Gallery of Ugliness

I know I said I was going to write a post about my room and the fire and all- and I will- but right now I’ve just decided to post some real ugly stuff I’ve seen on the internet.

First of all, there’s this top by Joie, which is a very ugly brand that I guess people in LA wear or something- it’s like the kind of designer stuff that would feature such things as a satin cargo pant. This top is really foul- it really looks like she’s pulled a sheer skirt up past her boobs. Also, the model has the appearance of a baby bird and it’s interesting to me that the look on her face and her overall pale, bony appearance is supposed to sell this horror show of an outfit, but I guess it is.

PS: When I was little, we called this hairstyle, with the top pulled back but not all of it, a "chicken tail." That's what you would tell your mom you wanted. You could also get pig or pony in terms of tails.

Next we have this turquoise dress, which truly is satin with cargo pockets. I remember when cargo pants got really popular, and I longed for a huge pair in army green. Then I got some from Old Navy, and as far as I remember they were unflattering to the point that even I felt gross wearing them. They didn’t have butt pockets, and I felt that made them somewhat inadequate.

Anyway, cargo pants are one of those things like cheongsams/”Asian” style clothing that we are told is hot every few years. Lucky magazine is always trying to get people to wear slouchy rayon cargoes and whatnot. The cargo pockets on this particular piece look really wrinkly and saggy, and the dress, well, it certainly has a lot of pizazz.

Then there’s this have a poly/microfiber mini skirt from American Apparel. You may or may not know what that is, but trust me, you don’t want to wear it. This kind of looks like it was made out of a tent. Does anyone remember how when they went camping in the 80’s with their parents and all the gear was bright orange and this color brown and your dad still wore tight jeans because the 70’s weren’t that far away? Most people’s dads also still call all jeans “Levi’s” or “blue jeans.” I’m sure now all camping stuff is fleece or that bright yellow they make underwater cameras and it’s all totally lost its charm.

If someone fashioned this skirt out of a tent from 1985, I’d be pretty impressed, but since it was actually made in the here and now, well, it’s hideously ugly. You don’t show off an elastic waist like that, and the bubbly shape and putrid color is sure to be unflattering.

Lastly, we have a look from the runway of Henry Holland, the genius responsible for those Frankie Says Relax rip-off shirts that everyone was into for ten seconds (except me.) Oh man, I cannot believe this guy has access to an actual runway and models and materials and money! Look at this sweater! It’s like he thought, “Well, those shirts were popular in a loud, late 80’s, extremely derivative way, how about doing that same thing with knitwear?” And the purple plaid pants and lace-up shoes! This is such a Baby Sitter’s Club outfit it’s unbelievable. Also, the model looks like she slept on a park bench last night.