomach. For the "good" stars, like Alba, it's cool to be pregnant too because obvs being pregnant is every good girl's dream, just like wearing a white veil on your wedding day and giving up your career to have a child.

It's hard work being pregnant, and harder work raising a kid, but, more than anything, the media seems enchanted with the ethereal and stereotypically feminine concept of motherhood and how great it is, not its possible drawbacks, multiple challenges, and ultimate reality. Raising a child lasts far longer than being pregnant and the pre-toddler years, but to the media, it's just babies, babies, babies! These women (well, some of them) should be famous for their talents or skills or wearing assless chaps in a mud-filled boxing ring, not because they're fulfilling God's master plan.

Lastly, everyone famous names their kids, like, Wheatley or Savannah 3 or Lula Mae or something retarded like that. All these kids are going to grow up to have coke problems and be in lame LA bands anyway, y'all.

Simone Thinks She May Be a Nazi

It took me a while to realize this, but I realized recently that I hate Heidi Klum. I don't really like any of the judges on Project Runway that much, because they all have boring taste and thus tend to praise the safe and trendy, and Michael Kors' khaki-clad, blown-out hairdo-ed jetsetter aesthetic (I actually wrote that description before I found that image, to give you an idea of how completely boring and one-note he is as a designer) has always struck me as repulsive, but at least he and fellow judge Nina Garcia actually do have experience in the fashion industry.

Heidi, on the other hand, has experience stuffing her fake boobs into various overpriced bras and panties and sitting in front of wind machines. Oh, excuse me, she's a "jewelery designer," a title I'm she would have gotten even if she didn't model. But seriously, she doesn't even model actual designer clothes, she models for Sports Illustrated, as well as partaking in the rather hilariously pageant-esque Victoria's Secret runway show.

Anyway, my point is, as a judge, she doesn't display any sort of knowledge about the industry. Her comments are always like, "To me, it looks...cheap, no?" Or, "What is that? It is so ugly, it looks like it came from the basement, yes?" (Sorry to make fun of her as non-native English speaker, but, you know, she deserves it.) She certainly doesn't seem to base her critiques on stuff she knows, just her personal opinion. Which lead her to wear that tie-dyed number, and that elegant white-gloved look above.

What's more, she exhibits little to no creativity in her personal style and is usually seen on the show wearing the latest glittering sack dress in a muted color/black. Her overall appearance, from her beige extensions to her Mystic tan to her fake boobs to her crappy clothes, is just totally bland. And, as a host, I find her boring. I hate that Bravo shows always hire some model to host when someone like Tim Gunn would do a much better job. And on more than one occasion, she has called people fat and reacted with horror to "plus sizes."

PS: Also, who buys a hot pink, ostrich-print Birkin? That purse costs like $3,000 and is supposed to be classic, which is stupid and all, but getting the Malibu Barbie version is just so trashy. Of course, wearing it with a paint-splattered trucker hat or whatever that is finishes the look.

PPS: Classy!

Seal of Approval

I have to say, it's impossible to hate Amy Winehouse. Like, really impossible. Sure, her music is pretty blah and most of the time her 21-inch hips are stuffed into some boring outfit that looks like it came from Aeropostale by way of Crackton, but I tell you I don't care. The way she looks like a homeless B-52 and her hair is five feet high and looks like it is hiding buried treasure and her teeth are fucked up and she has her real nose and her eyeliner looks like a five year old did it and I'm always reading stuff like, "Amy Winehouse reportedly told the BBC to 'piss off'" or "Amy Winehouse left her VMA in the bathroom," well, it's all pretty endearing. I mean, I know supposedly she's a drug addict, but so is everyone else and they never do it with such style, you know?

PS: This title comes from, when, in high school, Naira and I would give the "seal of approval" to people we didn't hate. Not very many people received the seal, so it was a rare honor. Probably like ten people got it or something. And they all should have got tattoos and formed a secret society of people we kind of liked, but not enough to be our real friends.

