More Signs of the Oncoming Apocalypse

The image of this hipstered out eight year old came from yet another fashion blog. Apparently everyone thinks dressing your kid like the guy from Fall Out Boy is ultra-charming. Well, I don't think so. I think it's gross. Your kid is not an accessory. Your kid will not appreciate when goes through puberty and looks back on pictures of himself dressed ironically with overly styled neo-British invasion hair and tapered jeans. Plus the Palestinian scarf! What the fuck? Do you think this kid understands the situation in Palestine or something?

What do you think he's listening to on his iPod? (Um, aren't those like $300 or something?) Lightning Bolt? That "!!!"band? Some nu rave? What's really horrifying is to think of what his parents look like. They're probably so trended out of their minds they're writhing on the sidewalk in acid-wash somewhere, choking on their own leggings.

More Drains on Society

This post is about two things I previously tried to avoid, but, when talking about trends, have proved to be sadly inevitable: Cory Kennedy and overalls. Here's Cory Kennedy, LA scenester/internet/twelve year old/celebrity, posing with some other be-overalled ingenue type on a typically lovely Los Angeles street. Cory Kennedy has come to epitomize the "It's so ugly it's cool" look popularized by hipsters, subscribers to Vice magazine, MisShapes attendees, yet still regularly worn by streetwalkers, old people, and Midwestern housewives who just have bad taste and are wearing out-of-date and unflattering clothing- of course, it only depends on whose wearing it, because part of the look is to be making fun of it and pointing out how cool and better you are than the homeless person over there who is wearing the same thing- but anyway!

The point is, Cory Kennedy is wearing a white onesie, accessorized with a belt, a ringer tee, and some long gold chains. I needn't say more.

Worst of the Worst

The photo to the right is of a "clothing" "designer" named "Carrie Mundane" (Hey, guess what? You're only allowed to name yourself something like that if you're in X, okay?), "designer" of a line unfortunately (but appropriately) titled Cassette Playa. That's right- cassettes! Remember the early 90's when we totally listened to tapes all the time and then remember the 2000's where, like, we draw pictures of them with hearts on them, and like, referenced them all the time because it's soooo cool? And "playa" is a nod to the "hood", which is ALSO really fun to embrace ironically, especially if you are some privileged white rich kid who clearly has connections to famous people and that's why we keep hearing about your ugly clothes?

First of all, the website, if you haven't gone to it yet, is purposely designed to look crappy, but with lots of neon and graphics that are supposed to make us nostalgic for 1992. Her clothing line, which really celebrates the coked-out hipster in all of us, also is supposed to make us nostalgic for 1992, and is full of looks like this one. (Yes, that's something someone, after being seduced by the too cool for school wacky backgrounds and mullet wigs- mullet wigs, people!- has paid money for.)

What is wrong with people in their early twenties? How about, instead of dressing like the early 90's threw up all over you, in the most faddish, trendy, hideously ugly way possible, how about, I don't know, coming up with something new? How about appreciating something for being genuinely attractive and aesthetically pleasing instead of just how ironically cool it is? How about not being a massive tool wearing pleated turquoise Bermuda shorts? How about it?

That Whole Played-Out MisShapes Thing

Could this guy look any more like a douche? He is on some "street style" website, I don't know which one. Maybe he is French, or Czech, or something. Who cares. I just can't believe people who dress like this are still being photographed as if they have something to offer us, and people are still like, "Wow, I can't believe he dared to wear an early 90's Mickey Mouse sweatshirt with nerd glasses! Could he be more cutting edge?"

This whole ironic 80's gold jewelery/ironic Disney clothing/bandanna/Goodwill glasses was always obnoxious. Dressing purposely ugly and out-of-date as some sort of postmodern joke has been perhaps the worst sartorial trend of this young century, and just goes to show what shallow aesthetics us young people have today. It's like we can't even tell what we like and what we like "ironically" any more. But what makes it even worse is that is the 358,9456th guy to dress like this, and he's still being plastered all over the internet like it's some kind of revelation. This guy is my enemy.