Gallery Of Looks I Hate

I guess it's unfair that I am judging people by how they are dressed, but I think it's kind of fair when it's people who spend so much money on their look, right? It's not like you can get that Google t-shirt for free.

Here's a tip: Cosby sweaters and trucker hats: they never go out of style.

Horrifying and Horrible Things I have Found on eBay Lately

This went for like $160! Huge blazers are getting their sleeves scrunched up these days, in order to distract you from the fact that you are wearing a huge blazer.

This dress was identified as being by the designer Kathi Lee. God, I wish I could go back in time to a Wal-Mart in 1996 and get these fresh off the racks!

Now it's not just shapeless short floral 90's dresses, but the long Mormon-y ones have also hit the scene. If you don't believe me, look at this photo of fashion icon Lindsay Lohan:

Also, this jumpsuit photo is worth posting:

The shape of this makes for an unsettling look.

Oh god, it's rayon floral shorts attached to a denim top! And it has two bids.

Isn't this darling? I'm also predicting these denim and chambray pieces embroidered with Winnie the Pooh and friends but made for adult women are what simply everyone will be wearing by fall. One needs only add strappy platform bondage heels and a bowler hat. In the parlance of fashion blogs, I am totally "coveting" and "obsessing" over these!

Dressing Up

The pages of fashion magazines are constantly urging us to mix high with low, old with new, casual with dressy, because, while once fashion was about wearing things that went and looked good together, it is now and seemingly always will be about everything going all the time. It's a free for all, it is meaningless, and it's why Alexa Chung is considered fashionable.

First she is wearing a wool jacket, tights, biker shorts or something, and a straw bag. Hey, straw and wool don't go together. One is summer, the other winter. They look awkward, right? But, no, they are quirky, it turns out. Especially if Karl gave you the bag. Or maybe you are just hanging out, wearing the worst, boxiest cut-off overall 90's dress ever, should you pair black patent low-heeled pumps with it?

First of all, the constant refrain of high/low is stupid, because no one has much high to begin with. There was an article awhile back from Bazarre that introduced the chic/totally recession-proof idea of cost per wear, noting that all the designer-clad young ladies were doing it- wearing things more than once! One lady bought a $6,000 gold bolero but she makes it work because she wears it with jeans, too! It practically pays for itself. In fact, have you noticed you can wear anything with jeans? Check out Sea of Shoes' mom, below. They don't even have to be crisp dark denim jeans. They can be a repulsive faded pair with cut-off hems, and do they go with velvet high heels, a tailored blazer and a sequined cardigan? Yes, they do.

Back in the day, no one would have dreamed of wearing formal cut-offs or leggings as pants with an above-crotch length top. People didn't wear pajamas on the street, boots with bathing suits, tank tops to dinner and flip-flops with wool coats. You wore your winter clothes in winter and your summer clothes in summer and you always had a hat.

Chambray diaper-esque onesie with black tights, and black velvet jacket.

Blazer, high heels, tailored bag, saggy, frayed cut-offs.

This doesn't go. Unless you're a teen. If you're a teen it is cute to mix and match and you are supposed to look like a wacky slob. But then if you are a teen your bag doesn't cost $12,000.

Obviously, fashion was more of a tyranny then, so it is good we have evolved out of it in many ways. Today, women have much more freedom, and the availability of fast, used and cheap fashion means you can look elegant clad in inexpensively-bought clothes. We have the option to be really creative and amazing, but we don't take advantage of it, so, as Simone and I have often discussed, we might as well issue standard clothing to people, because all those people wearing Juicy suits and leggings are just wasting their freedom anyway.

However, fashion is still a tyranny. We still cling desperately to ideas of masculine and feminine (Thank god guys pants are finally getting tighter!!!), we still dress the way we do because society tells us to. Women are often unwilling to present themselves as adults. No one wants to be statuesque or polished, everyone wants to be coltish and undone, like Kate Moss. And people seem to think dressing up is not punk rock/too much work/for other people.

