More People Who Are Famous for Some Reason

Following my previous post about female star(let)s of dubious talent (whose happiness I happen to be extremely jealous of) and whose fame is due entirely to connections they have, here is a new post about the daughters of aged rock musicians!

First of all, even though no one really cares about them, we have the Richards sisters, daughters of Keith Richards and some model whose name I actually do know is Patti Hansen. The "some model" aspect is very important, because having a model mother means you are tall and skinny, but having a rock star father means you have cachet. Anyway, I first read about the Richards sisters in Vogue a long time ago, and they're basically very boring and are kind of preppy Lauren Conrad types who probably don't know who the Rolling Stones are. But still, they are sort of lauded and always invited to show up at events and get modeling contracts like they didn't inherit Keith's forehead or something.
Also, if you want to see something uber-horrifying I came across in my google image search, I have posted it below:

Take that, Iggy Pop! And you thought you were withered! This is what Simone refers to as "looking like beef jerkey."

Then we have Daisy Lowe, who is like twelve or something:



When she first started getting popular, I assumed she was the daughter of singer-songwriter Nick Lowe, but actually she is the forgotten love child of Gavin Rossdale and someone. Are you still considered "rock royalty" if your father is Gavin Rossdale?

Anyway, model Daisy is known for this i-D magazine spread she did where her boyfriend grabbed her naked boobs (here is one of the less racy photos.) This was shot by "photog" Terry Richardson, who pioneered using flash in photos and shooting fifteen year olds in just a pair of children's underwear and a wolf mask on a motel bed. You know what I'm talking about- it's not misogyny- misogyny is dead. This is the "new misogyny!" Here's a good example. And another! Anyway, back to Daisy Lowe: much heralded as a British fashion icon, but, of course, if you look closely, she just looks like some girl you saw on the street five minutes ago.

Next we have Kimberly Stewart, Rod Stewart's daughter. As much as she tried, she never really pulled off that indie skank thing, and just got stuck in with simply skank. I decided to post her anyway because I can never resist a good nose job photo comparison. But seriously, she must feel bad that she ruined it so much by dressing like this and hanging out with Paris Hilton. After all, Rod Stewart is cooler than Gavin Rossdale.


Then, (shown in the second photo with Miss Lowe in the Doc Martens) there's Peaches Geldof (short for "Peaches Honeyblossom Michelle Charlotte Angel Vanessa," sister to "Fifi" and "Pixie." Hey, how about just naming your daughters "Kandy Kanes" or "Mandee Melons?" ) But we all knew Bob Geldof was overly full of himself when you saw his Live Aid performance, right? Like everyone else on this list, she is a "model" and hosts a TV show in England. Apparently she also has a reputation for being condescending, and, according to Wikipedia, "Pete Doherty blamed his poor performance at 2005's Live 8 concert on Peaches making a 'suggestive' comment to him shortly before he went onstage, which the teenager denied." Haha. Anyway, she recently got married to some other nineteen year old but I think she's getting a divorce soon.

And to contrast with the ladies in this post, Cisco Adler, noted ex of Mischa Barton, Kimberly Stewart, and apparently Paris Hilton and Lauren Conrad. He is also the son of some LA music guy and was in a band like Keanu Reeves called "Whitestarr" and is known for being an allaround hipster/douche, but a lame LA hipster, not even a New York one. Also, googleimage search him for some of the most horrifying nude photos ever. 

Anyway, even though he's wildly hideous, since he's a guy he never had to get a nose job or a face reduction or whatever the hell would fix him. (If you've googleimaged him by now, you'll see that it's at least a balls reduction.) And because he's a guy he is actually in a band and plays an instrument (I mean, if you can call it that), which is equally frusturating as we all really wanted Nicole Richie's violin or whatever she supposedly plays career to get off the ground. But seriously, of course none of these woman are famous for anything besides wearing wet-look leggings, whereas we all know if Keith Richards had two sons they would sure as hell be in several bands right now. Like, I'm sure none of these people event taught their daughters to play instruments or anything.

So there are more (Lizzee Jagger, anyone?) but this post is already too long. Please let me know if you'd like more celeb spawn posts!