PPS: Also, Gaby saw Amy Winehouse in an Aldo last summer- class! That's all.

"Owner of a Lonely Heart" is Stuck in my Head

Why, you ask, am I posting these photos of rags on my blog? Why, they are not rags, but part of the new, minimalist fashion line of the Olsen twins, currently being featured at Barney's, and full of deals and steals like $300 t-shirts and whatnot. This is like how Mandy Moore's fashion line, the annoyingly named Mblem, with the even more annoying description of "vintage contemporary tees" (what the hell is vintage about this? vintage means old, you fools) is supposed to feature that perfect $85 t-shirt you could never find. I don't know what kind of rich people are bemoaning the fact that they can never find a good t-shirt when there is practically no design involved in making them and there are ten million available for $7, but whatever. I guess they are the same sort of people who think American Apparel really makes a well-priced product that just can't be found anywhere else.

Anyway, it's all very fascinating,- I really love that long gray tank dress old MK is showing us in the last picture. It looks very flattering, unique, and well-designed. Apparently "The Row" has sold really well, probably to the same public that buys Britney's perfume and The Jaime collection by Jaime Pressley. I'm really sure that all these "designers" are constantly hard at work on their "designs."

Also, I just spent like twenty minutes trying to find this one photo of Fergie's line for Kipling (remember those hideous nylon bags with the monkey hanging off them that were really expensive and I dreamed of owning in seventh grade?) that I saw in an old People magazine and stared at for like five minutes in order to make a reference to Paris Is Burning in relation to them, but of course I couldn't find the right one, so the pic at the end of this post will have to do, even though it doesn't look nearly as Paris Is Burning as the other one.

But, I admit, I don't really hate the Olsens. I hate aspects of the Olsens, many aspects I guess, but I guess what I appreciate about them (mostly Mary Kate) is that they sometimes look completely psychotic in the name of fashion, and, in their own troll-like way, seem very devoted to it in a way that other self-proclaimed fashion-loving starlets (Lindsay Lohan, for instance) don't. They don't just wear the latest trends their stylist put them in, and sometimes they look crazy, and not just because of their blank and hungry eyes.

As a visual aid, I've added this photo of Mary Kate super Stevie Nicks-ed out at the supermarket, or the one above where she is wearing the fur jacket. She kind of looks like a crazy old lady in these pictures, or a fashionable gremlin. I also really felt jealous of this beautiful vintage lace dress Ashley wore to the premiere of the classic film Troy. I mean, technically I'm against all they stand for, but I'd rather look at photos of the Olsens clothes than of most famous people.

I Am Sick of Looking at This Bitch

Welcome to my newest feature, "I Am Sick of Looking at This Bitch." I may have to edit my Shia LaBoef and Dita Von Teese posts to include these words, as they too fit well within the category.

Anyway, today I am featuring Lauren "LC" Conrad, former star of Laguna Beach and current star of The Hills. People are always talking about this show, asking, "Is it fake? I have a friend who works in LA and he says he saw them reshoot a scene? Do you think it is real?" etc. I will tell you right now, the stupid show is hella fake, much like the highly nauseating train wreck Rock of Love, all those shows like The Bachelor and Do You Want to Marry the Rich Hunchback that used to be popular during the reality craze of '02, and even Top Model, to an extent.

Anyway, I really think it's time old LC, like her doppelganger Blandy McBlanderson --whom she somehow eclipsed in fame even though they are the same person-- to finish up with her fifteen minutes, her cushy "internship" at Teen Vogue (which SUCKS, by the way, and doesn't even hold a candle to the late ElleGirl) and get off the various media sources she is constantly on, showing off her boring face, attire, and weave. She is one of those girls who are always saying things like "I live for fashion!" which to them means going out and buying the latest Juicy suit or fugly it bag and pairing everything with leggings. Away with you, LC! We are at least ready for some other Mystic-tanned twenty year old who looks forty to step into the spotlight and take away your fame. Hopefully one with some sort of stunning drug problem, for we love that sort of thing nowadays.

