Welcome to "And Then I Would Punch Them," a semi-regular series in which Mary's best friend, aka Simone, spews forth about all that is terrible and ugly in the world of fashion and fashion accessories. Let us begin.
Living in New York City, by simply walking down the street I can easily accrue quite a list of people who deserve to be punched in the face. It's a veritable cornucopia of cat-calling assholes, douchebags who cut in front of you in line, and people who bump you on the subway and don't say "excuse me." But what really makes my blood boil is the horrid fugliness that surrounds me on a daily basis. Excuse me? People? It's not like we live in rural Arkansas and the only clothing available is made of burlap sacks, you know what I mean? Anyway, the propensity of people who live in a town where you can get, literally, anything you want, to dress so... derelicte... is a major pet peeve of mine.
But what really pissed me off today was not something I saw out in the street, or hanging off a mannequin in Anthropologie. It was this necklace:
GODDAMNIT. What THE FUCK, man?!!! There's just something about this I find soooooo incredibly, breathtakingly annoying... Like, it's The Hipster Necklace to End All Hipster Necklaces, like all it needs is it's own half-sized pair of stretch pants and half-sized pair of ballet flats or ugly 80s high top sneakers (in gold) dangling next to it betwixt yon bosom. I mean, REALLY? A small pair of ray-bans? Flattened, made of metal? Hanging around your neck? I mean, if you're going to hang glasses around your neck (like my mom), they should at least serve some practical purpose (Like, uh, MAKING IT SO YOU CAN SEE THINGS) other than, I dunno, letting everyone know that "I see beautiful things beckerman spectacles." (Yes, that's seriously engraved on them). But anyway, if I saw someone wearing these $95 atrocities, I would tell them that I see ugly things, and then I would punch them.