A Study In Originality

Ohmygod, if I see one more pair of Wayfarer-inspired sunglasses I am totally going to puke. I really have nothing against this style, but after having to look at the nine billionth person wearing them, they have gotten really annoying. I mean, the Wayfarer has always been a classic shape, and it's not any better looking than it was two years ago, but people are latching onto them now like they have never before been available. And FIY honey, they're pinching your nose, so they don't fit.

Secondly, don't wear a blousy linen tank top as a dress and belt it with a star and moon themed belt. Also, don't add a really tailored blue leather bag that is meant to go with less casual and summery outfits. Thirdly, don't be such a trendy douche.

Ugly UO Outfit of the Day Taken From Actual Store

This outfit was attacking a mannequin at Urban Outfitters, and while I found plenty of fug in that store, I have to say this ensemble really takes the cake.

We have: a large scarf, a million necklaces, a beige tube top (ewwww....who wears those except Posh Spice circa 1997? Clearly it was just placed there to minimize the "skin" revealed by that gaping tank top), a turquoise and gold foil happy face t-shirt cut into a blousy tank top, A FANNY PACK hanging off her side like some kind of horrible tumor, and an overdyed purple acid washed denim mini with a cut-off hem. Overall, it makes the mannequin look bloated and big around the middle, as well as very hideously dressed.

It's not even a cute fanny pack. I mean, maybe if it was a cute print or something, I could KIND OF overlook it, but it's clearly the same fanny pack that ugly people wore to visit Six Flags in 1987.

Hel Looks: Sofia

To the untrained eye, Sofia's blouse may look like a bunch of third graders embellished a silk Goodwill shirt, but all non-peasants would recognize it as the "most exclusive gift" Sofia has ever received. I mean- duh! You can't find lace trim and primary-colored balls just anywhere!

Anyway, the top is hideous on its own, but then your eyes are drawn to the random belting going on, in the form of a huge elastic red waist belt that takes up half her midsection. (Supposedly, the belt over the blouse look is on its way out, but it's obviously not dead yet.) And in case all that wasn't enough, there's always a pair of shiny blue legging-looking pants to cuff above your socks and pumps combo. And why not top it off with a swingy leather purse? Those aren't really ugly/just old enough for hipsters to start wearing ironically again or anything.

In her interview, Sofia says she likes "simple clothes." I guess by "simple" she means "like what everybody wears, but more shiny and clown-like."

Ugly UO Item of the Day: The Ethnic Fanny Pack

I know I do too many Urban Outfitters posts, but come on! Look at this suede fringed pouch belt, called the Native American Belt Bag! What kind of a huge tool is going to wear this? I know it's supposed to be worn in that Joanna Newsom/boho/Kate Moss/neo-hippie type of way, but neither of them would be foolish enough to strap this onto themselves. Sure it was obnoxious when actual, 1960's hippies appropriated that they considered native, but what is our modern teen going to do with this? I'll tell you: store their Devendra Banhart-filled Ipod in there, with other tools of the man.

Attack of the Belt, Vest, Tunic, Leggings, and Jewelery

Trendy clothing items are, ideally, meant to be worn in moderation. If you're wearing a babydoll tent dress, maybe lay off the leggings and slouch boots. Wearing several trends at once is generally an indicator that you have no style of your own, and are just haphazardly putting together stuff you saw someone else wear.

The girl to the left looks like such a person. We have an owl necklace, a jewelery trend that somehow surged to popularity despite their extreme ugliness (Hey, I love owls too. It doesn't mean I want a four inch gold one hanging off my neck.) There is also, perhaps most unfortunately, a denim vest involved. The striped tunic/mini dress and tights/leggings is a potentially cute look, but again is ultra-trendy and usually fails. And the piece de resistance is the totally out of place brown leather woven belt hanging off her hips. Why is that there? It doesn't even match.

For awhile, people were like, "You can only pull off this [trend-focused, layered] look if you're Sienna Miller." But now, finally, after the underwear-over-tights incident, people are finally realizing she's a fraud. In fact, nobody can pull of this look, and nobody should try.

An Important PSA: Skirt is Not a Dress

Skirts and dresses: one might think they would be completely non-interchangable as garments. After all, you don't see people walking around with their arms stuffed through the legs of shorts, or wearing socks stretched over their heads. But, somehow in the past two years or so, people started hitching up skirts over their boobs, and, at times, belting them for "definition." (Random belting is a dire problem itself that will be attended to in time.)

The problem therein, is that dresses are made to fit breasts, hips, and waists, and the a-line skirts people are forcing into dresses are just made to fit waists, and usually just flow over one's hips. Therefore, making them into so-called "dresses" creates a triangular or lampshade-like appearance. (As seen at bottom right)


Adding a belt, as shown in the photo at left, just makes the areas not constricted by the belt pouf out. In case you've been wondering, it doesn't hide the fact that you're wearing a skirt and not a dress. It simply highlights the fact that you've added a belt to the skirt you're wearing under your armpits for some reason.

And if you're wondering just what to do with that long, patterned a-line skirt, here's some advice: throw it away. Those types of skirts are ugly to begin with.