Thursday, May 6, 2010

Trend Report from American Apparel

Gaby sent me the link to these mesh harem pants, the glam "new" style from American Apparel. Reviews confirm that, upon wearing, "Men stare and women compliment!" Wow, men stare, do they? What a commendation! It's so hard to get that to happen! I might just have to slip these on and visit a bodega and let the sheer mesh harem pants do the talking, if you know what I mean! And then I can just transition to a gallery opening or a prix fixe meal or an Opening Ceremony trunk sale and I'll fit right in there too!

Says the reviewer, "I wear it with just a basic bodysuit underneath and a narrow belt on top. You cant find anything like this anywhere else!!" How about a mid 80's workout video? What I hate about American Apparel, besides the fact that they suck in every way, is that it's all about mixing frump with slore. All your sluttiness has to be coded in this weird flowy crotch and lank greasy hair or whatever to distance you from the non-ironic, non-pretentious, "run-of-the-mill" ho who you are so much better than. Speaking of which:

What the hell is up with this?! I've noticed this "new trend" at such places as Topshop, the worst store in the world besides American Apparel and also Opening Ceremony: the long shapeless sheer skirt. Finally, we can combine the dowdiness of a calf-length skirt with the sheerness of your favorite teddy. There us nothing more elegant than a cloud of polyester chiffon on a hot summer's day, especially with a thong underneath. Trust me, since you can see your butt though this, men will stare!

Also, these are the worst:

Also, let's give these monstrous, infantile hair bows a rest:

And lastly:

Visors?! Someday I'm going to take the stock from a dollar store and put new prices on everything and change the sign from Dollar Up to American Apparel and wait for patrons. Half the time I see an old Asian lady on the street carrying recycling I think she is an American Apparel type, and then sometimes the reverse happens.


julia aka garconniere said...

i COMPLETELY and whole-heartedly second this motion. often, when something is really trendy, i can kind of understand why at least SOME people would like it for one factor or another. but all of the things you just posted? what? why on earth?

and this reminds me: i've been trying to write something along the lines of bows (in hair and on dresses) as infantilizing adult women, while tweens and girls are encouraged to dress as though they were adult women (i.e padded bras at an age when most girls don't even NEED bras). what the fuck is up with that?

Em said...

"All your sluttiness has to be coded in this weird flowy crotch and lank greasy hair or whatever to distance you from the non-ironic, non-pretentious, "run-of-the-mill" ho who you are so much better than."

So dead on! I've been suspicious of this for a while, but haven't been able to articulate it. As long as sequin panties or mesh body suits are paired with big glasses or visors (really?), it's playful and quirky!

The dollar store thing is a good idea. I've frequently been in Goodwill and seen ridiculous items and thought that if I could find a skinny girl with blond hair and oxfords to model them, I could make a lot of money on Ebay.

Ms. X said...

Whenever we go to NY my boyfriend likes to play a game called "hipster or old lady?" where we walk behind someone and try to figure out whether they got their clothes at AA or a dumpster.

Mary said...

julia, i've written a little about that here, too:
and here:
but never really connected it with the fact that actual little girls are routinely sexualized and dressed in a womanly fashion. god, everything is so gross and fucked up!

emily, you can make tons selling ugly crap on ebay to hipsters! but yeah, you need a model, because the clothes don't speak for themselves, you know?

Simone said...

I believe those stripey pants are steve sanders', and he'd like to get them back...

Alison said...

OHHHHH MY FUGGING GOD. sometimes I wonder if there's some kind of "emperor's new clothes"-type conspiracy going on where all these "trendy" stores just keep on ratcheting up the stupidness to see how long people will buy into it for. and clearly the answer is: forever.