Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Trend Report from American Apparel

You'll be the laughingstock of simply everybody if you don't rush out to purchase THE latest accesory, the scrunchie! That's right, scrunchies!!! I bet you are kicking yourself for throwing out that final moldy scrunchie you found festering in a drawer in your parent's house from sixth grade, because they are back in all over again! Finally! We here at AA like to deem them an 80's accessory, except that unfashionable people are STILL wearing scrunchies in 2009 because they are just that ugly and cheap. It's time to take advantage of that overlap right now!

And at $6 each, these scrunchies are a real steal!!! But snap them up soon, because they are "limited edition." Someday each one will be worth over $1,000! So scrunchie it up, and when you see that woman working at Arby's in her own scrunchie, remember to smile with satisfaction that you re-started to wear scrunchies right in the nick of time, before that teenage girl still wearing lenseless glasses (poor thing) is doing it!


Take a cue from this hottie and wear seven, eight, or even nineteen at once. But be sure to wax your crotch because the next trend is really going to blow even the scrunchie out of the water....




The high cut swimsuit! We here at American Apparel find that using voluptuous models is simply trashy, so we hire really skinny models to stick their butts out and show off their lack of cleavage because then it's not pornography. Also, we just love models who like kind of ethnic, but nottoo ethnic! (Gross!) Anyway, get ready for the legs of your swimsuit to be cut to your elbows just like in 1989! Ultra-flattering and super comfortable, it's the look of the summer!

As a cover-up, try the aptly named "Le Sac" dress, a dress that is cut like a sack with some cords through it that you can wrap around your body however you want. But don't just wrap any cords around it...

Though these were originally really cheap at $30 (that's $10 per strip of fabric!) they've been reduced to only $24! Think of all the fun, creative times you'll have wrapping these babies around your sack!

And last but not least....
The up-to-the-moment harem pant updated with our cool "Afrika" fabric just like all the "Afrikan" prints that were popular in the early 90's and may have had some political element which has since been erased! Anyway, you'll be left in the dust if you don't have at least one garment with a notably saggy crotch this season! Unparalled comfort, too, unless you are wearing them over a high cut bodysuit, which, of course, you are.

8 comments:

Jenn. said...

Holy Crap!!!!

madam0wl, a.k.a Sandra said...

This is just sad. I was never that hip to the scrunchie the first time 'round.

M said...

i think everyone in my age group with long hair had a scrunchie in middle school...of course, by the time i was "alternative" such things were totally lame. this is not to say that people didn't wear scrunchies A LOT in my high school, in the years 1998-2002.

Simone said...

OMG, BARF. JUST...BARF.

Lizbit said...

no. Just...no. I'm going to have nightmares about shaved crotches now.

Lauren said...

hahaha :D

Lil' Meggy said...

CHECK OUT THIS SCRUNCHIE

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_LGKJGUiMwSk/Sf-gZUYFW0I/AAAAAAAAAqA/f-GiHN5RJr8/s400/madonna-2009-met-costume-gala-05.jpg

Clearly Madge has no taste or judgement anymore.

M said...

oh madonna. she is lucky i cannot hate her as much as she deserves simply because she is madonna.