Best of Lookbook: We Still Love Saggy Clothing, Looking Waifish

This is entitled "coffee & novels" even though I bet he is really drinking a skim soy latte. This guy seems very influenced by the Olsen Twins. I say he can do better! I'm tired of people saying gay gays dress better than straight men. They both dress bad. I guess this guy has some flair, but it's misplaced. A few more examples:

It's like they're in a costume, but they don't know what they are supposed to be. I guess I appreciate the campiness of it, but I think lots of gays seem to dress in parodies in a sort of version of masculinity, hence the the male cast of Jersey Shore in the Village Voice queer issue, illustrating the "guido ideal." But these looks, like all the looks here, are desperately high-fashiony, except I guess the guy in the headband, who looks more Portland 2008. No one seems influenced by anything cool or really belonging to an interesting subculture, just by what is trendy.






This is a big look for girls. It's a kind of swaddled, diapery look. Everyone is into pants with saggy apendages, like dropped crotches and voluminous ankles. More neutral. More 90's. I think maybe the two bottom ones are wearing the same flowy skort? Isn't it weird that not long ago these ladies would be wearing low-rise Sevens and Juicy suits? Like the guy above, they strive for a rumpled "I just threw this flowy skort on," look.




Also hot: tucking something voluminous into a pair of 501 cut-offs and posing with a fashion hunch.



In: long hair for the ladies. But, not curly, wild long fair. That's gross. It's lank and straight, like the pleats in your shorts. And bowler hats and faux vintage sunglasses and skorts or at least a really big shirt with no pants. Standing knock-kneed and unsteadily, as usual.

Who wore the Smiths T-Shirt Better Competition:

That first guy looks your sixth-grade dream date, whereas the second guy is doing the ubiquitous pigeon-toed 90's floral thing. Which goes to show that gay guys dress no better than straight guys, but also that everyone also dresses the same, basically. Also, that everyone is, as usual, harboring the delusion that they alone control how they dress.

Face Hunter Latest 'n Greatest

What is the point of wearing a floppy, depressing zebra print jumpsuit? A zebra print jumpsuit should be worn with a classic rock -like panache, not as another boring sack. In fact, that's the problem with all these jumpsuits! Like their flirtier cousins, the onesie, jumpsuits should only be worn by those who understand their inherent tackiness. PS: Nice bowler hat!

Here are some ways to wear an animal print jumpsuit, from Heavy Metal Parking Lot, which you should probably watch right now if you haven't seen it:




Onto some horrendous floral jumpsuits for suburban moms from 1993. Seriously, I had a third grade teacher who told me her favorite show was Home Improvement (which horrified me even at the time) who my called a "fruit." This is what she wore. Also, I have a soft spot for Doc Martens and all, but maybe it's time to give them a rest, particularly in this context. 

The next two fall under the category of, "Is everyone blind?" A beige leather (or is it more of a puce?) t-shirt with peach colored spandex leggings with yet another pair of open-toe booties? Why do these thing go together? She looks like a band-aid.

Here's another really bad 90's thing that I guess is coming back: long floral skirts with no shape and ugly patterns. If she was wearing a white t-shirt with this skirt, whatever. But a black mesh dominatrix-y top? And a big Palestinian scarf? And a straw 90's mom purse? How or why would these things go together? 

Lastly, The Face Hunter says, "'This is the piece 'In an Absolut world , you can ask for anything' that I created for the Visions exhibition in Munich.' Um what, this is the piece? You mean this topless girl holding up a piece of binder paper over her boobs? You don't need an "absolut" world to make this happen, dude. Lots of women take their clothes off to make money to buy clothing, among other things. And judging from the way most of the people on Face Hunter look, you can pretty much dive into any pile of discarded crap and come out with a worthy outfit. You know, as long as you look like this in the first place.

Lots of Photos/Lots of Fun!

Who's ready to be unique this summer? Are you? Here are the ingredients for the recipe of creativity and everlasting cool:    

                                                                                                                         

1. Please note that bowler hats can be worn with pale blue 90's shorts, a blazer, a long shirt that you pretend is a floppy dress, no pants, and/or dominatrix-y shoes.

2. How about chambray? Everyone loves it now! Try pairing it with tight black leggings or shorts!

3. Add a dash of ill-fitting cut-offs. Also, don't forget your bowler or that horrible, huge, black fringed bag. They always look good paired with a striped shirt and dramatic pose:

4. Or a have I mentioned a huge t-shirt worn as a dress? With black tights? And oversized glasses? Which people I guess are still wearing? Yes?

5. There may have been a time when you would have been like, "Harem pants? What?" Get in the now! That time was so two years ago! Make sure your crotch area flaps in the wind!

6. If you've been waiting to wear leggings and a hat, and also shred your leggings artfully, don't delay: the time is NOW! PS: If you don't have a huge bag, make sure it's tiny and 80's! PPS: Don't forget your oversized chambray shirt!

7. This segues nicely into plaid! And more bowler hats! And more shredded leggings! And more 80's purses!

8. Leather jackets! Those are back too! And there's one way to wear them: with a stupid hat and quilted faux Chanel bag!

In conclusion, all you need to do to look GREAT is combine these unique looks. It's no accident that every single person in the world is latching onto them too; they're simply that great and timeless.