Thursday, July 8, 2010

Trend Report From American Apparel: Sagging Mauve

These are from their vintage selection, priced at $38. As far as shorts go, it is difficult to get more unflattering than this. And shorts are often extremely unflattering.

Here are some more of their lovely pants in similar styles, from their hot new line, "1993 Hospital Waiting Room."

Yes, whether it is greige, mauve, beige or a washed-out puce, they offer a stunning array of colors and looks.

Or maybe those pale mint poly pleated pants were too sleek-looking. so how about this really, really dumpy looking skirt, which is made of polyester khaki chiffon? I already made fun of a very similar skirt, but whatever. The very first post I made on this blog was to hate on American Apparel, and that was three years ago. And look where I am today!!!

I am sooo sick of these dishrag-y tank tops that are always in this dingy color and hang down saggily in order to reveal your naked sides and bra. This one is a particularly fetching design.

Or what about this also polyester but pink polyester satin scarf? It's $26!!! My theory is that American Apparel has tons of scraps lying around and to make use out of them, they're like, "Use this leftover fabric for a 'Wrap It Yourself' beret or take these colored strings and braid them into a 'String Harness' for only thirty bucks!"

Speaking of unflattering shorts, everyone is wearing these 90's style shorts right now. It's hard to put my finger on exactly what makes them so ugly, because I like the idea of high-waisted shorts, but everyone looks really lumpen in this particular style. I think they smush down people's butts while simultaneously creating a pouch-like area in front. In fact, you might say even say that the fupa/flat ass look is the look du jour.

Ohmygod what the hell these clothes are so unbelievably ugly. Like, what the hell?! Do you know what I'm saying here??????? What is wrong with everyone????

More gross tops that look like they are from the 1994 Victoria's Secret catalogue. The textured one is nylon and costs $78. Basically, you are paying money to look like what Dov Charney jerked off to in the 90's. It's a real honor.

Speaking of being jerked off on, here are the photos they show on the website for their $64 jersey sheet set, which comes, exclusively, in white and gray, perhaps the grossest color for sheets. I know all American Apparel ads look like this, but maybe this one is a little more haunting? A little more of a human-trafficking vibe? Oh, who even knows anymore. It's all so distasteful.


lilymrose said...

My God. I thought this was a joke at first; as in, there is no way that American Apparel would ever, ever conceivably think that those shorts are awesome. Or that any of it does NOT want to make me claw my eyes out in horror.
Love this post!

Em said...

That beige skirt reminds me of something the girl from Teen Witch would've worn before she got cool, and all the shorts look like hand-me-downs from my mom that I would have rejected when I was younger. I wonder if AA will eventually push shapelessness to the limit and start selling those big gray tank tops/dresses exclusively, maybe with some pieces of string to accessorize with in really fun ways.

Simone said...

GOOD GOD! I mean, really what else is there to say, even? how could it get any more foul? Do they sell crushed velvet bodysuits, I wonder? In either a ballet scoopneck or mock turtleneck? In jewel tones? Those shorts! Everyone looks so dumpy! And yes, girl I saw on the g train today: I was totally staring at you because I could NOT believe that you were wearing a shapeless grey sack that showed the sides of your little black mesh (it's always black mesh, isn't it?) triangle bra. you looked like a garbage clown!

Anonymous said...

Gawd seriously I think the NEXT BIG THING is to start shellacking everyone with that "body glitter" that was so popular back in the mid 90s!!
p.s. Please don't ever stop.

danielle said...

thank god i'm not the only one who thinks this shit is hideous!!!

moonshinejunkyard said...

AGGGHHHH!!! i had no idea american apparel was so repulsive. how is this real? now, body glitter i could handle. there's a certain amount of shit that almost seems funny/cool to me. but those first shorts? no can do. my sister had some like that which she wore with striking tiger print button-up and suspenders. amazing.

Mary said...

To anonymous: It seems like the flashy, body glitter and iridescent vinyl 90's has been forgotten, while the saggy, muted floral and oatmeal 90's has been glorified.

I can see those first shorts really struck a chord with people.

le nouveau chicness said...

so lovely!!! love the drapey relaxed fabrics, effortless chic!!

Mary said...

le nouveau chicness, This post was about how these clothes are ugly. Really ugly. I guess you disagree. Do you think you would find them so chic if it was ten years ago?

Monica said...

AND.... that is why AA is going bankrupt as we speak.

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