Crotch of Doom

Because fashion has to yo-yo from one extreme to the next in a desperate, wild grab to stay "current", there's been some pretty fucked-up crotches in fashion lately. This is because 1. Everyone is trying to get far, far away from the tight, low-waisted Britney jeans from 2002. 2. High waisted pants are hard to fit, especially high waisted, pleated pants, and there are numerous areas where things could go wrong.

Here's a good example, from Face Hunter. We've got a top with lots of layers artsily stuck to it, a huge, tailored bag for some reason, pink ballet flats (?) and, of course, the pants. Now, I want to appreciate that fashion is taking this semi-knowing leap into CLEARLY UNFLATTERING territory, where everything is supposed to look droopy and avant-garde, but I feel like that's giving these people too much credit. And the purposely fug look becomes even less interesting every time another hipster embraces it.


You may remember a post I did once about the big ugly designer shoes that hit the stage semi-recently. This lady is clearly embracing those, but she's also ready for the billowy crotch look, which is fresher, newer. She also has this look that says "I paid $8000 for this outfit."



The next look maybe you should scroll down for....








Wait for it......





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Yeah. Again, this is one of those looks that borders on one of those things where you're like, "Who am I to criticize this?" It's not like everyone is walking around like this. He has a Lawrence of Arabia/80's/20% hobo chic thing going on, and even though it's sooooo expensive and fashiony and he looks like he just jetted off to St. Barthes for six weeks on a yacht, it's kind of well put together? Right?

But that crotch! We've seen it before! In the "carrot top" style jeans that were on Hel Looks a lot! On some shorts at H&M!(See my new tag "crotch issues" for more.) And even, to an extent, at the images above. So if this were just an isolated incident, yeah, I might be able to let it pass. But when everyone's doing it, it's not special anymore. (Does anyone else get a flashback to the part in The Breakfast Club where John Bender asks Molly Ringwald if she's ever seen someone with elephantiasis of the nuts?) He may be taking it to the hoop, but it's still just another trend. Also, let's consider doing everyday, casual activities in these pants. Imagine taking them off, or putting them on, in front of a "lover." I bet you can only even be seen around a quarter mile-fashion week radius on these or somebody would kill you. These pants could have their own TV show. They're too much for one man.