Saturday, October 3, 2009

Urban Outfitters in Charge, of Our Hopes, and Our Dreams...

Hey, I'm back. Back with yet another Urban Outfitters post, brought to you today by those timeless style icons, the cast of Saved by the Bell and the slightly weaker Saved by the Bell rip-off I used to watch on Saturday mornings, California Dreams (the theme song promised "Surfer dudes with attitude" and they certainly delivered.) Also, some Charles in Charge thrown in.

You know, my last Urban Outfitters post was so popular that I got over thirty responses- thirty of which I had to delete because they were all Japanese porn-related--- from those lured in, I can only assume, by the loaded combination of words I had inadvertantly made part of the post, words that included pussy/naked/Japanese/model. Will it happen again? Also, why are people posting on my blog when there is plenty of real pornography on the internet? Anyway, more creative posts are coming, but for now, this is easy and stuff.
First of all....

Ohmygod!!!!!! An oversized purple or teal washed silk blouse!!!! Ohmygod! This is what my mother wore in 1991. It is everything that is bad about the early 90's- the boxy shapelessness, the bright yet somehow passive color, the washed silk. You know, whilst recently watching an episode of Golden Girls, I zeroed in on Bea Arthur's outfit, and realized I need only add leggings to make it completely indistinguishable from that of a sexy youngster of today. I could totally see that teal blouse on Dorothy. In a peacock blue (also on the website), on Blanche.

Yeah. The first and last are elastic waist skirts, "refashioned" (a pocket's been added!!!!) by those at Urban Outfitters. These skirts are not even Saved By the Bell, the first couple of seasons. They are 1996 Saved by the Bell. The New Class, people. As for the sleeveless chambray blouse tucked into the skirts, it just goes to show that we learn nothing from the mistakes we have made in history. Not that I was going to make a Holocaust reference and thought better of it or anything.

Actually, I have nothing against this skirt itself (the top is another story) except the fact that all these full, high-waisted skirts so popular these days (and I love full, high-waisted skirts) are all made so fucking short! They look beyond infantile! Suddenly, it's super frumpy to have anything longer than knee length! On ebay, vintage sellers are destroying vintage dresses by hemming them into awkward minis! Then everyone's going to end up hating all their clothes because they are so weirdly short when hemlines end up dropping again!

Okay, this skirt on the right I do have something against. It's very Jessie Spano, though, so worth being in this post.

And lastly, these pants. These high-waisted chambray pants. These pants you can probably buy in a Sunday coupon book for $9.99, right next to the oh-so-lifelike sleeping premature baby doll named Baby Chriseee that costs only six installments of $29.99. If I was the stylist for Urban Oufitters, the pants would be paired with a holiday sweater and the model would be cradling that doll, and everything would be snug in its natural environment.

PS: Edited to add for no reason! Horrifying photos of baby dolls from the internets! Aughhhh! If there is any more proof that we need feminism to be a part of people's lives, it is the fact that women actually purchase these dolls.


madam0wl, a.k.a Sandra said...

I think that might be your most frightening post ever!

Jon said...

So glad to have you back!

Gaby said...

I am buying you a ReBorn for your birthday!