What is the point of wearing a floppy, depressing zebra print jumpsuit? A zebra print jumpsuit should be worn with a classic rock -like panache, not as another boring sack. In fact, that's the problem with all these jumpsuits! Like their flirtier cousins, the onesie, jumpsuits should only be worn by those who understand their inherent tackiness. PS: Nice bowler hat!Here are some ways to wear an animal print jumpsuit, from Heavy Metal Parking Lot, which you should probably watch right now if you haven't seen it:
Onto some horrendous floral jumpsuits for suburban moms from 1993. Seriously, I had a third grade teacher who told me her favorite show was Home Improvement (which horrified me even at the time) who my called a "fruit." This is what she wore. Also, I have a soft spot for Doc Martens and all, but maybe it's time to give them a rest, particularly in this context.
The next two fall under the category of, "Is everyone blind?" A beige leather (or is it more of a puce?) t-shirt with peach colored spandex leggings with yet another pair of open-toe booties? Why do these thing go together? She looks like a band-aid.
Here's another really bad 90's thing that I guess is coming back: long floral skirts with no shape and ugly patterns. If she was wearing a white t-shirt with this skirt, whatever. But a black mesh dominatrix-y top? And a big Palestinian scarf? And a straw 90's mom purse? How or why would these things go together? 
Lastly, The Face Hunter says, "'This is the piece 'In an Absolut world , you can ask for anything' that I created for the Visions exhibition in Munich.' Um what, this is the piece? You mean this topless girl holding up a piece of binder paper over her boobs? You don't need an "absolut" world to make this happen, dude. Lots of women take their clothes off to make money to buy clothing, among other things. And judging from the way most of the people on Face Hunter look, you can pretty much dive into any pile of discarded crap and come out with a worthy outfit. You know, as long as you look like this in the first place.
I saw that picture of the mom in the jumpsuit on another blog, and I just couldn't believe this particular blogger LIKED it. In fact, she liked it so much she went out and bought herself a nearly identical one. WTF? I feel like that particular picture is a really solid example of how you can get away with so much more in fashion if you're skinny- if she was even slightly overweight, would anyone think she looked even moderately stylish? For some reason, because it's hanging off her like a sack it's fashionable. Ergh.
ReplyDeletewith most of this stuff, it's not until you get close enough to see the face of the person that you realize it's not a middle aged tourist/bag lady/out of touch foreign tourist. the fact that it's a thin young person wearing it is what makes it legit!
ReplyDeletesort of dying here...just discovered your blog and um, you are hilarious! it's actually refreshing to see someone not being all sweet and nice on their blog and calling out some of the horrid fashion trends going around. thank you for doing this, as a fellow lover of 1930s dresses, i applaud and thank you!
ReplyDeletelauren
www.deargolden.com
I sort of dig the girl who is probably dressed for "mismatch day" at at her school. If only because she probably (hopefully?) knows the outfit's great worth as ugliness and disgracefulness. It's not quite as bad as wearing something like a floral sack and thinking, "I look so fucking cool right now." Some people dress horribly deliberately to be offensive. That's cool with me.
ReplyDeleteAlso, if people wear sacks, I'm going to have to insist that burlap is used instead of wasting fabric that could be used for other things.
I think this is perfect because that's an amazing style actually wearing like a zebra is so fashion I want my girlfriend wearing like that.
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