Beyonce: Back In Action, In a Good Way

I can't tell you how happy I am that Beyonce seems back to her curvacious, spangled glory. As Simone says, this harkens back to the days of golden hot pants and glorious weaves, purple glittering mini dresses and huge earrings aplenty. "Fierce" is the only way to describe this look- who else could wear the famed Balenciaga gold robot $100K leggings and look less like a stick-like and sexless version of R2-D2's gay friend and more like Barbarella? If you're going to be a huge pop star, you might as well embrace the inherit campiness of your profession and be all you can be. Big hair, golden leggings, that intense look in your eye, and a metal bikini top.

Screen Printing: It's Time to Stop

Sometime, perhaps around 2000, things started to get screen-printed a lot. Back then, it seemed pretty avant-garde to screen print something off-center, or in the bottom right corner of a t-shirt, or to promote your band, or whatever. Plus, as we all know, it's ever so D.I.Y. and not that hard and all, so everyone seemed to be doing it. Even fashion designers got in it, with brands like Libertine silk-screening some skulls on an ugly blazer and getting people to pay $600 for it. And, of course, it's all trickled down to the mass market, with t-shirts sold at Old Navy and the like with off-center graphics.

Well I say, no more! Screen printing can be fabulous, and it can be used to make one's own unique fabric or design, but more often that not, it truly is just some ugly graphic slapped onto something else, with the added bonus of an inflated price tag. In the case above, it is some indie "designer" screen-printing guns on an ugly yellow 80's dress, and a slightly less ugly late 60's dress, both os which were probably purchased at Goodwill for $4. I can't imagine how much they're charging, but I'll tell you right now: it's not worth it. Gun imagery is mostly ugly and totally played out anyway, and it takes very little skill to repeatedly screen stuff with the same image- a lot less than it would, to say, embroider on the same dress.

Quite a Hat

Hats used to be like little sculptures that sat on one's head, decorated with net veils and little stuffed birds and faux flowers. I can only imagine a time when a woman would out on a suit and add a charming little hat, not for warmth, or to protect her hair, but to add a little zip and elegance to an outfit.


However, wearing hats today is difficult, as they can look a bit silly and pretentious, and most people choose instead to wear the dreaded newsboy cap or the surprisingly trendy (but usually douchy) bowler. But this young woman has put together her outfit very well, adding a neutral colored but slightly insane 40's printed hat to her pretty ensemble. The colors echo that of her dress, which I don't think is vintage but has a vintage-inspired shape, and her bright red accessories, all of which are super cute, echo the strong graphic statement her entire outfit makes. Kudos to this lady for not bowing to the current trend of sacks and nu rave and garments with Micky Mouse on them, and instead create an eccentric and charming look of her own.

High Waisted Shorts Sold Out at UO

There were other pictures of these on the Urban Outfitters website, but I think the picture says it all. At $68, these extra high rise, corset-waisted shorts were flying off the shelves. Luckily, there's always this Highwaisted Denim Shortie available if you're craving something wildly unflattering.

The Baby Backpack, Back in Action

Way back in 1996, around the time the phenomenon (well, it was a phenomenon if you were a twelve year old girl) known as Clueless came out, the baby backpack became the de rigeur bag for the teen/tween set. I guess if you're an actual child, wearing a tiny backpack makes sense. However, after that, it looks ridiculous. I begged my mother for one, and the one I finally received was black and yellow plaid pleather. For serious. It probably matched all those little kilt/cropped blazer suits worn in the movie, and it never really stayed closed (don't buy synthetics, people.)

The moral of the story is that the baby backpack has returned at Anthropologie, looking more fearsome and hideous than ever before, and very much like it should be in the Sundance catalogue, what with it's vague Southwestern feel. Is this the future of purses? Considering how designers seem to be running out of ideas, maybe so! Maybe some hipsters will even start wearing those teddy bear backpacks around, ironically. Adults seriously wore those in public before, so I'm sure it could happen again.

I Hope This Guy Doesn't Get Laid

Whilst looking over this picture, I tried to focus on one thing to make fun of. Should it be the baggy, pleated shorts? The oddly placed corsage? How about the attempt at a bow tie, or the fashion mullet, or the always popular oversized glasses? Well, they're all pretty bad, but I think one thing stands out in this photo: the moronic grin. I kind of feel like he is making fun of the retarded with this look, but I don't even know if it's intentional.

The Saggy Linen Shortall

Both Mischa Barton and Lindsay Lohan are embracing this overall shorts trend, this time in floppy linen fabric that creases when you sit down and has all the charm of a burlap sack. I see Mischa has chosen the demure ballet flat for that ever-so-kittenish Audrey Hepburn look, who was of course known to wear many a onesie, but Lindsay is sexing it up with some trashy wedges and a tank top. Either way, the look just screams "floppy."