Sunday, June 28, 2009

Urban Outfitters & Sea of Shoes


They currently have over eight pairs of harem pants on their website. The first pair aren't harem pants, but they are certainly "pussy gut" pants. This has got to be the most unflattering shape ever. Then the harem pantaloons on the bottom....I don't know. I don't know, guys. This might be the worst moment for fashion ever. Like, I hate almost everything about the 90's, but at least it was original the first time. You may want to check out some other selections to confirm this...


Ohmygod!!! People really will just wear whatever they see on other people they think look "cool", won't they? Only someone with no will of their own would actually purchase these shorts. This just makes me sad.

Urban's styling tip: Try a saggy gray t-shirt with a saggy gray sweater on top. Also, underneath wear those gladiator sandals that have a little saggy socklet attached. In gray.

Speaking of saggy...

I think I would probably cry if I was forced to wear this.


Urban sez: "Unlike our other Urban Renewal items, Urban Renewal Vintage pieces like this blazer come to you in their original vintage silhouette. Sourced from all over the map, each blazer is hand-picked."

Translation: You know how every thrift store is full of blazers from the 80's and 90's? Well, we bought a lot, probably for like 2 cents each since we're a huge company, did nothing to them, and now we're selling them to you for $48 each even though you can find them everywhere. But, without us, would you be able to figure out how fresh everything suddenly looks when you roll up the sleeves?!


Lastly, we have 17-year-old Jane Aldridge of Sea of Shoes blog, which is basically about her designer shoe and clothing acquisitions, most of which cost upwards of $500 each. As a young, blond/white, thin, designer-touting and incredibly wealthy teen (from "Trophy Club" Texas. 4 realz.) with that hip, DIY fashion blog edge, she is all the fashion world could want to represent them, and has been featured in a zillion magazines and such. Even though she is a teenager, all she ever discusses is going shopping in LA/Tokyo/Paris with her mother and naked avant-garde photos of Japanese models circa 1986. You can watch a video of her here, wherein they're like, "How does she afford these $9oo shoes? She's going to design her own collection!" as if that makes any sense.

Anyway, here is her some if her collection that she "designed" for....Urban Outfitters!


Why, it looks like all the shoes Urban Outfitters already has, which are copies of designer shoes! Dude, I mocked the now-strangely ubiquitous peep toe lace up boot when Factory Girl came out, and as for those studded ones, similar styles can be had, at Forever 21/every store that sells mini dresses to hos. They're just the same chunky, studded, cage-y platforms that are popular right now.

In conclusion, it's certainly interesting to see how fashion bloggers have been affecting fashion, but ultimately the fashion world gets to pick and choose which bloggers are going to be flown to France and design capsule collections, and they sure aren't the ones who don't worship certain designers or are interested in subverting the fucked up norms of the fashion establishment. And in the case of Sea of Shoes, they are the same young ladies who will get cushy internships at Vogue anyway- all they're being given is yet another head start.

19 comments:

Michelle said...

Oh come on, everyone knows it's SOOOO hard to be stylish when you can spend $2,000 on mommy's credit card at the drop of a hat. It's not like she's got a leg up or anything.

And yikes, who brought back the khaki pleated golfer-mom shorts?!

hannah + landon said...

<3

teach people not books said...

we always used the term "fupa," fat upper [insert male or female part] area. groundbreaking, i know. just like all these looks from UO. . .

i can't seem to grasp the fascination with rich people who have all the time in the world to sit on their asses and blog about banal trends. i just get pissed off and annoyed that they are wasting space sitting around blogging instead of doing something. maybe that's too judgmental. and i get pissed when there are mad misspellings and other errors in their posts, too. i mean, if you've got the time, at least edit and proofread the crap you're about to publish.

Tyler Scaife said...

Your blog makes me smile ear to ear and laugh so hard it hurts... Keep up the amazing-ness.

kaitlin said...

Sea of Shoes, it's true, only looks like she's playing dress-up in mom's closet. But Kanye approves, so what are we to do?

Lizbit said...

as someone with big feet, I find anything shoe-related often depressing.
also, as someone who is not privileged, white, or thin,I have been over people like that since I was old enough to notice I was poorer, darker, and bigger than my white friends.

M said...

Thank you for the comments- it is nice to know people read this blog!

Yeah, I wish I could say the fashion world will eat Sea of Shoes alive, but really it will be the opposite. They will nurture her with free Chanel purses and journalistic opportunities about free Chnel purses.

Oh man, I forgot about the Kanye endorsement! God he is such a lame-o!!!!!

♥Jozee said...

While that collection for UO does rather suck, I have to say that I really dont think Jane falls into the same category of dime-a-dozen hipsters that is commonly mocked on this site. While having oodles of money does help, she really does have great style (for me personally, she's opened my eyes to a lot of avant garde fashion that I had previously wondered, "WTF" about). Alexa Chung in your earlier post is a great example of lots of cash but, uh, vomit. If I see one more floral mini...!

Anonymous said...

oh god. you've hit the nail on the head.
people like jane will only go up. it upsets me that people only fawn over her and don't criticise that fact that there's no way in hell she could afford anything in her wardrobe except maybe a plain white singlet from UO. and then people aspire to be like her? wtf. does she even have a part-time job?

money may not buy you happiness but it sure can buy you style.

Verhext said...

haaaa! <3 this. i have been formulating a "please stop with this 90s crap PLEASE" post in my head (except i havent had time to write it as i have work and actual things to do because i have to, you know, work for a living) for a week since i saw someone on twitter say "Leslie Fay dresses are so sweet" and somehow it's been HAUNTING ME like someone's 1st grade frumpen teacher from the grave. my mom wouldnt even wear this crap then. WHY?

&&& bloggers with loads of cash being famous, etc. ugh, why.

Maria said...

i randomly got linked here from bits & bobbins and just have to say - thank GOD somebody has said something less-than-stellar about jane aldridge & her blog.

while it's inevitable that yes, she will live out her clotheswhore life without any kind of comeuppance, i do take some comfort in the fact that she is so pathetic as to have *dropped out of high school* in order to blog & shop around the world. she's get her degree *online* after being so mercilessly teased at school for being such a vain, vapid, tragic trend follower.

so while i may not be able to land every pair of chanel booties i admire, at least i have a high school diploma - something that no amount of bad 80's couture can by.

thanks for lifting my spirits!

Mary said...

I didn't know she dropped out of high school...It does make sense, though, because I'm sure she's set for life.

As for Jozee's really old comment about her, I wouldn't say she is the typical hipster fashion icon either- but to me, she has a very Teen Vogue/lux mismatched look. It's a sort of jumble of designer stuff that looks very editorial and only exists within the realm of the priviledged.

Verhext, I have sooo many posts ranting about the 90's revival if you're ever bored!

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Anonymous said...

well let face the truth. maybe you guys are just jealous?? If you would ever have that much money, what would you care? Would you rather NOT spend the money when you actually could? That doesn't make sense.

Elly said...

What's so wrong with a pretty girl wanting to dress up in nice clothes? And what's wrong with having money? Her parents worked hard to earn it, so why can't they spend it on their daughter if they choose to? I don't understand all the hate behind some girl having fun and doing what she loves...

Mary said...

Elly, my point is not that we should hate Jane because she's rich, but that the fashion world is not an egalitarian place, and, like many institutions, favors wealthy people who are already well connected- which, along with being beholden to corporate interests, often accounts for a lack of true creativity, which is what fashion is all about.