Thursday, October 25, 2012

Old-Fashioned Ugly Urban Post: Take that, Eugene O'Neill!

Gross. In the past couple (five?) years, it became "cool" to have an ugly holiday sweater party, and it seems that Urban has recently got hip to this and is now "renewing" some fugly sweaters that are not even close to being vintage. I remember people buying them at the store I worked at in Philadelphia, and always found it depressing that people were spending money on something ugly when they could be wearing something pretty/cool. No matter where you live, they're not exactly hard to find for significantly cheaper than $34 at a real thrift store. But the most truly witty and ironic versions can be had at Urban, where they seem to be doing little to nothing to enhance these stupid sweaters and jack up the price. Fun fact: Tory Burch's now ex-husband (and probs her) grew rich on importing these in the 80's!

Wait, what? What is the political statement here, exactly? JFK was shot well before Changes was even written, and Changes was also written well before David Bowie had a lightning bolt on his face anyway!!! This is like the stupidest wannabe pop-art mashup ever. I notice that new Urban is trying to stray from the goth thing and now be a little punk/biker, but either way they remain edgy as hell. Do you even dare to wear this in polite company???

This one is just so cool. It has these cool, deep things written on it, and it looks really old and torn and stuff, but it actually just came out of a factory overseas this way!

Haha, this one also has some totes random gibberish on it too! It's like some dark, edgy gibberish. Actually, who cares it's not like I feel bad for Eugene O'Neill not like he never got any credit.

I can understand the appeal of the cut-out back as much as anyone, but not everything is meant to have a cut-out. A plaid flannel shirt is one of those things. How do you even wear a bra with this? Who wants to wear a baggy flannel shirt without a bra? 

This is just sad Urban styling. Maybe the ill-fitting skirt could work in a fun 70's way, maybe the top would be okay with black skinny jeans or a silver mini or something, but together this is just a sad, weird combo. Who would look at this image and think, "I want that look. I want that to be me."? On the plus side, the model's hair has slightly more volume than years past.

Ugh! Why is there a back cut-out and a tie that ties underneath over your jeans? It really seems like Urban is desperate to add more, more, more back cut-outs and details wherever they can be found! But it's like, you gotta know when to fold 'em. And that was before you added that droopy butt tie. Plus, over jeans, that's weird.

So, they're back. Maybe. Just as a I predicted, yin-yangs seem to be slowly edging their way back from 90's-era dominance to regain a coveted spot upon the bodies of the young people who have $34 to spend on this t-shirt. This tee brings to mind wonderful memories for me: sleepaway camp in 1994, puberty, biker shorts.... But you don't need to have a personal connection with this shirt to see that it's ugly. With the dasiy yin- yangs, the dirty look, the splotchy tie-dye, it's all there before your eyes!


em said...

The droopy butt tie is definitely going to end up in some toilets!

Anonymous said...

If you want to know what the T-shirt with JFK means then get the pdf document available for free download from the link below, it has a section about David Bowie and explains this T-shirt