Tuesday, May 7, 2013

The Punkest Night of Yr Life

Wait, what was the point of having the Met Balls theme be "punk?" Wasn't nobody dressed very punk as far as I can see! But then since the theme was "punk", it seems like no one wanted to have good hair, even though punk hair is like, often really important. 

Anne Hathaway was like, "Punk? Whoops, I thought you said Russian Mail order bride!" 

What the fuck is this hobo-looking outfit? You can't even see the graphic on the sweatshirt, which apparently is Balenciaga. Is it punk because it looks really thrown together even though it costs $5K? The answer is no. 

This look is so, "OMG! I totally heard, like, punk was the theme, so I have this really cute $10K jacket with gold studs and this weird studded comb, to like  put in my unstyled punk hair which looks totes bizarre! Who wants Smirnoff Sorbet Lite???" 

Haha. A lot of women hit the eyeliner really hard in their efforts to punk it up. This photo is so funny, their dissattached body language and faces. I mean, that's what makes it fuckin PUNK ROCK.

Okay, its not very "punk", but it's a cool, 30's-inspired dress. BUT WHAT IS THAT HAIR. Punks do their hair, people. It's not like doing your hair is not the tradition of punk. It's actually often a crucial part of the look. But I guess Taylor Swift and her stylist weren't aware.

Miley Cyrus is def. the punkest of all these celebrities, so far (take that, Carine Roitfeld!!!) and I also deem her look the punkest so far. The spiky hair and jagged, covered-up look of her dress is atypical. She looks like she's in Roxette or something, the greatest punk band of our times.

Here's Madonna, who used to be pretty punk before she started talking with a British accent. Anyway, this outfit is weird and not very fun to look at, and why gray plaid but whatever at least she acknowledged the theme and isn't wearing a white strapless dress like half these fools.
And the crotch cross is a nice touch.

This woman gets it!

Heidi got this from the David's Bridal Up the Punx collection.

The shadows in the sateen fabric make it look like her crotch neva ends. Alls I know is, if J. Lo is standing behind you, move away. You can't outshine that light.

In conclusion, I guess it's reassuring all these rich celebs and socialites did a bad job with even a high-end punk-inspired look. Even though it's the Met Ball, it seems most people's stylists are worried their clients will look too extravagant if they wear, like, a necklace or have big hair. And that's sad because we are all here for the spectacle, and when it comes down to it, there's not really that much to look at. 


jw said...

I'm looking forward to seeing this show at the met and leaving enraged, because i'm sure it's all about white men and their interpretation of punk, presented as capital P PUNK.

Simone said...

also that previous comment was me, I was on jen's computer and I guess it logged in as her. whoops!

Anonymous said...

Seeing these photos was so disappointing. Reading your commentary was awesome though. I loved the bit about J-Lo 'you can't outshine that light'.