Tom Ford= Douche

Tom Ford, former head designer of Gucci, is seen here posing for Out magazine. I personally was never a big fan of his work, which was characterized by minimalism, lots of black (as well as extreme overuse of the plunging v-neck), obscene advertisements, and various "sexy" looks. See, what is so neat about Tom Ford is that he is gay but he loves to objectify women just like straight men do (and I guess all the other gays in the fashion industry as well, but Tom Ford is especially known for it.) You may remember him from the repulsive Vanity Fair cover he orchestrated, showing him fully clothed (Dude, it's okay because he's gay!) fondling two naked actresses young enough to be his daughters. (Props to Rachael McAdams, who actually bowed out of this shoot when she saw what it was all about.) I fucking hate Vanity Fair and its misogynistic editor in chief, Graydon Carter, and this sort of crap is pretty typical of them, and every time I look at that magazine I feel like writing an indignant letter of some sort.

Anyway, everyone loves Tom Ford because he's so hot and masculine and grabs his crotch and objectifies women, even though he has been balding the same amount for like ten years so he clearly has hair plugs. Below is a quote he said in the same Out spread.

What the fuck? He understands women because as a gay man he understands what it's like to be pursued- ie, be passive, or in his words, "an object?" I can't believe people can just say stuff like this in a supposedly "progressive" magazine, and just have it pass. Of course, Tom has the best of both worlds, because, as a gay man, he also gets to be "the aggressor." How nice for him! He manages to straddle the line between stereotypical maculinity and stereotypical feminity so very well! He probably relates to women because sometimes he feels weak, but to straight men because he sometimes feels strong, too!

PS: Trademark stubble? So lame.

PPS: Ohmygod, I hate Tom Ford so much more just after a basic google image search: here, here and here are some good examples. I can't believe he literally walks around with his shirt unbottoned like this! He also refuses to smile and looks like Jeremy Piven. The end.

I'd Rather Die Than Wear This In Public, Round 9

Here's a trend that simply will not die: bedazzled 80's t-shirts with tigers or whatever on them (Conversely, there are also those ones from the Nature Company with wolves or what have you on the front. I have a lot more of these photos saved on my computer, because they are just sooo popular with the hipsters.) This aqua number is particularly offensive. I mean, I guess it is- I was going to say that it looks like what an old Jewish woman would wear with some elastic waist poly knit pants and a lot of gold costume jewelery to see Siegfried and Roy in Early 90's Las Vegas, but I don't want to encourage anyone.

And Then I Would Punch Them.

Welcome to "And Then I Would Punch Them," a semi-regular series in which Mary's best friend, aka Simone, spews forth about all that is terrible and ugly in the world of fashion and fashion accessories. Let us begin.

Living in New York City, by simply walking down the street I can easily accrue quite a list of people who deserve to be punched in the face. It's a veritable cornucopia of cat-calling assholes, douchebags who cut in front of you in line, and people who bump you on the subway and don't say "excuse me." But what really makes my blood boil is the horrid fugliness that surrounds me on a daily basis. Excuse me? People? It's not like we live in rural Arkansas and the only clothing available is made of burlap sacks, you know what I mean? Anyway, the propensity of people who live in a town where you can get, literally, anything you want, to dress so... derelicte... is a major pet peeve of mine.

But what really pissed me off today was not something I saw out in the street, or hanging off a mannequin in Anthropologie. It was this necklace:


GODDAMNIT. What THE FUCK, man?!!! There's just something about this I find soooooo incredibly, breathtakingly annoying... Like, it's The Hipster Necklace to End All Hipster Necklaces, like all it needs is it's own half-sized pair of stretch pants and half-sized pair of ballet flats or ugly 80s high top sneakers (in gold) dangling next to it betwixt yon bosom. I mean, REALLY? A small pair of ray-bans? Flattened, made of metal? Hanging around your neck? I mean, if you're going to hang glasses around your neck (like my mom), they should at least serve some practical purpose (Like, uh, MAKING IT SO YOU CAN SEE THINGS) other than, I dunno, letting everyone know that "I see beautiful things beckerman spectacles." (Yes, that's seriously engraved on them). But anyway, if I saw someone wearing these $95 atrocities, I would tell them that I see ugly things, and then I would punch them.