Tuesday, January 13, 2009

The Jonas Brothers Vs. The Bay City Rollers

God it sucks how bands used to look so amazing and now being in a band just means you've found new ways to reinterpret the world tool.

Black Sabbath used to be an awesome band. I love how they are so "dark" that they're always posing in front of churches or in graveyards. So proto-goth, even though what makes them great is the fact that they are just dumb hard rock band. And, in the late 60's, Ozzy was actually pretty attractive:

And here is The Sweet, who had a cheeky, exuberant 70's glam persona. I'm so jealous of teenagers during this time period because this was like mainstream, bubblegum, teen idol-driven pop-rock of the time and it was actually good, unlike the Jonas Brothers of today who admittedly are pretty entertaining because they're dressed by brilliant gays who put them in skintight tuxedos, but nobody wants to listen to whatever pro-tooled piece of crap they pretend to play. I think there must have been a real obsession with glam Indians during the 70's, what with the Cher half-breed phenomenon and such, and everyone's preoccupation with feathers, leather, and "natural" things.

As you can see, it was a very crotch-focused time. Check out that metallic leather fringed loincloth in the second photo! When is Joe Jonas (whichever that one is, but i know it's one of them) going to show up in a metallic fringed loincloth? Come on, gay handlers of the Jonas Brothers! You've already got them in pointy shoes and sharkskin suits! Push the envelope! Here's a video of my favorite Sweet song, Wig Wam Bam. This is one of the best "live" performances I have ever seen.

Then there's the Bay City Rollers. They were the ultimate in 70's bubblegum pop, who, like, most boy bands, are really unattractive individually but somehow gained some sort of rare power over t(w)eens after being shown capering around homosexually in whatever ridiculous outfits was considered acceptable at the time. Of course, the BCRs, as they will henceforth be known, have some excellent songs, such as their big hit, Saturday Night. (They also inspired two Nick Lowe songs about them when Nick Lowe was trying to get out of his record contract or something, which are pretty funny.)

The Scottish BCRs could usually be seen in half-shirts, tartan jumpsuits, tam-o-shanters and huge platforms shoes. Dan has one of their records that has a photo of each of them with info under it, like their favorite colors, nicknames and waist measurements. (One confesses his biggest dislike is "cruelty to animals"; his favorite food, "well-done steak.")

That's pretty much it! Except that here are some more photos of Cher you should probably see:


Simone said...

I believe the pants the BCRs are wearing in those photos would be most accurately described as "nutters," thank you very much.

Gatesca Pantomima said...

i agree with this post sfm! ozzy used to look great, and i'm glad that my hatred for brandon flowers is not irrational. seriously, just seeing him puts me in a bad mood.

i like the idea of a crotch-centric era, i'm sick of boobs (they're nice to look at but erase those damn nipples!)

Lizbit said...

I know this post was about the guys...but all I'm seeing is Cher Cher Cher! Her costumes are something to aspire towards. I especially love the sort of fairylike outfit at the bottom.

M said...

it's kind of "fairy ho"- contrasting with the "intergalactic space ho" look above it.