Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Move Over, Dockers

Customers think this, the "Boxy [for serious] Cardigan" is: CUTE(559) LOVE(110) COMFY(90) SHEER(13). I guess 12-year olds can submit qualities they believe embody the garment. (I suggested "greige" for this dress.) Really its his is very J. JILL. But according to some internets research, it looks like J. Jill is going for a more Eileen Fisher look, but then again, so is Urban Oufitters. Anyway, the point is, you could replace the tags of Eileen Fisher clothes and put "Obesity and Speed" tags over them and Urban shoppers would be none the wiser.

I actually have nothing against this dress, except that it's length is so babyish. Why is everything a puffy little skirt? Maybe it's because I'm old, but I find it degrading to dress like this. At least a tight mini pencil-style skirt puts it all out there. This seems like it should be worn with pom-pom socks and a Skip-It.
Here's a fun little number. It kind of looks like the print is of bats, and then that would make this item worth having. But it's just a sad 90's floral or something. I love the extreme side-part on the model's hair- dynamite! This whole thing is explosive!!!

Here's another non-dress with a non-style, except that it's sort of 90's looking, or I guess, on closer inspection, really 90's looking.

Pleated khakis! See, Dockers is trying so hard with their new ad campaign about how if you don't wear Dockers you're gay, but what they don't realize that they shouldn't have changed their designs and just stuck with the pleated khakis that they're known for, because that's hip in it's own way too. But don't wear them non-rolled up, because then everyone remembers that they are pleated khakis.

Here we have the "flutter" short. Good god, these are so fugly. I remember wearing stuff like this. They make your butt look terrible, and it's unsettling to wear pants so flowy. These would be worn with scrunch socks and Keds; they are more 1993 than 96, you know?

I'll close with this darling dress and the fugliest floral ever. Also, I think this is a different model but she also has an extreme side-part.


kaitlin said...

These types of clothes along with people being punched in the jugular give me such a violent visceral reaction I feel like a woman possessed.

Simone said...

blah to the blah power. also, i totally had those terrible rayon floral shorts that make your ass look terrible when i was approximately 8 years old.