:(

When I saw this picture of Lily Allen, I thought, "Another one bites the dust." (That is corny, but I did think it.) I know there are plenty of blogs discussing weight in Hollywood, but whatever. It's depressing. I mean, I never really liked Lily Allen or anything, but I was like, "At least she has unique personal style and is mouthy and writes her own music and has a normal body," which is far more than we can say for most female musicians.

Anyway, even though she was often quoted as saying she had issues about her body since becoming famous, and saying alternately that she liked herself the way she was and didn't care about fascist beauty standards and all, now that she is significantly thinner she's all, "I did it for me! I never felt pressured! Now I'm healthy." Apparently she also wants to become an actress so we'll see if a blonde weave and spray tan are also on their way too.

So, without fail, anyone who does not fall within a particular standard gets made fun of and loses a bunch of weight, and then In Touch is like, "But now she's too thin!" and then maybe they gain a little back and In Touch is like, "Hollywood Upstairs Medical College, who does not treat her, says Kelly Clarkson is too fat again, and 'a friend' estimates she eats fifteen cheeseburgers for breakfast" and it's all a vicious cycle!

When model Sophie Dahl became famous (as well as semi-embraced by the fashion industry), it was a real breath of fresh air. She probably gets more work now.

Hillary Duff during her overly made-up, Peaches Christ stage looked a lot healthier than during her lank, Rachael Zoe/Urban Outfitters, skeletor phase.

I'm not sure why, but I find Angelina Jolie, really, really boring. The only time I've found her attractive was when she had that weird bowl cut/an amazing "cyber" wardrobe in Hackers, and maybe (also pre-nose job) in Foxfire because it is about a girl gang and all, but the point is that she seems to have lost a bit of something besides like fifty pounds.

Okay, I know nobody cares about Laura Prepon from That 70's Show but she used to be really pretty and unique looking! I can't believe even red hair is too crazy for Hollywood!

Alright, no explanation needed for this one.

When Ashlee became popular and had that show on MTV, for some reason Simone and I became obsessed with her. We used to sing her terrible single "Pieces of Me" all the time and her show was totally amazing. Her whole thing was that she was different and rebellious and she did "crazy" things like dye her hair black and get a cartilage piercing and then of course she got a nose job and lost hella weight and it was the only the veneer that was keeping things interesting and you're like, "Who are her fans now?"

Liv Tyler has been looking a lot less statuesque lately.

And then of course Lindsay Lohan, who also used to be pretty curvaceous and had red hair and now pretty much looks like everyone else. Simone and I also used to love Lindsay, though her album Speak was no Autobiography by Ashlee, but still, she seemed kind of likable during Mean Girls but it's all over now!

Anyway, I don't think any of these people were particularly fascinating as performers, artists, or human beings, but the fact that it's pretty much impossible for anyone to stay marginally unique or different looking in Hollywood just isn't sending a very good message to both little girls everywhere and about our society as a whole. There's just so little variety in fame, and it does seem like we're moving farther and farther culturally from a time when Katherine Hepburn was a big star or Patti Smith got a major-label recording contract or whatever. I mean, I know Hannah Montana has fucked-up teeth but somehow I don't think that's enough.

How Not to Wear High-Waisted Jeans

For awhile, I have kind of wanted a high-waisted pair of jeans, to wear in a 1970s /Dazed and Confused kind of way (For some reason I've been really into the 70's lately.) However, I'm not really sure if I could pull them off, or if having hips will make them look awful and awkward, or whatevs. I do know they would have to be a dark wash with a slightly wide flared leg to balance them out. I also have vague plans to try on a pair as a blog experiment and take a picture in the mirror of a dressing room.

