Face Hunter Latest 'n Greatest

What is the point of wearing a floppy, depressing zebra print jumpsuit? A zebra print jumpsuit should be worn with a classic rock -like panache, not as another boring sack. In fact, that's the problem with all these jumpsuits! Like their flirtier cousins, the onesie, jumpsuits should only be worn by those who understand their inherent tackiness. PS: Nice bowler hat!

Here are some ways to wear an animal print jumpsuit, from Heavy Metal Parking Lot, which you should probably watch right now if you haven't seen it:




Onto some horrendous floral jumpsuits for suburban moms from 1993. Seriously, I had a third grade teacher who told me her favorite show was Home Improvement (which horrified me even at the time) who my called a "fruit." This is what she wore. Also, I have a soft spot for Doc Martens and all, but maybe it's time to give them a rest, particularly in this context. 

The next two fall under the category of, "Is everyone blind?" A beige leather (or is it more of a puce?) t-shirt with peach colored spandex leggings with yet another pair of open-toe booties? Why do these thing go together? She looks like a band-aid.

Here's another really bad 90's thing that I guess is coming back: long floral skirts with no shape and ugly patterns. If she was wearing a white t-shirt with this skirt, whatever. But a black mesh dominatrix-y top? And a big Palestinian scarf? And a straw 90's mom purse? How or why would these things go together? 

Lastly, The Face Hunter says, "'This is the piece 'In an Absolut world , you can ask for anything' that I created for the Visions exhibition in Munich.' Um what, this is the piece? You mean this topless girl holding up a piece of binder paper over her boobs? You don't need an "absolut" world to make this happen, dude. Lots of women take their clothes off to make money to buy clothing, among other things. And judging from the way most of the people on Face Hunter look, you can pretty much dive into any pile of discarded crap and come out with a worthy outfit. You know, as long as you look like this in the first place.

Lots of Photos/Lots of Fun!

Who's ready to be unique this summer? Are you? Here are the ingredients for the recipe of creativity and everlasting cool:    

                                                                                                                         

1. Please note that bowler hats can be worn with pale blue 90's shorts, a blazer, a long shirt that you pretend is a floppy dress, no pants, and/or dominatrix-y shoes.

2. How about chambray? Everyone loves it now! Try pairing it with tight black leggings or shorts!

3. Add a dash of ill-fitting cut-offs. Also, don't forget your bowler or that horrible, huge, black fringed bag. They always look good paired with a striped shirt and dramatic pose:

4. Or a have I mentioned a huge t-shirt worn as a dress? With black tights? And oversized glasses? Which people I guess are still wearing? Yes?

5. There may have been a time when you would have been like, "Harem pants? What?" Get in the now! That time was so two years ago! Make sure your crotch area flaps in the wind!

6. If you've been waiting to wear leggings and a hat, and also shred your leggings artfully, don't delay: the time is NOW! PS: If you don't have a huge bag, make sure it's tiny and 80's! PPS: Don't forget your oversized chambray shirt!

7. This segues nicely into plaid! And more bowler hats! And more shredded leggings! And more 80's purses!

8. Leather jackets! Those are back too! And there's one way to wear them: with a stupid hat and quilted faux Chanel bag!

In conclusion, all you need to do to look GREAT is combine these unique looks. It's no accident that every single person in the world is latching onto them too; they're simply that great and timeless.  

How Guys Should Not Dress

I've been a pretty terrible blogger lately- but I've been working a lot so I don't always have the energy to make fun of stuff. (However, in a short burst of energy I actually did recently make an "iMovie" that will soon be posted here! Stay tuned!)

But here's a trend I'd like to see die! Guys, particularly fashion gays, wearing huge jackets and legging-like pants, particularly with some kind of bowl cut on top.


Let's start with Hannu, 22 . He likes "light blue jeans and shoulder paddings but the shorts are the best." Hannu's actually maintained this hairdo for a year, which is a style that didn't really work for the Beatles but really doesn't work if you're pairing it with a deep v (shudder) and some gross old 80's child molester jacket. Speaking of child molesters, have I mentioned that hairdo?


This is Joona, 18, in the avante-garde gay uniform du jour. He says that "homeless people with their ragged and oversize clothes inspire my style," which is always a creative/culturally sensitive answer. Also the fact that everyone on earth now has a bowler hat for some reason has managed to influence his style.


Ohmygod. Jesus christ. Jussi, the guy on the left, looks exactly like the guys in my high school who wore trench coats and mirrored wraparounds and read graphic novels and played World of Warcraft. The only difference is that he's doing it for avant-garde reasons, and his clothes are designer. More to the point, they fit really, really bad. All these tight pants on guys are not even good, solid, tight pants, they're all wrinkly and gross, and the oversized blouse is giving him man-boobs. Then we have his ladyfriend, in the lady version of this outfit. I'm not sure if if I've mentioned it here, but it's time to give wet look leggings a rest. Really. Right now. Stop wearing them. Pull them out again in 2011 and just see how they feel.


This is more just another example of these BADLY FITTING "tight" pants guys are wearing nowadays. These weird, saggy leggings just emphasize that, as a guy, you probably have no ass, or at least one small enough to make it look like you have no ass if you wear these terrible pants. Not hot!!! Also, this is not a even a fashiony look. All those skater boys who dress like they are seven even though they are 22 also wear these pants.



Here are some more. The guy in the bowler jacket has gone with the fugly 80's jacket option to add volume, while the other guy in the bowler hat is just wearing a long whiteoversized turtleneck sweater, like we all did in 1989.



In conclusion, this look really looks good on on no one. But it really, really doesn't look good on guys because they already usually have larger upper halves and smaller legs, so this sillouhette just makes them look perched on gross little spindly ostrich legs. Also, everyone is too chic to wear anything besides beige, as usual.

Coming soon:

Harem pants: Sexy on ladies but- Even SEXIER on guys?