Plus No Doubt Sucks

Despite the fact that Gwen Stefani is one of the stardom's more creative dressers, I've never really liked her. She's just too calculated and trendy and careful in her camp outfits, and a lot of what she wears is just plain ugly. Besides that, she's really into appropriating other cultures in this totally clueless way, whether it's "rasta" or you know, using actual people as fun accessories. Plus she's one of those "I'm not a feminist, but..." type of people who doesn't really know anything about feminism but is clearly scared of appearing too powerful, even though she's obviously a good businesswoman who has a lot of influence in various arenas.
And her Harajuku lovers line is soooo ugly. Ugly hoodies splashed with stupid logos that look like why should come from Forever21 but are kind of expensive. And here we have a really, really terrible t-shirt with a funky little Asian girl with an afro screened on it, cause, like Asians are fun the way naming your son after a Jamaican city and having a bunch of Japanese girls trailing after you is like, really creative and fun too. It's like forty dollars and stuff, which is a great price for piece of mass-produced crap. Don't buy it.

30 Seconds to Douchedom

This is that band Panic at the Disco. I think they have an exclamation point in their name, but that's not going to happen. Anyway, the one on the far right looks like a sixty-year old Jewish woman. His gaze is really hypnotizing. The one in the deep v neck just looks like your average, American Apparel-wearing hipster tool. The other two, whatever. The one in the Kitson hoodie looks a little light in the loafers to be a teen idol, but who knows what kids these days are into? They look like they grew up in Malibu and got sculpted haircuts a year ago and heard a Strokes song or something and decided to form a band. The Bay City Rollers could probably beat these guys up. And would anything be more satisfying than that actually happening?

I Liked It: A Rare Occurrence Concerning Kirsten Dunst

I am not, generally, a fan of Kirsten Dunst: she seems to specialize in the sacky, bland kind of Urban Outfitters-esque look that so many "hip" young ladies seem to strive for today, and the fact that she is (supposedly) set to play Debbie Harry (a personal fashion icon) makes me nauseated. Debbie Harry really specialized in the flashy and fierce, whereas Kirsten Dunst specializes in wearing gray t-shirts and jumping around in her underwear and not wearing a bra. Actually, I know the real reason I hate Kirsten Dunst, and it's because I read an interview with her in Seventeen magazine when she was like fifteen, and she asserted that all her friends called her "Kiki" and if that doesn't make you hate someone when you are fourteen than nothing will.

But, the point is, Go Fug Yourself hated on this look of Kiki's at the Oscars, but I have to admit, I love it. I love the tiny little collar, the red lipstick, the bangs, the marabou trim, the fact that she looks like a cross between a schoolgirl and a 1930's vamp. If this dress were in any other color, I agree, it would be a tad too much. But in the silvery gray, I think it looks totally unique and lovely. It's fun, playful, and a little strange without being obnoxious. And I'd much rather see this than the glittering sack I'm sure was her second choice.

Who Wears Ultra High Waist Short-Shorts?

Through my internet detective work, I was lucky enough to get both a stock photo of these shorts, as well as them on an actual human being. So, if you looked at the pic on the right and thought "But maybe they'd work on a body", now you'd know that thought would be wrong.

The girl on the right looks really, really lumpy and shapeless in this Ultra High Waist Short, though I doubt she really is. They create a blocky, rectangular figure, and they really don't work with that dishrag of a tank top, which adds to the overall sloppiness and shapelessness (I guess I would suggest a fitted white blouse for a more flattering, 40's look, but what I really suggest is burning these shorts.)

Ohmygod, looking at the shorts gallery is like being flashed back to a hot summer day at Great America Theme Park in San Mateo, circa 1991. Look at these! And these! I'm gonna get a perm and gel my bangs and add some Keds and work it.

Ugly UO Outfit of the Day Taken From Actual Store

This outfit was attacking a mannequin at Urban Outfitters, and while I found plenty of fug in that store, I have to say this ensemble really takes the cake.

We have: a large scarf, a million necklaces, a beige tube top (ewwww....who wears those except Posh Spice circa 1997? Clearly it was just placed there to minimize the "skin" revealed by that gaping tank top), a turquoise and gold foil happy face t-shirt cut into a blousy tank top, A FANNY PACK hanging off her side like some kind of horrible tumor, and an overdyed purple acid washed denim mini with a cut-off hem. Overall, it makes the mannequin look bloated and big around the middle, as well as very hideously dressed.

It's not even a cute fanny pack. I mean, maybe if it was a cute print or something, I could KIND OF overlook it, but it's clearly the same fanny pack that ugly people wore to visit Six Flags in 1987.

Things That Are Nice

Like most people, when I spot something on eBay I would desperately like to possess but it too expensive/ not practical, I save the photo in a special file on my computer, according to the decade of the piece, and sigh and look over the pictures of all that lovely vintage from time to time. Also, sometimes I get angry I lost the auction.