Well, Rhianna is wearing a pair of high-waisted pair of jeans on the always relevant TRL to the left, and man are they fugly. Why not just get a pair of acid washed Levis from 1991 then buy these probably $250 ones? So unflattering, and I can only imagine the back view. Plus that weirdo tube top/beanie hat combination looks really awkward. This is one of those outfits where some retarded stylist probably dressed her up and Rhianna was just like, "Okay!" because let's be honest, what does Rhianna ever do but follow orders? It's not like she writes her own music or anything. And that boxy, double-breasted dress-thing that the veejay (are they still called that?) is wearing's no picnic, either.

Gawd I Wish I Was at This Party

This photo is from the after party of Jeremy Scott, the "designer." Apparently, being on the cutting edge as he is, he has discovered, perhaps for the first time, that you can wear those Palestinian scarves in a hipstery fashion. He looks like a gay 80's pirate, but not in a good way. Kanye is blazing some trails with his Wayfarers and Members Only-esque jacket. Hip! What I love about Kanye is that he has all the obnoxiousness and novelty factor of the hipster set, with the the typical overblown misogyny of mainstream hip hop.

Flanking them like are muse/icon Cory Kennedy and muse/icon Agyness Deyn. Of course, they do nothing except look waifish and wear neon stretch pants. When I first saw the below picture of Cory (back from rehab, I see!) I was like, "i can't believe she's wearing that ugly 80's top! It's so ugly!" But then I realized it was probably something Jeremy Scott "designed." As for Agyness, well, dying her hair back from bleach-blonde isn't doing her any favors. When people in 1986 imagined what teenage boys from the future would wear, I bet it was a little something like this ensemble.

Alright, here's another picture. It's pretty amazing. At first I thought MK was wearing a crown of thorns and then I realized it was just your run-of-the-mill peacock feather headband. But doesn't she seriously look like Jesus?

He Was in "Transformers", Guys!

I'm getting a little tired of hearing about how attractive this Shia LaBoef character is. I mean, I liked him when he was on that Disney show "Even Stevens" but that was a long time ago, and I'm sure I liked it in a semi-Pez way as I was in high school when I used to watch it and that show was for kids.

The point is, whether he is dating Rhianna or not, I am sick of hearing about supposedly "edgy" young male actors of average looks and middling talent being swooned over, at a time when young female actresses don't even seem to make movies so much as have long blonde extensions and lose twenty pounds every few weeks.

The Saggy Linen Shortall

Both Mischa Barton and Lindsay Lohan are embracing this overall shorts trend, this time in floppy linen fabric that creases when you sit down and has all the charm of a burlap sack. I see Mischa has chosen the demure ballet flat for that ever-so-kittenish Audrey Hepburn look, who was of course known to wear many a onesie, but Lindsay is sexing it up with some trashy wedges and a tank top. Either way, the look just screams "floppy."

I Liked It: The "Magic" Edition

Simone pointed out this look to me, after it was it was criticized on both on Go Fug Yourself and eonline's significantly less bitchy but still sometimes funny Fashion Police (it's somewhere in there, anyway) for being you know, sort of insane. Well, it is an insane look, but what's so awful about that? It really does look as if someone has taken a wand to it, and it's exploded in some sort of glittering, feathery frenzy. If witches really did go to balls, I'd like to think they'd wear something like this instead of the much fruitier pink one she wore in the movie. I also think this look of hers is sort of charming in a 1920's, "dancing around the Maypole" type of way, and I think it's nice how Emma Watson takes fashion risks and doesn't just wear the same sack-like tunic everyday like her peers. Also, I'm excited for book #7 and the movie even though they'll probably be sort of disappointing/I'll have lots of complaints about Hermione's character falling into a stereotypical feminine storyline!

