Tuesday, February 10, 2009

More Hope 4 the New Year: Accessories

Remember how I mentioned that Blossom hats were going to come back? And crushed velvet? And how I'm sick of face paint as a hipster accessory?

Well, here is hipter-cum-model Ikeline Stange or something like that wearing both those things. Probably her John Lennon glasses are stashed in her JNCOs, out of the frame of the photo.

Speaking of which, here are a few more trends I've railed against and I'm hoping we'll see the end of this new year, this time featuring Iekielene or however you spell it, who seems to know a thing or two about wearing seventeen trends at once:

Pocohontas bands! I can imagine the feeling of giddy pleasure one may have had after tying a leather shoelace around one's head back in 2006, but wouldn't you feel really foolish by 2009? Shouldn't some of the allure be lost by now? Now that Lindsay Lohan has done it?

Huge glasses! This blog was pratically started to make fun of people wearing these glasses, and it was started in February of 2006! 2006! How come neon is already practically dead but people are still wearing these damn glasses?
Lastly, the bowler hat.

We've seen enough of this hat, whether you are wearing it with an oversized 80's blouse and a vest, or a sloppy layered scarf, or a crushed velvet 90's dress and a vest, or an oversized v-neck and a vest, or have a sunflower glued to it. 

We don't need accessories. They don't hold up our pants or cover up our genitals. Rarely does a bowler hat keep the head warm. So wearing a douchey, overplayed accessory is that much worse because you don't need to place it on your head, guys. 

Okay, after this I promise I'm not going to talk about Blossom awhile. Maybe a couple days. I might switch to Clarissa Explains it All. Or Samantha Mathis in Pump of the Volume. We'll see.

Samantha Mathis in Pump up the Volume:

Also, I'm not, like, against accessories or something. I'm just saying that, since they're not exactly foundational when it comes to wardrobes, they should be the first to go when they get extremely overplayed/were never cute in the first place. (See the "Too Much" tag for more.)


madam0wl, a.k.a Sandra said...

Oh man, hope you don't diss on Nora and Janie from 'ole HHH... those my girlz. Peace, sister. In fimo of course.

Anonymous said...

In defense of giant glasses...
I bought a pair of giant glasses for myself off the internet for $12. Real, genuine, prescription glasses. I think, when worn correctly, it makes you look like a weird, hot librarian. And, as someone that really needs glasses, they are so much nicer for looking out of then normal, smaller glasses. Everything is so clear and there is no border on your world! I love it!

HOWEVER, hipsters that wear giant glasses with no lenses deserve a kick in the teeth.

M said...

wait, who are nora and jamie? i do know what fimo is. gather up your fimo! soon it will be worth millioms!

nickey, i can say i am glad we no longer just have to wear those rectangular glasses they sell at lenscrafters that i hate and we have more options. i will reserve my wrath for the hipsters. and for those who wear glasses so big they come past their nostrils. like that one girl with the square glasses in the photo. those can't be comfortable.

So what said...

... trends do you actually LIKE? do you suggest wearing no accessories at all?

audra said...

oh, you are so wise...so wise. this one made me snort, too! nice work.

M said...

hey there anonymous commenter, i talk a lot in this blog about accessories, trends and various other things i like. but you'd have to scroll back and read previous entries for that!