Urban Outfitters: Still Ugly

This is ugly and stupid and all, and as everyone else I am so sick of screenprints that I think I might puke, but the real reason I wanted to post this is the name: Nothing Sacred by Obesity and Speed Keyhole Back Cami Yes, that's right, Urban Outfitters, that hip, hip, underground clothing store now has a line called "Obesity and Speed." Take that, "Truly Madly Deeply!" Or "Made By Elves!" Or "Silence & Noise!" Or "Coincidence & Chance!" Or "Sparkle & Fade", which is an Everclear reference but I guess that slipped through the cracks. Or "Black Milk!" What asshole is being paid to dream up these retarded brand names for Urban Outfitters? I can do it, too. Here are some names that I think are hip right now: "Mice & Horse." "Leaf & Gnome." "Fawn & Anorexia."

Besides the fact that this fits completely terribly and has no shape and is scrunchy and weird-looking, it's $78 and made of polyester. Polyester with lurex in it, in a bid for most "bebe Holiday '97" look possible. Please look at fabric content when you buy clothing- almost anything made of a crappy synthetic fabric is not worth paying for. By the way, this is from the C. Ronson line, (sister of those other Ronsons who don't deserve to be famous even though obviously I support gay Lindsay) which long ago Naira told me I should write a post about because it's all overpriced crap paid for through nepotism. Anyway, I think you're supposed to pair it with the following C. Ronson droopy tank, also $78 and polyester:
Horrible! I see the models are looking as vivacious as ever. Also, now their heads are mostly cropped off in the photos for that porny American Apparel look.

Who is styling these shots? I was going to suggest a crackwhore, but it really looks more like they took a sixty-year-old guy on the street ad asked him to pair together the sexiest looks he could find. And he found a fringed tank top and a brown leather mini skirt which by the way you could walk into any Goodwill and find for $4 right now. Why are these two items being put together? Do people buy fringed things? Do fringed things ever look non-ugly or non-tacky (see Conrad, Lauren)? If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times: if you're going to dress slutty, please be colorful, glamorous, and over-the-top tacky about it! What is the point of being a slut clad in sad neutrals?

We all knew the Kelly Bundy look was coming back (somethig I clearly support; I have always admired her style. Seriously.*) but what about an early 90's skank look combined with that of a matador? Huh? Personally, I would buy it simply because it's from their creative "Urban Renewal" line, where they "rework" vintage clothes into something superhot. I've been attracted to it ever since going to an Urban Outfitters in like eighth grade and seeing they had all these pilled, scabby looking used hoodie sweatshirts that had been "revamped" with pyramid studs and were on sale for $65. Well, at $58, here's another steal!



OhmyGOD. What the HELL. Who would buy this ($118) thing based on this image? Apparently some girl who has reviewed it, claiming not only that she has not tried it, but that it has a "good fit." That armpit cleavage thing that happens with strapless dresses is so unfortunate. You know, one of my first posts ever was to warn people away from the then-hot trend of wearing skirts as dresses. I would also like to warn people from wearing dresses that look like skirts.

*Seriously!

Joan Rivers Is Alright

It is shocking- simply shocking that Ms. Lauren "LC" Conrad has not only maintained her level of fame from when I made a post about hating her an entire year-ish ago, but her fame level has actually risen. MTV's The Hills really feeds into our culture's obsession both with faux-reality TV and the blandest and shallowest of female archetypes. Whereas once MTV had shows like Daria and played Hole videos, today it's a horrifying amalgamation of My Super Sweet Sixteen, Katy Perry's astoundingly weak-ass take on retro glamour, the botoxed 22-year olds of The Hills and beyond, and the occasional Hannah Montana visit. Nice outfit, LC! Real unique!



Just like your fashion line, which we can see an image of to the right. Loving that sag! It must have taken a lot of hard work to design this one.

All I have to say is, may god strike down anyone who buys anything from any celebrity fashion line, except the Joan Rivers line on QVC (For some reason, my mom got in all this Joan Rivers brand jewelery into her store, and people would look at it and then look at the box and be like, "Joan Rivers?" and I wasn't really sure if I should pretend it was a different Joan Rivers or not. It was not a different Joan Rivers.)

On the plus side, I'm enjoying the photo of Beyonce below. She is bringing it in a way it so rarely brought in today's dire media landscape. Let's have a little more of this and a little less of this, please.