It saddens me when I dress up for a fancy event and everyone else looks like a slob. Why not look nice? If you're a butch lady and resent having to dress up, try a well-cut suit! If you don't have a lot of money, you can find good shit at thrift stores. As I've previously written about, too many people think fashion is about labels and a non-accessible world instead of how they dress every day. It's not about being tied to fashion ideals, trends, shopping a lot, and the world of high fashion (as previously noted, they all look like slobs too), it's about presenting yourself with the dignity that comes from being turned out. It doesn't mean being boring or having to sacrifice yourself. And cut-offs with high heels look like TRASH, but not in a good way.

The Saggy Linen Shortall

Both Mischa Barton and Lindsay Lohan are embracing this overall shorts trend, this time in floppy linen fabric that creases when you sit down and has all the charm of a burlap sack. I see Mischa has chosen the demure ballet flat for that ever-so-kittenish Audrey Hepburn look, who was of course known to wear many a onesie, but Lindsay is sexing it up with some trashy wedges and a tank top. Either way, the look just screams "floppy."

Pairing Them with Pointy Flats Doesn't Make It Okay

If I were to use a word that describes how I feel about overalls, that word would be "repulsion." I remember, in sixth grade, I started feeling all this pressure to wear cool clothes, and, at some point, I kind of resolved to just wear denim overall shorts like everyday. Perhaps I paired them with a bodysuit, or something crushed velvet. The point is, overalls are one of those items that I just didn't think would be "back" any time soon.

But surprise, surprise, overalls are all over Face Hunter (as this droopy/sassy number pair are) and Hel Looks and what have you. To be honest, she looks less like a hipster and more like someone who's one step away from wearing Skechers, but she's probably just French or something. The point is: overalls are creeping into some people's wardrobes the same way they appear to be creeping into this ladies crotch. You have been forewarned.

Ugly UO Items of the Day: The Drab Onesie

Now, onesies are truly one of the trashiest and hilariously named garments out there, but if there's one thing a onesie should be, I say "fun." After all, a onesie is basically a jumpsuit with shorts attached, and they are also referred to as "rompers", another name that indicates that you know, babies wear them. For instance, over the summer I saw this lady in the Lower East Side wearing a kelly green, terry cloth onesie that covered about as much as a swimsuit, even though she was in the middle of a city. It was a very Suzanne Somers on Three's Company look, and it was heinous and inappropriate, but at least it had that lighthearted, freewheelin' feeling.

Not these onesies, though. These are by far the drabbest onesies I have ever seen. On the left we have Lux Linen Utility Onesy (to me, the spelling is "onesie" and "onesie" only) which looks like a hybrid between a mechanic's jumspuit and those "cyber" clothes that got popular around 1998. The super high-looking model is trying to sex it up, but I would say the look is more confusing than provocative. On the right is the hilariously named Lux Linen Romper Onsie, (sent to me by reader/BFF/sole commentor Simone of the Accordion Connection) which looks like it was designed for East German schoolchildren at summer camp, but not in a good way. Either way, these mud colored, sack-like, linen onesies have really got me down. And, in a sad, strange way, longing for a nice sherbet-colored one like this, to pair with my gold platforms and Mystic tan and such.

More Drains on Society

This post is about two things I previously tried to avoid, but, when talking about trends, have proved to be sadly inevitable: Cory Kennedy and overalls. Here's Cory Kennedy, LA scenester/internet/twelve year old/celebrity, posing with some other be-overalled ingenue type on a typically lovely Los Angeles street. Cory Kennedy has come to epitomize the "It's so ugly it's cool" look popularized by hipsters, subscribers to Vice magazine, MisShapes attendees, yet still regularly worn by streetwalkers, old people, and Midwestern housewives who just have bad taste and are wearing out-of-date and unflattering clothing- of course, it only depends on whose wearing it, because part of the look is to be making fun of it and pointing out how cool and better you are than the homeless person over there who is wearing the same thing- but anyway!

The point is, Cory Kennedy is wearing a white onesie, accessorized with a belt, a ringer tee, and some long gold chains. I needn't say more.