As for trends, the flapper look goes in and out, and finding an authentic, 1920's flapper dress for a decent price on eBay isn't too hard, though one of this caliber is rather rare. The intricate, beautiful art deco beading and sequins, the drop waist, and fluttery, handkerchief-esque hemline are all features that have been echoed in different styles and trends, but originated in dresses like this, made for dancing in the 1920's. So instead of purchasing lots of disposable 80's poly vintage, maybe think about buying one or two authentic, well-made pieces whose details were later perverted to create the sack dresses and whatnot everyone is so desperate to put on today.

More Signs of the Oncoming Apocalypse

The image of this hipstered out eight year old came from yet another fashion blog. Apparently everyone thinks dressing your kid like the guy from Fall Out Boy is ultra-charming. Well, I don't think so. I think it's gross. Your kid is not an accessory. Your kid will not appreciate when goes through puberty and looks back on pictures of himself dressed ironically with overly styled neo-British invasion hair and tapered jeans. Plus the Palestinian scarf! What the fuck? Do you think this kid understands the situation in Palestine or something?

What do you think he's listening to on his iPod? (Um, aren't those like $300 or something?) Lightning Bolt? That "!!!"band? Some nu rave? What's really horrifying is to think of what his parents look like. They're probably so trended out of their minds they're writhing on the sidewalk in acid-wash somewhere, choking on their own leggings.

What's That Dangling Off Your Neck?

As supportive as I would like to be to DIY and independent designers, this "Huu Chi Mama Necklace" (get it? get it?) from Etsy.com is one wildly awful thing to hang around your neck. I saw this necklace (if you can call it that) being raved about on a fashion blog recently and was quite horrified. The orange thing on the end is a video cassette rewinder (Why? Is that supposed to be useful somehow?) and obviously the things hanging off the chain are tapes. Why use recorder tapes, though? I think regular size cassette tapes would add that extra pop this subtly elegant piece of jewelery needs.

Cassette tapes as hipster fashion has been a long-running trend that appears to finally be on the outs, but there's still time to slip on this monstrosity. Just don't do any dancing, or you might hit someone in the face with that totally retro orange thing and scar them for life. Of course, if this one is too dainty for you, there's always this charming option.

Long in the crotch: A Post About shorts

These shorts were on sale at H&M. My friend and I traveled all around this store and others, taking photos of offending items, and these really topped the list. Sure, their beige color and linen fabric are real ugly, but let’s get to the outstandingly fugly here: the exxxxxxxtra long crotch. Why?

I wish I’d tried these babies on, because I’m sure the back view would have been pretty amazing. I mean, who hasn’t looked for something high in the waist with a nice foot-long drop from waist to crotch? Simone referred to the shorts as a “burlap loincloth”, which I feel is 100% accurate. The real mystery is: Who bought these? And what were they trying to hide?

Eurobrats

This look is from the French street style site Face Hunter, aka "Douche City."Looking at 90% of the photos of these fashionistas really makes me want to vom. Everyone, who got their picture attending events with names like "Accelerated Youth Launch Warehouse Party" is wearing, like, a huge batwing blouse tucked into shorts tucked into leggings tucked into slouch boots with neon nu rave makeup and pursing their lips and posing as if their life depended on it. They all look really self satisfied and are wearing too many accessories. To give you an idea, the comments on this particular post have someone called "eurobrat" saying, "Love the guy in the red cardigan."

The specimen on the left is wearing a sweater that looks like it came from Talbots (the Republican mother store) circa 1989. To flash it up, he's added a necklace, a metallic top, some sort of wispy mullet, black satin leggings, and a really, really ugly pair of white hi-tops that look like the sneakers the unpopular kids got at Costco in 8th grade. I believe they were called "Court Classics." I mean, this look makes some failed attempts at glam but just winds up frumpy/so hideously ugly that it's kind of painful. To be honest, it makes me kind of physically angry, so I'm going to have to stop now. Also, why do I have a "hipsters" tag? Everything on this blog is a hipster fashion crime. You could say this guy is their king, but he's really just another minion.

Hel Looks: Sofia

To the untrained eye, Sofia's blouse may look like a bunch of third graders embellished a silk Goodwill shirt, but all non-peasants would recognize it as the "most exclusive gift" Sofia has ever received. I mean- duh! You can't find lace trim and primary-colored balls just anywhere!

Anyway, the top is hideous on its own, but then your eyes are drawn to the random belting going on, in the form of a huge elastic red waist belt that takes up half her midsection. (Supposedly, the belt over the blouse look is on its way out, but it's obviously not dead yet.) And in case all that wasn't enough, there's always a pair of shiny blue legging-looking pants to cuff above your socks and pumps combo. And why not top it off with a swingy leather purse? Those aren't really ugly/just old enough for hipsters to start wearing ironically again or anything.

In her interview, Sofia says she likes "simple clothes." I guess by "simple" she means "like what everybody wears, but more shiny and clown-like."