Lots of Photos/Lots of Fun!

Who's ready to be unique this summer? Are you? Here are the ingredients for the recipe of creativity and everlasting cool:    

                                                                                                                         

1. Please note that bowler hats can be worn with pale blue 90's shorts, a blazer, a long shirt that you pretend is a floppy dress, no pants, and/or dominatrix-y shoes.

2. How about chambray? Everyone loves it now! Try pairing it with tight black leggings or shorts!

3. Add a dash of ill-fitting cut-offs. Also, don't forget your bowler or that horrible, huge, black fringed bag. They always look good paired with a striped shirt and dramatic pose:

4. Or a have I mentioned a huge t-shirt worn as a dress? With black tights? And oversized glasses? Which people I guess are still wearing? Yes?

5. There may have been a time when you would have been like, "Harem pants? What?" Get in the now! That time was so two years ago! Make sure your crotch area flaps in the wind!

6. If you've been waiting to wear leggings and a hat, and also shred your leggings artfully, don't delay: the time is NOW! PS: If you don't have a huge bag, make sure it's tiny and 80's! PPS: Don't forget your oversized chambray shirt!

7. This segues nicely into plaid! And more bowler hats! And more shredded leggings! And more 80's purses!

8. Leather jackets! Those are back too! And there's one way to wear them: with a stupid hat and quilted faux Chanel bag!

In conclusion, all you need to do to look GREAT is combine these unique looks. It's no accident that every single person in the world is latching onto them too; they're simply that great and timeless.  

More Hope 4 the New Year: Accessories

Remember how I mentioned that Blossom hats were going to come back? And crushed velvet? And how I'm sick of face paint as a hipster accessory?

Well, here is hipter-cum-model Ikeline Stange or something like that wearing both those things. Probably her John Lennon glasses are stashed in her JNCOs, out of the frame of the photo.

Speaking of which, here are a few more trends I've railed against and I'm hoping we'll see the end of this new year, this time featuring Iekielene or however you spell it, who seems to know a thing or two about wearing seventeen trends at once:

Pocohontas bands! I can imagine the feeling of giddy pleasure one may have had after tying a leather shoelace around one's head back in 2006, but wouldn't you feel really foolish by 2009? Shouldn't some of the allure be lost by now? Now that Lindsay Lohan has done it?






Huge glasses! This blog was pratically started to make fun of people wearing these glasses, and it was started in February of 2006! 2006! How come neon is already practically dead but people are still wearing these damn glasses?

Lastly, the bowler hat.

We've seen enough of this hat, whether you are wearing it with an oversized 80's blouse and a vest, or a sloppy layered scarf, or a crushed velvet 90's dress and a vest, or an oversized v-neck and a vest, or have a sunflower glued to it. 

We don't need accessories. They don't hold up our pants or cover up our genitals. Rarely does a bowler hat keep the head warm. So wearing a douchey, overplayed accessory is that much worse because you don't need to place it on your head, guys. 

Okay, after this I promise I'm not going to talk about Blossom awhile. Maybe a couple days. I might switch to Clarissa Explains it All. Or Samantha Mathis in Pump of the Volume. We'll see.

PS:

Samantha Mathis in Pump up the Volume:

Also, I'm not, like, against accessories or something. I'm just saying that, since they're not exactly foundational when it comes to wardrobes, they should be the first to go when they get extremely overplayed/were never cute in the first place. (See the "Too Much" tag for more.)

Hope 4 the New Year

As much as I would like to pool all my hope on our new president, my cynical nature and "ultra liberal" political leanings tell me that relying so heavily on an elected official, especially one who rose to the highest office possible, is both naive and unwise. (I still like Michelle though, especially her ballsy election-night outfit.) So let's stick to fashion, the failings of which might, at times, feel equally depressing, but, ultimately, lead to far less economic depression and global downfall.

Whilst browsing through the thoroughly entertaining Lookbook website, I felt the need to compile a list of trends that need to die with the new year. It wasn't hard. These are like all from the first page.

1. The sloppy layered scarf:

Especially this fucking scarf. Take off this fucking scarf already! Just stop wearing it, America!

I won't comment on the rest of the look, which is soooo early 2000s! Who knows what I mean? Who's ready for 2000s nostalgia??? Wow, what a decade.

How about every single trend on this pair of tools:

Let's count them!
2. Face paint- that's "tribal," guys! Speaking of being fun and ethnic, how about the
3. Afrika collection from
4. American Apparel?
5. Leggings as pants/entire outift.
6. Let's not forget they're still wearing those dumbass scarves
7. Bill Gates glasses
8. Friendship bracelets? Not the first we've seen, and sadly, probably not the last.
9. General 80's/early 90's fug.

Apparently this is the same girl, but here she's spicing things up with
10. Sally Jesse Raphael glasses and
11. A skirt hiked up over her boobs masquerading as a foul top.
12. Plaid! Who else loves plaid? Everyone!

What about this one?
13. That fucking beanie hat perched on the back of the head seen on several other photos in this post.
14. The huge 80's shirt worn as a dress
15. Not wearing pants.

Also, this girl:

I'm all for the neo-Debbie Harry look (obviously) but this crosses over from hipster to terrifying at some point. This girl will haunt me in my dreams. Is she seven? It's like, this is what it would be if pageant mothers tarted up their children to attract Cisco Adler instead of closeted Southern queens. Also, hello, Mishapes is over! Whoa, another early 2000s reference!

Unfortunately the Lookbook website wouldn't let me look at any more photos for some reason.

How depressing that the 2000s are almost over and there is pretty much nothing to define the decade, except for the rise of the $16 H&M sack dress, the realization that ipods are really attractive and that everything from homewares to candy should look just like them and the revival of the late 80s and 90s which is not so much horrifying because those were ugly times, but because we all know the mid-late 90s will be hot on their heels.