Saturday, April 25, 2009

How Guys Should Not Dress

I've been a pretty terrible blogger lately- but I've been working a lot so I don't always have the energy to make fun of stuff. (However, in a short burst of energy I actually did recently make an "iMovie" that will soon be posted here! Stay tuned!)

But here's a trend I'd like to see die! Guys, particularly fashion gays, wearing huge jackets and legging-like pants, particularly with some kind of bowl cut on top.

Let's start with Hannu, 22 . He likes "light blue jeans and shoulder paddings but the shorts are the best." Hannu's actually maintained this hairdo for a year, which is a style that didn't really work for the Beatles but really doesn't work if you're pairing it with a deep v (shudder) and some gross old 80's child molester jacket. Speaking of child molesters, have I mentioned that hairdo?

This is Joona, 18, in the avante-garde gay uniform du jour. He says that "homeless people with their ragged and oversize clothes inspire my style," which is always a creative/culturally sensitive answer. Also the fact that everyone on earth now has a bowler hat for some reason has managed to influence his style.

Ohmygod. Jesus christ. Jussi, the guy on the left, looks exactly like the guys in my high school who wore trench coats and mirrored wraparounds and read graphic novels and played World of Warcraft. The only difference is that he's doing it for avant-garde reasons, and his clothes are designer. More to the point, they fit really, really bad. All these tight pants on guys are not even good, solid, tight pants, they're all wrinkly and gross, and the oversized blouse is giving him man-boobs. Then we have his ladyfriend, in the lady version of this outfit. I'm not sure if if I've mentioned it here, but it's time to give wet look leggings a rest. Really. Right now. Stop wearing them. Pull them out again in 2011 and just see how they feel.

This is more just another example of these BADLY FITTING "tight" pants guys are wearing nowadays. These weird, saggy leggings just emphasize that, as a guy, you probably have no ass, or at least one small enough to make it look like you have no ass if you wear these terrible pants. Not hot!!! Also, this is not a even a fashiony look. All those skater boys who dress like they are seven even though they are 22 also wear these pants.

Here are some more. The guy in the bowler jacket has gone with the fugly 80's jacket option to add volume, while the other guy in the bowler hat is just wearing a long whiteoversized turtleneck sweater, like we all did in 1989.

In conclusion, this look really looks good on on no one. But it really, really doesn't look good on guys because they already usually have larger upper halves and smaller legs, so this sillouhette just makes them look perched on gross little spindly ostrich legs. Also, everyone is too chic to wear anything besides beige, as usual.

Coming soon:

Harem pants: Sexy on ladies but- Even SEXIER on guys?


♥Jozee said...

wahahahaha. that first guy... hooooo-lee-shit. absolutely ridiculous looking. i mean, seriously--how are these people taken seriously?

Ms. X said...

the guy in the misfits shirt looks like he's wearing a me-costume circa 2004, aka when i didn't care that i looked like shit all the time.