Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Simone Thinks She May Be a Nazi

It took me a while to realize this, but I realized recently that I hate Heidi Klum. I don't really like any of the judges on Project Runway that much, because they all have boring taste and thus tend to praise the safe and trendy, and Michael Kors' khaki-clad, blown-out hairdo-ed jetsetter aesthetic (I actually wrote that description before I found that image, to give you an idea of how completely boring and one-note he is as a designer) has always struck me as repulsive, but at least he and fellow judge Nina Garcia actually do have experience in the fashion industry.

Heidi, on the other hand, has experience stuffing her fake boobs into various overpriced bras and panties and sitting in front of wind machines. Oh, excuse me, she's a "jewelery designer," a title I'm she would have gotten even if she didn't model. But seriously, she doesn't even model actual designer clothes, she models for Sports Illustrated, as well as partaking in the rather hilariously pageant-esque Victoria's Secret runway show.

Anyway, my point is, as a judge, she doesn't display any sort of knowledge about the industry. Her comments are always like, "To me, it looks...cheap, no?" Or, "What is that? It is so ugly, it looks like it came from the basement, yes?" (Sorry to make fun of her as non-native English speaker, but, you know, she deserves it.) She certainly doesn't seem to base her critiques on stuff she knows, just her personal opinion. Which lead her to wear that tie-dyed number, and that elegant white-gloved look above.


What's more, she exhibits little to no creativity in her personal style and is usually seen on the show wearing the latest glittering sack dress in a muted color/black. Her overall appearance, from her beige extensions to her Mystic tan to her fake boobs to her crappy clothes, is just totally bland. And, as a host, I find her boring. I hate that Bravo shows always hire some model to host when someone like Tim Gunn would do a much better job. And on more than one occasion, she has called people fat and reacted with horror to "plus sizes."

PS: Also, who buys a hot pink, ostrich-print Birkin? That purse costs like $3,000 and is supposed to be classic, which is stupid and all, but getting the Malibu Barbie version is just so trashy. Of course, wearing it with a paint-splattered trucker hat or whatever that is finishes the look.


PPS: Classy!

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

I know! She was in fine form on tonight's episode. I like how when she talks to the final two designers, she makes it seems as if her ignorant opinion was the deciding factor. She's like "Steven, the main problem with your dress is that it looks like a french maid outfit...and it was cliche."

Also, how sad is the decline of Project Runway? I realized tonight that the only part I look forward to is the part where Tim critiques the outfits.

Dan

M said...

i know! she obviously didn't even know what was going on when she made the french maid comment.

what i don't get about pr is that i guess, since no one's that great a designer, they hired them for their personalities, but then they also have no personalities.

bravo is like a teenage girl from the suburbs who thinks everyone gay is like, just so funny and fabulous.

Anonymous said...

did you see that picture on go fug a few weeks ago with heidi's ass cleavage? pretty baffling stuff. if some designer on PR sent a model down the runway with an ass crack showing she would no doubt be all saying how its whorish it is and shit. but im sure the elegance of her ass crack supercedes trashiness.

the question is, who is more talentless? heidi or padma? after all, they are both executive producers.

gerard

Simone said...

i dunno, at least padma has a big ass scar, which lends her some sort of toughness/mysteriousness, which heidi lacks entirely.

and yeah, seriously, that ass crack? way to class it up, heidi. though i suppose that's pretty much par for the course for a vicky's secret model.

M said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
M said...

i was going to say padma was smarter because she married salman rushdie but i spelled "smarter" wrong so i deleted my comment.

i would say they have equally annoying intonation.

Anonymous said...

Birkin bags actually start at $7,500 retail and can go up to $65,000. Heidi's was probably between ten and fifteen thou because of the ostrich skin.