Urban Outfitters: Lanker and Sadder as Plaid Gives in to Chambray

Ugh. This looks like a factory reject. It's so lumpy and awkward. it has this weird pointed drop-waist with slight gathering towards the crotch. It is plaid, which seems like it may give in to chambray as the 90's fabric of the moment. This is definitely pretty 90's looking, though- I'm surprised they're not urging you to wear it with a bodysuit. Also, the model. She is going to die. Her thighs are like the size of my upper arms.


I don't know about you guys, but I'm sick of the added bulk from layering two vests on top of each other. One always gets caught up in my batwings, the other stuck in the pleats of my acid washed shorts. That's why I'm so into this double vest, with a menswear-inspired one on top, and a chambray one on the bottom. It's like those t-shirts with the front of a vest attached to the front. Kind of a mind-fuck. Chambray? What is chambray, you ask? Your dad probably has or had had a chambray shirt. If you shopped at The Gap from 1992-1996, you probably saw one tucked into a pair of tapered khakis. It's like denim, but more washed out. It's like denim without the integrity! Fore more on chambray, check out the pic below:

Like the garment above and below, this is "handmade" and "the color of the chambray may vary." Why is this something that they are supposedly hand-making? Is it special in any way besides being an adaptation of an outfit Jerry Seinfeld wore? Also, I see it's being worn with black lace leggings? Also, again,  these models do not look well. At all.

Here's another chambray piece, in case you can't get enough.

This is more just chambray inspired:

This is called a "Tablecloth Dress" because apparently it's made from an old tablecloth. I am all for repurposing, but should the item really still look like a tablelcloth? Like all of Urban's clothes, this is just so lank and sad. It looks like what Samantha the Victorian American Girl's orphan friend wore when she got sent to the orphan train. Actually, on second thought, Nellie is dressed way cuter here and would probably never be caught dead in that thing.

This is called a "Slubby Cardigan" but I think it should be called a "schlubby" cardigan. God, why do people want to dress like this? Isn't there a soiled dishtowel laying around your house that you can drape over your shoulders instead of spending $58 on this thing? 

All these clothes look like the physical embodiment of the word "depression." Seriously, at least Nu Rave had some pizazz, some color, some life! That's what's so scary about the 90's coming back- the 90's were, aside from an odd Spice Girl or Cher Horowitz, the lankest decade yet. Even the rock stars were lank as hell! Everything was about not trying! It was the beginning of the end!!! If there's a 90's minimalism (aka the most boring fashion movement ever)  resurgence I say fashion is officially dead!!!!