MIA Pog to be Included with Every Purchase

Oh no, an MIA clothing line! (And by clothing, they mean "t-shirts.") I don't know if this is an official image or what, but what I'm really wondering is if that oversized watermelon tie-dye t-shirt worn with pink leggings will be available, as I would pay up to hundreds of dollars for that particular look for sure. I know I've said this before, but- I understand that the early 90's had to come back at some point, but did it have to be the exact early 90's clothing I wore to camp at age nine? At least when I wore terry cloth t-shirts and ball chain necklaces I was doing so more out of my own agency. This kind of clothing is like stuff from Ross your parents shoved you in because stretch pants and large colorful shirts could mix and match for the growing girl.

By the way, you know who MIA has been BFF with for like ever? Famous fashion designer Luella Bartley! She, like, used to be roommates with her in Notting Hill or something. I'm just pointing this out because everyone has famous friends and that's how they get famous in the first place, usually. That and their "rawness", in MIA's case.

"Owner of a Lonely Heart" is Stuck in my Head

Why, you ask, am I posting these photos of rags on my blog? Why, they are not rags, but part of the new, minimalist fashion line of the Olsen twins, currently being featured at Barney's, and full of deals and steals like $300 t-shirts and whatnot. This is like how Mandy Moore's fashion line, the annoyingly named Mblem, with the even more annoying description of "vintage contemporary tees" (what the hell is vintage about this? vintage means old, you fools) is supposed to feature that perfect $85 t-shirt you could never find. I don't know what kind of rich people are bemoaning the fact that they can never find a good t-shirt when there is practically no design involved in making them and there are ten million available for $7, but whatever. I guess they are the same sort of people who think American Apparel really makes a well-priced product that just can't be found anywhere else.

Anyway, it's all very fascinating,- I really love that long gray tank dress old MK is showing us in the last picture. It looks very flattering, unique, and well-designed. Apparently "The Row" has sold really well, probably to the same public that buys Britney's perfume and The Jaime collection by Jaime Pressley. I'm really sure that all these "designers" are constantly hard at work on their "designs."

Also, I just spent like twenty minutes trying to find this one photo of Fergie's line for Kipling (remember those hideous nylon bags with the monkey hanging off them that were really expensive and I dreamed of owning in seventh grade?) that I saw in an old People magazine and stared at for like five minutes in order to make a reference to Paris Is Burning in relation to them, but of course I couldn't find the right one, so the pic at the end of this post will have to do, even though it doesn't look nearly as Paris Is Burning as the other one.

But, I admit, I don't really hate the Olsens. I hate aspects of the Olsens, many aspects I guess, but I guess what I appreciate about them (mostly Mary Kate) is that they sometimes look completely psychotic in the name of fashion, and, in their own troll-like way, seem very devoted to it in a way that other self-proclaimed fashion-loving starlets (Lindsay Lohan, for instance) don't. They don't just wear the latest trends their stylist put them in, and sometimes they look crazy, and not just because of their blank and hungry eyes.

As a visual aid, I've added this photo of Mary Kate super Stevie Nicks-ed out at the supermarket, or the one above where she is wearing the fur jacket. She kind of looks like a crazy old lady in these pictures, or a fashionable gremlin. I also really felt jealous of this beautiful vintage lace dress Ashley wore to the premiere of the classic film Troy. I mean, technically I'm against all they stand for, but I'd rather look at photos of the Olsens clothes than of most famous people.

Plus No Doubt Sucks

Despite the fact that Gwen Stefani is one of the stardom's more creative dressers, I've never really liked her. She's just too calculated and trendy and careful in her camp outfits, and a lot of what she wears is just plain ugly. Besides that, she's really into appropriating other cultures in this totally clueless way, whether it's "rasta" or you know, using actual people as fun accessories. Plus she's one of those "I'm not a feminist, but..." type of people who doesn't really know anything about feminism but is clearly scared of appearing too powerful, even though she's obviously a good businesswoman who has a lot of influence in various arenas.
And her Harajuku lovers line is soooo ugly. Ugly hoodies splashed with stupid logos that look like why should come from Forever21 but are kind of expensive. And here we have a really, really terrible t-shirt with a funky little Asian girl with an afro screened on it, cause, like Asians are fun the way naming your son after a Jamaican city and having a bunch of Japanese girls trailing after you is like, really creative and fun too. It's like forty dollars and stuff, which is a great price for piece of mass-produced crap. Don't buy it.