Slamming It To the Left/Having a Good Time

People are always criticizing Victoria Beckham's outfits. Yes, she's wearing a cropped jacket, leotard, sheer hose, platforms and motorcycle gloves. Sure, her boobs are in danger of colliding with her rather fearsome-looking clavicle. So what? The woman poses like so many drag queens could only dream of. She and her asymmetrical hair are really taking it to the hoop, and I, for one, would much rather look at pictures of her than any other horribly emaciated starlet out there. Unlike Ginger, or Scary, or Baby (though who knows what happened to Baby?), Posh is still holding true to the Spice Girls aesthetic, lifestyle and dream. Girl power indeed!

"Frankie Says Relax" Redux

I will tell you one thing, my friends: I have had just about enough of these fugly "House of Holland" t-shirts that seem to be all over every fashion blog in the world, the pages of teen/regular Vogue magazine, and, perhaps most notably, waif du jour Agynes Deyn (if you're in the know, like the people who wear these clever tees, you would refer to her as "Agy." Not me, though. I won't pretend I can pronounce her name, which apparently is really Jessica something anyway.)

I started seeing these about a couple months ago, and naturally, I ignored them. Emblazoned with witty slogans and "shout outs" to fashion world people only .000001% of the population has probably even heard about, they feature nu rave-esque neon, plus all the glamour of a beefy tee. However, they still have not gone away. Call me snotty, but I think it should take more than ripping off a Frankie Says Relax t-shirt from the 80's to set the fashion world on fire. And I'm pretty sure I wore something like this to summer camp with pleated shorts in the early 90's, and the idea of revisiting all that really kind of freaks me out.

The Devil Wears too Much Sequins and Beige

I guess Anna Wintour has stuck with that bob in hopes of crafting a timeless, Diana Vreeland-like iconic look, but it has always looked more to me as if she just loves the wigs. Which seems to go along with her overall look of clothing wearing her instead of the other way around- she takes risks, but she tends to look more nuts/over accessorized than she does glamorous and creative. It's like everyone's afraid to criticize her, but is she really ever going to be cited as a style icon? I don't think so.

Maybe she should have gone with a nice Zum Zum-esque prom dress like her daughter.

Way to Fail

I really love the premise of the Met Costume Institute Ball- I firmly support over-the-top dressing and events that encourage it, but I guess if you're Mischa Barton dressing "over-the-top" is wearing a boring gown that looks like a towel and flattens your boobs into oblivion and doesn't come up far enough anyway. I can't remember who is next to her (some designer?) but he looks like an unsavory character in a John Hughes movie (and what are those- Mardi Gras beads?) This pair is lacking in so much fierceness I feel sorry for them.

Please Fade Into Oblivion

I remember when Avril Lavigne came out, and I hated her and all for being a hollow tool of the media and a pathetic stand-in for a non-Britney-esque female pop star, but then I was like, "At least her non-sexed up image and seemingly rebellious attitude presents a slightly better role model for young girls, even if it's not authentic." She was always saying she'd never show her boobs and use that to sell stuff and I guess I believed that for some reason.

But here's the final nail in the coffin; clearly she has nothing to offer anymore, and I have to say, yeah, I'm a little disappointed, even though obviously her "career" was heading in this direction from day one. Plus- let's not pretend her ribs weren't airbrushed out of this photo.

Also,who reads "music" magazines such as Blender or Rolling Stone or even pseud0-indie ones like Mojo? They must have no souls.

30 Seconds to Douchedom

This is that band Panic at the Disco. I think they have an exclamation point in their name, but that's not going to happen. Anyway, the one on the far right looks like a sixty-year old Jewish woman. His gaze is really hypnotizing. The one in the deep v neck just looks like your average, American Apparel-wearing hipster tool. The other two, whatever. The one in the Kitson hoodie looks a little light in the loafers to be a teen idol, but who knows what kids these days are into? They look like they grew up in Malibu and got sculpted haircuts a year ago and heard a Strokes song or something and decided to form a band. The Bay City Rollers could probably beat these guys up. And would anything be more satisfying than that actually happening?