Just Say No (To Pants)

The Olsens look like they're dressing up in their mother's clothes, and their mother is a dominatrix from 1996. First, let's start with Mary Kate, my fave Olsen. She is wearing a long, boxy, 1996 blazer. Underneath, something flowy and scarf-like that is dangling out beneath it. En pointe, she has done away with pants, which we all know is chic, chic, chic for the MK set these days.

One trend I really hate is the Lucky Magazine-driven, "If you're wearing something flowy, put something boxy, like a shoulder-padded blazer or leather jacket on top. It'll toughen it up!" You don't need to put something "opposite" in top of something else to make it work! It's called a "mismatch," and it looks dumb. Have the confidence to embrace an entire look.

MK has added a pair of boots that also look kinda '96 to me, what with the square toe, and these boots are scrunching all over her teeny calves. Seriously, if you didn't know who she was, but saw this photo, would you not think she was somebody's kid? Also, are oversized blazers really going to come back because I would have to be held at gunpoint to get into one of those. I will say it right now to both the Olsens: They're no good on short people. Actually, they're no good period, but short people can't even pull it off in a nod to 80's power suit-dressing kind of way (which we all know was really a nod to 1940's Katherine Hepburn power suit dressing.)

And then Ashley, who lately has been going for some kind of severe, minimalist chic thing (whoa, way to button only one button!), and is wearing a corset, leather leggings (godamnit if I see one pair of shiny/metallic/leather/pleather leggings...) and pointy toe shoes. All very vixenish, except she has it all covered up with some large flowy cardigan (speaking of which, if I see one more oversized cardigan...) and, it's just so bland. No one ever wants to have fun with campy seperates! What's the point of dressing like a skank if you can't even enjoy it?

Here they are with models wearing their "fashion line," The Row, which I saw at Barney's this summer. (Though, supposedly, Ashley has asked Mary Kate to leave the company because she doesn't do anying.) Bleh. The models, despite being really tall, look dumpy in these looks too. MK, on the other hand, now looks like a tiny seventy-year old who's had one facelift too many. She's very versatile.

Some assorted looks: A tweed mini and ankle boots with a puff sleeves blouse? Another oversized blazer with skinny black pants? A flowy kimono thing? I prefer the Olsens who wore long capes and lots of bracelets and teetered around on really high platforms and looked crazy. (Check out my Olsens tag for more on that.) There's nothing worth than an attempt at minimal, tasteful chic, especially in an era where you can dress like a total uncreative slob in one neutral, semi-long shirt, put on some high heels, and call it a minimal, tasteful day.